happy things...

stuff is blooming! This makes me ridiculously giddy. Add to that, the fact that I had no idea this tree would bloom with flowers in the Spring. It's like a gift from God just for me :) I figure by this time next week this tree will be covered with these little blooms. It will be beautiful, but seeing this first flower today makes it the most beautiful of them all!

note to the carpool line professionals at my son's school...

i'm sorry already!!! I didn't mean to be the moron going the wrong way in line. My child got sick at the end of the school day so I HAD to go to the school at that time of day. I've never done carpool at this school and I know now that it is serious business and not to be taken lightly. To the lady in the light blue mini van who honked at me: I was just trying to get to the parking lot to get inside the school. I was in no way, shape, or form trying to ditch you in line. To the redneck guy with the mullet in the red pickup: screw you buddy. If I hadn't had my other 2 children in the car, I would've rolled my window down and instructed you on just where you could stick your middle finger for best results. You fucking fucker.
Note to self: learn the carpool rules at the beginning of the year next time. You never know when you might have to fight your way through that chaos.

american idol musings....

so here I am, engrossed in whatever season of idol we're on this year. I refused to watch the first season because I thought the whole premise of the show was ignorant. Then I heard Kelly Clarkson sing and I was hooked. I love her. Anyway...I started watching every year. And every year about 1/2 way through I say "huh?" Because some freak continues to get through. I believe the first time I noticed it was the dorky red head dude that thought he was Sinatra. Then I heard about the cult following of votefortheworst.com (I wish I could make it an actual link, but I am illiterate). Once you visit that site it all makes sense. Because seriously? Sanjaya? No question he is the website's lovechild this season. Even Gwen Stefani wasn't sure what to do with him. Now, if Micheal Jackson ever does the guest spot, I think he'll know EXACTLY what to do with Sanjaya. EXACTLY. I mean Simon Cowell doesn't even make fun of him anymore. He's just speechless. The rest of us are too, Simon.
Other than the oddity of Sanjaya, this season I am bothered by some other stuff. Like- is it just me, or are Phil's eyebrows being applied with a black Magic Marker? And also, does Melinda have a neck? These are the things I pondered while watching last night. I no longer try to figure out who will make it to the Finals. It's a crap shoot. I did worry a little bit last night that one of Lakisha's breasts was going to escape her dress, but she managed to keep them in check.
But it's all about the singing, folks. Really it is. :)
Back to your regularly scheduled lives. But seriously... why didn't Gwen bring Gavin with her last night? It would've been lovely to see him in the audience!

choose your battles wisely....

life is full of choices. Some good, some bad. Parenthood is all about them. Each choice has a consequence and you have to wager the choice/consequence battle in your head multiple times every day. A very wise mama bear (my own) told me long ago that I needed to choose my battles wisely. In my former life, I refused to lose a battle. In this life, this mama life I lead now, I must lose the occasional battle. It is a thing that eats at me a lot. I'm not one to give up power struggles or control easily. However when faced with 3 small children, my life would be hell if I didn't give up control once in awhile. So sometimes, when everything in my brain is screaming "NO!!" I have to say yes. It's not easy. Yesterday Hannah and her pack of buddies wanted to make gloop. With mud. Although I was sure of the consequence, I said OK. ~~Mistake!~~ RED FLAG!~~ Turn back!~~ I'm certain they had fun, but what I had to clean up last night was so far from fun, I couldn't see the fun lining anywhere. Hannah is the child I choose battles with most often. She is my only girl and my middle child, so the deck is very stacked against us. I knew yesterday if I listened to my gut and said "hells no" when she asked to make gloop (and at least she asked) it would turn into a WWIII tragedy. It's just her way. So instead, I said yes and cleaned up the mess later, all the while telling her if it ever happened again, she'd be the one cleaning up the mess. Only in my head I know making her clean up the mess would only cause an even bigger mess. Hence, a battle I will never win. I HATE that.
But...in this mama life I lead, sometimes I have to say yes and act like a fun mom. Even though my gut always says "no! do you know what a HUGE-MONGUS mess that is going to make?" Mess can be cleaned up later. Mama life is all about fun and messes. And loss of control. It makes me twitch just thinking about it :)

no more what ifs....

there is a definite sense of finality in our home now. It's very weird. As soon as I gave birth to Ryan and they had to whisk him away to help him breathe in much the same manner that they did my first 2 children, I knew in my heart that I was done giving birth. Ry had the worst first week of life that any of them did. It seemed that whatever it was my body does to my babies just before birth that makes them have an obscure fever, low respiration, and general sleepy demeanor, was getting worse with each kid. Why take the chance that the next would be any worse? Aside from that, we definitely had the sense of "complete" after him. At least I did. I no longer felt like someone was missing. Probably because Ry is enough action for 3 kids on most days. We have been talking since then about the 'big snip' it just always seemed to get put off for one reason or another. Well it is put off no more. I won't say the v-word because Matt says I need to stop telling everyone about it. I'm not embarrassed, but for some reason he is, so I'll just leave you guessing about the v-word I am speaking of. Needless to say it is v-word that involves a lack of fertility in men :) But you didn't hear it from me.
So last night, 24 hrs post procedure, Matt looks over at me and says, "how does it feel to know you'll never worry about getting pregnant again?" And it hit me. Like a Mack truck, it hit me. Don't get me wrong, I didn't lose it and start crying over the child that will never be. But it was the first time I was washed over with that wave of finality. I don't know what I felt, it was just a weirdness. Knowing I'll never have to pee on a stick and cross my fingers again. It's just a weirdness. I don't know any other way to explain what it is.

10 things i love....

1. jeans that are so baggy that I can take them off without un-buttoning them

2. finding out someone I love is pregnant

3. knowing it's not me :)

4. Ryan's troublemaker grin

5. shar pei kisses

6. finding out that both of my youngest children will be in school at the same time next year

7. catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror and thinking I don't look half bad anymore

8. the sun shining outside

9. guinea pigs who love to play with dogs & dogs who tolerate pigs.

10. pedicures

Happy Wednesday to all :)

whatever you do, don't look down...

a little more on the serious side of life. How many times are you driving down the road, minding your own business and your cell phone rings so you lean over to pick it up? Or you want to switch CDs or movies for the chiclets, or grab something rolling around between your feet? So you glance down for a split second and when you glance back up you've crossed the median. Your heart stops for a split second and you thank God that there wasn't a monster SUV or a semi on the other side, as you jerk your car back into your lane. Admit it, we all do it. Today, a co-worker of my dad's is praying for the life of his 17 year old son because his son took his eyes off the road for a split second and when he glanced back up there was a Suburban staring back at him. And he couldn't jerk back into his lane fast enough. Last I heard he was clinging to life and his parents were told that if he doesn't make a marked improvement in the next 24 hrs they should consider pulling the plug on his young life. How's that for a punch in the gut? It isn't even your child and it makes you feel sick, doesn't it?
I can't even bear to let my brain go there. I have to cling to hope that nothing of the sort will ever happen to my kids because, seriously? I am not the person who could keep going on through a disaster like that. I would crumble if something horrible ever happened to one of my kids. Or a family member, or friend. I would crumble. So please, say a prayer for Joel's son. Pray that his parents don't have to make that decision and that he improves over the rest of today and tomorrow. And for my mental stability, promise me you won't look down while driving. Keep your eyes on the road. It's a scary place out there folks.

she was wrong, i was right and i knew it all along....

many, many moons ago when I was but a mere starry eyed college girl (or was it glassy eyed from one kegger too many? I can't remember now) I met this guy. I wasn't hip to trying out a new guy at the time. I was at the end of an ugly break-up with a long time boyfriend and I wasn't up for the training period on a new guy just yet. I was talked into 'just one date' by a mutual friend of ours. I had never met this guy but he sat directly behind me in the Chemistry class I was not doing well in. I never noticed him behind me because my best friend sat in front of of me and we chatted. A lot. Probably the reason I wasn't doing so hot in the class. Just a guess. Anyway...I did some digging on 'the guy' and found out he was in the frat that was full of what I considered the date-ables. You know what I mean? There was the frat on campus full of jocks who were nice to look at, but not much going on in the head. Then there were the ATO boys who occupied the house next to my very own sorority house. They were nice to look at and also nice guys. The date-ables, if you will. All this time this guy who was interested in me, lived right next door to me and I never knew about him. I asked around my sisterhood and got a resounding thumbs up on him, so what the hell. I'll give it one date. One turned into two, two turned into three...somewhere around three or four it was greek week and I got stinking drunk at a hairy buffalo party and he didn't wince even once (OK maybe once) at my alcohol stench. I think he even held my hair while I worshipped the porcelain goddess. Now that's a good guy. We had a sweet date after that where we watched movies at the frat house then walked around campus. We were spied by many of my sorority sisters who got all giggly with me at the next Monday meeting about how good it was going and what an incredibly sweet guy he was. It was right then and there that one of my sisters who I liked very little, spoke up and said "I don't care how sweet he is, they all turn into assholes eventually" I told her I was taking my chances and she rolled her eyes at my naivete. Whatever. She was an ass herself, so I didn't value her opinion. I also made sure to invite her to my wedding with "the guy" a year-ish later. She didn't attend and we didn't miss her.
Fast forward 12 years. She was so wrong. The guy is still sweet as ever. All of this is being told right now because this weekend, the guy spent every waking minute building a wooden playhouse/swingset for our shared chiclets. It was damn cold this weekend and he stood out in the cold and sometimes the flurries and hammered away at it. It didn't quite get done, but he tried awfully darn hard to get it there. Then, he didn't even flinch when I told him I had volunteered him to coach Hannah's soccer team. The soccer team full of 5 year old girls. Dude never even flinched. This is the guy who was eventually going to become an ass. It must be gonna happen later. So far he is doing pretty good at maintaining his "awwww that's so sweet" factor. I'm glad I went on that date.

i got nothin'...

seriously. I have tried to post something fun for 2 days now, but I sit down, and then, nothing. I got an email this morning telling me I hadn't posted in 3 days. It's not for lack of trying. Promise. Life is pretty mundane around here. I have cleaned all my toilets this week. I have done LOTS of laundry. I mopped the kitchen floor twice. Are you on the edge of your seat with the excitement of it all? I know! Me neither :)
This weekend will be packed with excitement as well. We are purchasing a wooden play set/swingset/fort type thing. The excitement will come in watching my husband get it put together and listening to the kids ask "is it done yet?" 600 billion times. Oh yeah. Big fun.
I might also be painting a bathroom this weekend. Might also go to the post office. I don't know how I live all of this excitement and glamour, so don't bother asking.

reason # 2,345,789 that i love target...

They sell shirts like this one...

because he is, afterall, a ladies man and now he can advertise it.

mind-numbing, soul-sucking, family-fun place....

That's what Magic Mountain's tag line should read. The place has 2 floors. One covered wall to wall in blinking lighted, token sucking games that offer up tickets to use towards the purchase of less than dollar store quality prizes. The other floor is a germ fest covered climbing gym. Complete with balls that small children with snotty noses suck on, then toss at other children. Sound like a birthday party place to you? Yeah, me too. Big time fun. And we PAID to have a party there with approximately 9.3 million other people today. It was almost more fun than I could handle. I think it actually was.
But, I didn't lose any of the children that were left in my capable hands, no one vomited, no one got hurt, and only Hannah cried. And let's face it, she always does so that really doesn't count. She didn't get enough tickets to win one of the lovely/sarcasm/ prizes. And all the kids had fun, which is what really counts. They lost to some teenagers in a game of laser tag by a little over 10,000 points and still came out laughing and smiling like they had won the gold medal in the Olympics. Justin was happy about every inch of his special day and I don't even think he noticed me twitching every time he picked up a germ crusted ball to wing at one of his friends. The fact that it was my own personal hell doesn't really matter as long as the kids had fun :)

just when i want to tender my resignation...

it was just one of those mornings. We have a lot of them, but everything seemed amplified to me today. I've had a week full of schedule this, now reschedule that, don't forget to turn this, this, and this in. Did you already pay for this? Do we need to pay this now or later? Did you bake the cupcakes, what about the cake? Where is the stuff for the goodie bags? You mean the bags aren't done? What about the bows, earrings, and hats for the dance class? Did you get the pictures ordered? Where is THAT order form??? It just goes on and on sometimes. Most of the time actually. I love my life, my kids, my husband...but there are days when I want to be handed a pink slip. I want to tear my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs "I QUIT!" But, alas, I have one of those jobs you can't quit. You can't quit and you can't have breaks either- potty or otherwise- because more often than not, your boss follows you into the bathroom and wants to help flush. Cause it's fun to watch. Like I said, it's been one of those days.
Then something happens that turns it around for me. No- I didn't get a raise today. In fact I don't even get a damn paycheck. Remind me to speak to management about that later! Today the turnaround was my sick little boy. He can't help that his continuous vomit streak for the last 2 days has been a constant source of worry for me. Both worry for him and worry that he might puke on my favorite chair next. The chair that I have wanted for 10 yrs and finally have. Puke wouldn't be easy to clean up in my chair. But, my little sick boy just climbed up into my lap and gave me a big hug. Then he looked up and smiled his crooked smile and said "my love you mama." Plain and simple. I think I'll hang onto my job for a while longer.
Who needs a paycheck?

the day I became a mama...

Justin turned seven today.

I can hardly believe that it's been seven years already since I endured my first (and easiest) round of labor and delivery.

Seven years since I held that little bundle of boy in my arms for the first time.

Seven years since we cleaned his little head off for the first time and realized he had fire-red hair.

Seven years since I had my very first mommy scare. They took him to the NICU to help him breathe and I learned what real fear is all about.

Seven years of skinned knees.

Seven years of "but why??"

Seven years of snuggles.

Seven years of standing in his doorway, staring at him sleeping for a few minutes every night.

Seven years of "WHAT was that noise?" "Why is the cat running away from you so fast?"

Seven years of countless proud mama moments.

Seven years of wondering what I did with myself before I had kids.


Thanks to go to Justin. For all seven years of being my first born chiclet. For being my learning curve and forgiving the countless mistakes in parenting. I couldn't have asked for a better red-headed monkey than you!

march thaw- the positive notes...

That's right. It's children playing outside. What's that noise I'm hearing? Oh, it's the sound of peace and quiet. IN MY HOUSE. Ahhhh....the joys of the thaw.

the march thaw...

while it is snowing blizzard style in many parts of the country, it is finally NOT doing that here. And I am grateful for the break. I know it'll be back before I can call it Spring, but after 2 or more solid weeks of PILES of snow everywhere, I can see my yard again. It even rained all day yesterday, so what was left of the snow is officially 100% gone. I love that I can see my yard, and yet it brings to mind my least favorite job. See...we have 3 dogs. During all of the snowy weeks we have had, it has been layers of snow, then ice, then snow, then ice... you get the picture? So for 2+ weeks now I haven't been able to clean up after my sweet doggies. At all. The March thaw means I can do it finally. I just trudged through the yard in my (ugly, but very washable thankyouverymuch) crocs to do the duty. And it was not pretty. I tried to do it one day last week, but the top layer on that particular day was ice. That is, ice on top of 8 or so inches of snow/ice mix. So it was as if I was ice skating in my backyard. I would skate for a few steps and then fall through. I gave up pretty fast. I love my dogs, but I seriously hate dog clean up in the winter. Now it is done and because I did it, I can demand a backrub tonight.
How's that for some fun reading for you? All about the clean up of dog shit. Hey! I never claimed it would always be interesting reading. At least I didn't post pictures. You're welcome.

better...not great... but better...

i feel marginally human again today. Marginally, in that I don't feel like I need to lay down and have a nap every time I am standing for more than 5 minutes. Good thing too, because Thurs = hell day in this house now. We have dance, gymnastics, and karate all on the same day. This from the mom who swore she'd never have her kids in more than 1 activity at a time. Just wait! In a mere few weeks baseball and soccer start up. Justin had to choose between the 2 and (of course because I HATE it) he chose baseball. Hannah wants to do soccer again. Hopefully Matt will have to coach Justin's baseball team so he'll be in charge of getting him there. Because, seriously, I despise baseball. I don't have concrete reasons for it, so don't bother asking. I can't help that of all the chiclet sports there are to choose from, I hates me some baseball the most. I think it stems mostly from the fact that there is no time limit on it. You can be at one little league baseball game for days, weeks even! Slight exaggeration, but really they go on, and on, and on, f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Give me a good 45 min. soccer game any day of the week.
So anyway...feeling better today. Cranky, but better. Only a few remaining swords in my throat. Still blaming Matt for that. I'm sure he did it.

virus...

as soon as you read this, hose your keyboard down with Lysol so you don't get my death-ish germs.
I've been hit by a truck. A big truck with big wheels. In it's wake I am a shell of my former self and am currently struggling to swallow even though I am certain Matt put little, tiny swords in my throat while I was sleeping. Why would he do such a thing? Does he enjoy seeing me barely able to lift my head? Apparently. I trudged through the shower and it made me feel well enough to turn on the computer. Now I have wasted reserve energy on typing and I must go lay down and swallow swords again while the children tear the house apart.
Enjoy your day. And I wasn't kidding about the Lysol. Spray it now or face the consequences.

even the dog is in on the plot...

my children got together last night before bed. They got together to plot. They are plotting to drive me to the brink of insanity. When I am hovering on the edge, the dog is going to push me over. Oh yeah, even the dog is in on the plot. She's still haboring a bitterness over the fact that I made her get her skanky teeth cleaned last week. Dogs really hang onto grudges over that kind of stuff.
Hannah is doing her part by displaying enough attitude to make me want to pack a bag for her and point her in the direction of the road leading to grandma's house. Because, really? Only grandma would put up with her smart ass mouth without tearing her hair out.
Ryan is being three. Enough said. He wants to wear underwear, but doesn't so much want to sit on the potty. Hmmm. If he pees on my favorite chair, he'll be on his way to grandma's also. Hannah will be happy to have the company on the long walk. If they don't kill each other on the way. They probably will.
Justin is at school, so his part in the plot remains to be seen.
The dog is dancing around the house likes she needs to go out. She's been out 5 times. She goes out and then stands at the door barking. She wants to go out, but not be outside. Hmmm.
And really, I'm just in a bad mood. So pushing me to the edge of the insanity ledge is only a couple of steps. They picked a good day to want to push it. Or a bad day depending on how you look at it.
Is it Friday yet?

to ryan...

someone asked me yesterday if I ever regretted having a 3rd child. Such a bizarre question to me. Like, I really would have answered yes to that? I have never regretted a moment of your life, little man. You bring joy and laughter to me when I am in the darkest of moods. Just yesterday I was cracking smiles all day while you carried around your collection of Polly Pockets dressed in ballgowns and Star Wars figures. Polly & Yoda had a fantastic lightsaber battle and they all ride around in the Rescue Hero space ship. Even in my foul state of mind yesterday, how could I not laugh at that?
You repeat everything that everyone says. It makes Hannah insane, makes me watch my mouth, makes Justin come up with crazy sentences just to see if you'll say it too. And you do.
You always have a chocolate milk mustache. Even when I don't remember giving you chocolate milk. I wipe your face off a dozen times a day, and every time I turn around you are sporting a fu man chu style 'stache. It's rather endearing.
You have your own sense of style. No one can pick out your jammies but you and all clothing must meet your daily approval. You also can wear a Power Ranger costume that is 4 sizes to big and make it look just right. And wear it you do. All the time. Between that and the Dart Vader helmet (also a little too big) we never know which character to expect.
You keep us on our toes.
So, regret? Ummm...no. Are we thankful for you? You bet. Every minute of every day I am thankful that I have you to boss me around.

the thing they forgot to mention...

when they described this house in the real estate literature, it was "a great family house in a wonderful neighborhood". It made it seem like the perfect house for us. No one mentioned that it sits smack in the middle of the school district that NEVER HAS SCHOOL. It may have deterred me a smidge. Today my children are out of school. AGAIN. Why? Because it is foggy. Every other district in the area (and I'm not exaggerating) is on a 2 hr delay. Not us. They didn't even give the delay a shot in hopes that the fog would burn off. Just shut 'er down again. As it stands, Justin and his classmates will be making up 4 days already. I'm guessing before it's over, they'll hit that 5th day and be making up a week at the end of the school year.
UUUUGGGHHHHHH....