me, me, pick me, i can do it!

the last week of my life will forever be known as "the week in which amy-couldn't-stop-raising-her-hand-and-volunteering-for-shit-she'll-never-have-time-for" Did you get all of that?
The third-fourth weeks of school must be the week that the teachers think we have weeded through all of the paperwork they threw at us the first 2 weeks, and so they can begin asking us for spare time.
I volunteered. And I volunteered. And I volunteered. And then because I was bored, I volunteered some more.
I am now doing about 6 jobs for Justin's school PTO throughout the year, volunteering in Hannah's class bi-weekly, am serving on the board for the preschool, am also the assistant/question answerer during the Monday night dance classes. This is a sampling. There's more. We've previously discussed my lack of ability in the saying "no" department. I obviously lack a time management skill somewhere also. I think I have a problem with sitting still. ADHD anyone? If I am continuously volunteering for something, I'm never just sitting on my hands with nothing to do. Sadly, at least once a week I am spinning in circles trying to figure out how I am going to get it all done. And then my head explodes and I have that to clean that mess up. But, boredom? No, not dealing with that much these days.

all in the name...

totally thieving from janet. I saw this and laughed my ass off :)

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car), John Wayne Uplander- sounds all cool Bon Jovi, yes?

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie), Coffee Oatmeal Chocolate Chip. It's all good, yo. That's how I roll

3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name), A-MOH Hmmm... I gots to think on that one.

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal), Lavender Manatee. That one is going to make it into the next Stephanie Plum story line. I just KNOW it!

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born), Joy Columbus. Not one you'll be seeing on Days Of Our Lives anytime soon methinks

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first), Moham. I believe that makes me one of the desert sand dwellers that wears a hood??

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink), The Lime Green Margarita. Oh yes...she's my hero.

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers), Robert Jack. But I think he'd be Bobby Jack in the Nascar world.

9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy), Chance Kit Kat. This would also double as my porn star name I do believe.

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names ), Joy Lynn. You didn't see me here....

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter), Hood Houston. Wasn't he in the Anchorman movie? I'm sure he was Vince Vaughn's character's weatherman.

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower). Autumn Lilac. Oh yeah...great spy name. It's Lilac, Autumn Lilac. I'll have my margarita on the rocks. Shaken, but not so hard that the ice melts.

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + “ie” or “y”) Apple Pantsie. I think she was in the collection of recalled Chinese made Mattel dolls.

14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree), Nothing Buckeye. Groovy man, totally groovy.

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”), The Scrapping Rain Tour. Makes me want to go stand in line for tickets right now. This one is SURE to sell out quick-like.

holy filth, batman...

i cleaned the van out today. Some scary shit, I tell ya. I did it because I was out with a friend this weekend who was apologizing PROFUSELY for how filthy her van was. Except my van was way filthier than hers. I figured if she was so horrified about the condition of her van, she would die a thousand deaths if she was ever forced to sit in my van. So I guess that means it's time to clean it out.
Here's a small sampling of what I found:
3 empty french fry bags.
2 empty Happy Meal bags
186 (only a small exaggeration) Happy Meal toys
12 french fries
4 chicken nuggets in various states of decomposition (that's for you Jen)
1 realization that we eat too much McDonald's
8 stuffed animals
3 bags to carry stuffed animals to the van and then leave them there
4 water bottles
5 clean pairs of socks (??? do we keep them in the van???))
2 dirty pairs of socks
3 pairs of Ryan's underwear (clean thankyouverymuch)
9 broken crayons
6098 hot wheels
9 million Pokemon cards
8 books
2 empty DVD boxes
5 empty M&M bags- all next to Hannah's seat- can you say chocoholic?
12 pony tail holders- no wonder I can never find them in the house.
enough loose change to make a dent in the national debt-but curiously not our own debt.

And that's just a sample. It was seriously trashed. It's amazing how stuff can pile up. I generally let Hannah have the back row of seats to herself because she's somewhat of a slob and I hate for the boys to have to clear a space to sit down every time among her stuffed animal collection and M&M wrappers. So I tend to let the back row get pretty bad before I notice something has to be done. I think I may have let it go a smidge too long this time :)

only me...

i have never wanted to do pilates or yoga in a class environment. Not because I don't think I can do it. I'm pretty athletic. I'm also pretty stretchy. No, the reason I have always shyed away from doing them in a class environment is because both of these classes cause you to twist like a pretzel and in doing so, I'm pretty sure I'll fart. But me, being the brave soul that I am thought to myself, "self...if you can get through the Winsor pilates video at home without expressing gas, you'll be fine in the class!" Silly girl! And I CAN make it through the video. Well, for the most part. Except for that one part in the advanced video- the rollover- where you lay on your back with your legs straight out in front of you. You pick them up and roll them up and over your head, so that you lying there with your ass straight up in the air and your feet are suspended over your head. While in this position, you have to have enough control to open your legs to a "V" and and then close them and then roll back down so that you're laying flat again. People, I fart EVERY TIME I try it. But, alas, my friend assures me there is nothing that advanced in this class. She assures me. Except today we had a different teacher. Our other teacher doesn't do the Wed. class and we didn't know that having never made it in on a Wed. This new teacher does advanced moves. Ones like say...the rollover. And oh yes, Amy farted. Amy farted LOUD. What else can one do, when one farts obnoxiously loud while one lies ass up in the air? Laugh. Hysterically, until there are tears rolling down thine face.
I don't know if I'll ever be able to show my face in the Wed class again, but I'm going to work on controlling sphincter as well as core muscles while doing the rollover at home until next week.

live vicariously through me...at your own risk...

so yesterday, during my 2 hours of PEACE (!!) and QUIET (!!) while ryan was at school i cleaned. Yes... that's right. I cleaned. A friend of mine, who was at work, called me sometime in the middle to ask what I was doing. She told me she was living vicariously through me. She has to work, I do not. I am ever so lucky. She was disappointed when I told her I had just finished mopping the kitchen floor and was off to clean toilets in a moment. It's a sad statement of my life. But since I'm so lucky and I don't have to work (catch the dripping sarcasm) this is what I do in my "free" time. But really, I got to mop the floor and I got to actually see it all the way clean. Most of the time as I am mopping someone is tracking grass, dirt, mud, etc behind me as I go. Same with the toilets. It was a solid hour before someone peed in them and ruined their pristine clean-ness. It was a thing of beauty, but apparently not worthy of living vicariously and all that madness. She'd rather be at work than cleaning toilets. Who knew? I also cleaned my eldest son's fish tank. The fish thanks me because the algae was thick and he wasn't sure he'd ever see the light of day again. Justin, however, did not notice the clean tank. He instead noticed that I failed to clean the ceramic shark that lives in the tank. Like, it sounded sort of like this...good job mom. It looks pretty good I guess, but next time do it properly and see the job through to completion. Clean the ceramic shark too.
I'm allowing him to live because it will now and forever be his job to clean his fish tank. Ceramic shark and all.

sadness...

You will be so very missed.

and then there were none...

do you hear the hallelujah chorus? Listen closely... no wait a second, what is that again? Oh...it's SILENCE...

Ryan is off to preschool today. I'm a little choked up about it. Not because he's going to school because, please, the silence? Yes...I am enjoying the silence. No, it's more that it seems like it was mere days ago that he was this...

Now he's all light sabers, catching crickets bare-handed, picking boogers, farting bubbles in the bathtub, mouthing off, and this...

At the risk of sounding like a 90 year old granny, where has the time gone???

kindergarten, baby...

so hannah had her first day of kindergarten on friday. Because she is the oft forgotten middle child, and I am 'that mom' I am posting her pictures two days later instead of the day of, like I did for my first born. What can I say? I had to squeeze in two nights of my high school reunion this weekend, and there were margaritas involved, and well Jose and I.... Anyway, I am getting caught up on life today. And sobering up for the coming week. The week in which my youngest offspring goes to PRESCHOOL. My grandma said to me last week that I wouldn't know what to do with myself during those precious hours when all of my children are GONE. AT SCHOOL. But I think a high calorie Starbucks beverage is calling my name this Tuesday morning. A coffee that I can drink in solitude. With no one asking me to put a different movie in the DVD, or asking to do art projects involving scissors, playdoh, or paint.
Anyway...back to Hannah...

I offer a pictorial of her bus stop experience...

Before leaving the house... pose...Ms. Diva First-Day-of-School-Girl

At the bus stop...telling all of the other kids to BACK OFF, because this is my 'get on the bus moment' and didn't anyone tell you to get in a line and wait your turn? I already know how to do EVERYTHING the right way, because I already know how to do EVERYTHING. I probably don't even NEED to go to school today because, really, what can they teach me that I don't ALREADY KNOW??...

On the bus...pose again...did you get that shot mom? Bus driver do NOT roll your eyes at me. I need this documented in my scrapbook.

I had another shot of the bus pulling away but blogger won't let me upload more than 3 pictures and really there is no way to illustrate the silence that surrounded us all when my sweet little know-it-all got on the bus finally and the driver closed the door. I won't lie. I was a little misty eyed. Which is more than I thought I would be. I was worried I would look like the only heart-less, cold parent standing at the bus stop not boo-hooing over my child heading off to kindergarten. I love Hannah, but you know how silence is golden at the movie theaters? It's platinum at this house. And because Hannah likes to see how many words she can squeeze into every day, there is not much platinum around here. Now there are 3 solid hours of platinum every weekday morning. Ryan doesn't quite have the need to fill every moment with words the way his sister does.

Next up...Ryan first day of school pictures and then it will back to posts filled with toilet cleaning stories and musings on my love of swiffer.