help me out here...

I am trying to understand myself. Not that I expect anyone to "get" me, but at least I can hope that there are other people out there like this.
Is it possible to hate cleaning and still be somewhat of a neat freak? I am twisted like that. Cause I hate cleaning. Maybe hate is a strong word, but I can procrastinate on cleaning like nobody's business. And yet...I am a freak about my house being clean. I think it started when we had the house on the market. It always had to be clean because you never knew when someone was going to call for a showing. I spent every waking minute dusting, swiffering, vacuuming, tidying...you get the picture. I can't stop it now. I don't do it as much. But, for instance, I just finished vacuuming Justin's ceiling fan. Isn't that, like, a spring cleaning thing? Maybe it's not and normal people do it regularly, but I can promise you it doesn't feel normal, to me, to feel compelled to vacuum a fan. I was thinking the other day how nice it would be to take some money from the money tree out back and have a cleaning lady come in once a month. Then I thought to myself "self...that's crazy. You know they wouldn't do all the things you want them to do. Then you'd bitch because they didn't vacuum the fan blades." I'd just feel like I was wasting my money tree money.
I used to want to die if someone showed up unannounced at my home. Because, wow, the mess. Maybe it was because our house was smaller. I just don't feel now like I would die a thousand deaths if someone saw my house on any given day now. Granted there are a lot more places to stash the chaos around here. Don't dare open Hannah's closet. Ever. You will have nightmares. Believe me. But on the main floor...I am constantly wiping off counters, picking up toys, swiffering...the average person could walk into my house and not be traumatized by what they saw. Unless you opened Hannah's closet, and seriously?? I warned you about that, didn't I?? I cannot claim you wouldn't have been forever traumatized by the chaos before our house went on the market last year. I guess I am a changed woman. It's not a bad thing, it just causes conflict in my head. Like, I am compelled to clean, but I don't wanna. What is extra weird is that I am not traumatized by mess in other people's houses. So why do I feel the need to always have my house be clean? Are the clean police patrolling my neighborhood? I think not. But if they do, they can check the ceiling fan blades with white gloves. They are clean as a whistle!

Edited to add: this does not mean you won't come into my house and find dog hair all over and crumbs on the table. There is only so much one human can do in a day. I don't WANT you to find these things, but you will because I don't wanna clean it up right now.