a new game of TAG....

janet tagged me for one i've never seen before! How exciting :)

You have to use your first initial for every category, and you can't use your own name for the boy/girl name. Got it? GO!

SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks!
Your Name: Amy
1. Famous Singer/Band: ABBA
2. 4 letter word: aqua
3. Color: apricot
4. Street: Asbury
5. Gifts/Presents: airplane ticket (not a gift I get often enough!)
6. Vehicle: Avalanche
7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: art (crap art usually, but art)
8. Boy Name: Alan
9. Girl Name: Alicia
10. Movie Title: All Dogs Go To Heaven
11. Drink: Adirondack margarita
12. Occupation: Architect
13. Flower: Amaryllis
14. Celebrity: Angelina Jolie
15. Magazine: All about Beer (just saw it on Tues and was amazed that such a magazine existed!)
16. U.S. City: Amarillo
17. Pro Sports Teams: Anaheim Angels (don't I get double points for this?)
18. Fruit: Apple
19. Reason for Being Late for Work: Alarm clock didn't go off
20. Something You Throw Away: ads (from the newspaper? I'm reaching)
21. Things You Shout: Asshole!!
22. Cartoon Character: Ariel (Little Mermaid- does that count???)

That was HARD!!! I don't know how people did stuff like this before Google existed.

I'm tagging Jen (who can't use Janet's blog answers!!) and Elle who hasn't updated her blog since it was snowing. GO!

control freak...

a list of things i wish i had some control over....

- weather - rain in particular right now

- my daughter's room

- my youngest son's clothing choice

- my oldest son's tonsils

- laundry

- my neighbors. they think they are still in high school and it is irritating

- the money tree in the backyard

- the price of airfare

- the price of fuel

- the price of tea in China (not really but it sounded good right there)

- my brother's college choice

- the amount of fat & calories in my favorite foods

I could go on forever. I think I have control issues today.

there's never enough...

it's a bad attitude to live with. I'm slowly trying to change, but it's hard. Matt and I wasted 1/2 hour of our lives last night talking about what kind of hardwood floors we want and where we want to go with it. It's laughable and a total waste of time because unless the damn money tree starts blooming soon (I think the Spring frost killed the damn thing AGAIN) it'll be years before we can put hardwood anywhere. And, I think, I'm OK with it. There will always be things we want to do to the house. Vacations we want to go on. Things we want to buy. Because what we have is never enough. Except? It is right now. I am content in life. I have the house I have always wanted to have. I have a husband who makes me laugh and who laughs at me. I have kids who other people think are cute & actually want to have over to visit (they don't know the REAL Hannah). All that AND a front loading washer and dryer!!
Would I love to be vacationing on the beach with my toes in the sand this summer? Hell yes! Will I be happy with vacationing at my sister in law's lake house? Indeed! It'll be fun and ridiculously cheap.
It's all about attitude. I can spend my days thinking about everything I want or reveling in all I have. Because...seriously? I am a lucky, lucky girl. I'm going to revel in what I have and be thankful for my blessings. After that, I'm going to fold laundry :)

new people...

a house sold on our street about 6 doors down from us. It is my sincere hope that they have a boy about Ryan's age and that they are normal and fun people. Is that too much to ask? I feel sort of bad for Ry. He had built in buddies in Michigan. He often sits and looks at our photo album (not yet scrapbooked- like I have time for that!) and points at Wooke (Luke) and Josh. He remembers them and can't figure out why after seeing them many times during the week before, now we got months without getting to play with them. Everyone else got new friends their age when we moved onto this street. Sadly, there is no one Ry's age. He really needs a friend. I know next fall, when he starts preschool, he'll find one. There is still a loooong summer stretching out before us until then, so if it wouldn't be too much to ask I'd love for the new neighbors to have a 3-ish year old boy. I'm sort of stalking the house in hopes of seeing things going from the truck and into the house that scream toddler boy, but so far no dice. I'm not losing hope yet.
Maybe if I hope hard enough I can make it happen.

the many faces of my gut...

i have mommy gut. In more ways than the obvious one. It used to be a fat gut. Now it is less fat but is more like a blob of wrinkly skin. Go ahead. Click the x and move on now if you are gagging over the thought of my blobby, wrinkly, mommy gut. I forgive you. It grosses me smack out too. But, I figure gross, blobby, & wrinkly is better than what it used to be which is full-o-fat.
What else is mommy gut? It's that instinct that you get the moment a child emerges from said gut. When you just know something isn't right. Woman's intuition ain't got nothin' on mommy gut. My gut has screamed at me the last 2 times I have been at the pediatrician's office and a few times before that it was speaking loudly. I ignored it before, today I am not. I am divorcing my pediatrician. It's a scary thought for me. I don't know why. It isn't like a have a long-standing relationship with her, but it's still hard to pack up, grab your medical records, and move on. She is somewhat of a flake and I have been forgiving for a long time, because flaky doesn't necessarily equal a crap doctor. Today she crossed the line between flake and flat out ignorant and even crossed the lazy doctor threshold a little. Ignorant and lazy is a no-can-do for me. Not where the chiclets are concerned. I drove home listening to my gut scream obscenities about going to the gym and doing some crunches already, but not before you switch pediatricians, you ignorant woman! Gotta listen when the gut starts in with the obscenities.
I should have listened 2 visits ago, when it rose from a dull roar to a scream. Next time, I'll know. Listen to the mommy gut already! It isn't pretty, but it's smart. Isn't that the way of the world?

seven days...

so, the day after his birthday, Ryan decided it was "time". He picked out a pair of Star Wars underwear without being prompted. I picked my jaw up off of the ground and went with it. Mine is not to question. It has now officially been 7 whole days since I changed a diaper. Can you feel the glee?? It's been more then 7 years since I could say that I haven't changed a diaper in a week- except while on vacation. In my real, every day world this is new and a source of utter joy. He has had very few accidents- maybe 3 or 4 over the week. And the best thing???? The poop was never an issue. My other 2 were totally freaked over the concept of #2 in the potty. Ryan, on the other hand, takes pride in the size of it. He doesn't just poop, he poops big! Men! I do distinctly remember Justin coming to me and making me look at the "snake" he made in the potty once. Aren't boys fun?
So, in our household we are making grocery lists that don't include Pampers. And we are skipping about it! I don't have to be a slave to the diaper bag anymore!!!
OH- and you're welcome for this daily dose of poop talk :)

my cup runneth over...

i have entirely too much shit to do. I have a serious problem saying no and it is getting me in trouble. Not so much in trouble, but it is causing me stress, angst, panic. All those fun things that make me lose my temper faster and feel like an ass for yelling at my kids for no good reason. I am in snap mode today. I hate that feeling.
Now, on top of all the fun & crafty projects I have been delegated recently, I have to figure out how to NOT help my son and husband bake a fun cake for Tiger Scouts next week. It has to be done on Fri evening. Thurs nights are packed with stuff already so when does it get baked? Decorated? No one knows when it will happen. But I am NOT ALLOWED to help. It's a father/son project. What it really is, is a project to make me twitch because it's NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. Matt's going to take care of it. M-kay. Just not sure how or when it's going to get done, but again, not my problem. I just have to clean the mess up.
Did I mention I'm stressed? Or that I am ready to snap?
Anyone else have any crafty projects that only I am capable of doing? Bring em' on!!! I have nothing better to do!!

thoughts on my baby turning 3...

it's funny to me that I still think of him as 'my baby'. I wonder if this will still be true when he is 17 and hairy. I think back to potty training Justin at this exact same age and in my head, Ryan just seems so much younger. Except that he isn't. Weird. He is less of a baby every day. He's always been an opinionated little dude. Now he just lets you know that it's his way or the highway. No exceptions. He won't be as easy to potty train as Justin and Hannah were. They just accepted it to be fact that it was "time" and there were "no more diapers". Ryan says to me, "not yet" and "go buy more diapers, you cheap bastard" OK. He didn't actually call me a cheap bastard but it was implied in his tone. I think he knows I'm tired of purchasing Pampers. I'm certain he knows I'm tired of changing his poopy diapers, but it's my concern not his. And why should he want to take over wiping his own butt when it is clearly not an enjoyable task for me? Makes sense when you think of it from his perspective. He's obviously extremely intelligent.

Happy Birthday to my little dude. Thanks for being just who you are. You make me smile and cringe every day and I wouldn't want it any other way!

dear mother nature...

normally, i am not one to bitch about the weather. HA!! I can't even say that with a straight face. I bitch ENDLESSLY about the weather. However, Mother Nature, I feel that since you too are a mother you should see that what you have done here is just wrong on so many levels. My children just endured a week of spring break where there was only a glimpse of spring. You tease us into wearing shorts and bearing legs that are so pale white they may be deemed "clear", then you blast us with winter again. Why? Why do you do this to us? Is it some deal you have with the winter dudes that you have to get so many inches in before it's over? If that's the case, can you see to it that next year it is a lower number of inches? Or, is it that you think we'll miss the snow? Because seriously? That's going to be a no for me. Even living in Arizona didn't make me miss snow. I certainly won't miss it for the few short months that it goes away here in Ohio.
You gave me trees full of blossoms on Mon. that were dead on Wed. Why???? Don't you want it to be pretty? I don't CARE that it makes me husband sneeze. It's so pretty!
In short, Mother Nature, my children will hunt for Easter eggs tomorrow in their winter coats. Enough is enough. Let us have spring before I start feeling the need to get ugly on you. Ask Matt, you don't want me to get ugly.

to anyone worried about justin's well-being...

he is alive and well and currently playing mario kart on his nintendo....

'give me a minute' literally means 60 seconds to a 7 yr old...

i need to remind myself from time to time how literal Justin can be. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it makes me want to send him to live with distant relatives. Today he wanted me to look in a bag in the top of his closet for the charger for his gameboy. I didn't want to climb to the top of his closet so I told him to make sure it wasn't plugged into the wall next to his bed where it always is. 3-5 seconds later he returned and said it wasn't plugged into the wall, and could I look in his closet please? *BIG SIGH* "I'm in the middle of something, give me a minute." I kid you not, my little sweet red head waited 64 seconds before saying to me, "mom it's been one minute and 4 seconds and you haven't done it yet." Then I killed him and buried him in the backyard. Luckily the ground was still soft from the rain.
No really, I didn't. And if I did do you think I would post it on the internet?? Geez people! But I did throw some things and rant my way up the stairs to his closet. I jerked the bag that he wanted down off the shelf and as I was turning to rant some more about having patience and blah, blah, blah, what did I spy? Oh, yes, you guessed it! His charger. Plugged into the wall next to his bed where I told him to look for it a mere 2.3 minutes earlier. OOOPS was his response. Then I killed him and buried him in the backyard.
I'm going to go warm up with some afternoon coffee and Bailey's now.

happy things...

stuff is blooming! This makes me ridiculously giddy. Add to that, the fact that I had no idea this tree would bloom with flowers in the Spring. It's like a gift from God just for me :) I figure by this time next week this tree will be covered with these little blooms. It will be beautiful, but seeing this first flower today makes it the most beautiful of them all!

note to the carpool line professionals at my son's school...

i'm sorry already!!! I didn't mean to be the moron going the wrong way in line. My child got sick at the end of the school day so I HAD to go to the school at that time of day. I've never done carpool at this school and I know now that it is serious business and not to be taken lightly. To the lady in the light blue mini van who honked at me: I was just trying to get to the parking lot to get inside the school. I was in no way, shape, or form trying to ditch you in line. To the redneck guy with the mullet in the red pickup: screw you buddy. If I hadn't had my other 2 children in the car, I would've rolled my window down and instructed you on just where you could stick your middle finger for best results. You fucking fucker.
Note to self: learn the carpool rules at the beginning of the year next time. You never know when you might have to fight your way through that chaos.

american idol musings....

so here I am, engrossed in whatever season of idol we're on this year. I refused to watch the first season because I thought the whole premise of the show was ignorant. Then I heard Kelly Clarkson sing and I was hooked. I love her. Anyway...I started watching every year. And every year about 1/2 way through I say "huh?" Because some freak continues to get through. I believe the first time I noticed it was the dorky red head dude that thought he was Sinatra. Then I heard about the cult following of votefortheworst.com (I wish I could make it an actual link, but I am illiterate). Once you visit that site it all makes sense. Because seriously? Sanjaya? No question he is the website's lovechild this season. Even Gwen Stefani wasn't sure what to do with him. Now, if Micheal Jackson ever does the guest spot, I think he'll know EXACTLY what to do with Sanjaya. EXACTLY. I mean Simon Cowell doesn't even make fun of him anymore. He's just speechless. The rest of us are too, Simon.
Other than the oddity of Sanjaya, this season I am bothered by some other stuff. Like- is it just me, or are Phil's eyebrows being applied with a black Magic Marker? And also, does Melinda have a neck? These are the things I pondered while watching last night. I no longer try to figure out who will make it to the Finals. It's a crap shoot. I did worry a little bit last night that one of Lakisha's breasts was going to escape her dress, but she managed to keep them in check.
But it's all about the singing, folks. Really it is. :)
Back to your regularly scheduled lives. But seriously... why didn't Gwen bring Gavin with her last night? It would've been lovely to see him in the audience!

choose your battles wisely....

life is full of choices. Some good, some bad. Parenthood is all about them. Each choice has a consequence and you have to wager the choice/consequence battle in your head multiple times every day. A very wise mama bear (my own) told me long ago that I needed to choose my battles wisely. In my former life, I refused to lose a battle. In this life, this mama life I lead now, I must lose the occasional battle. It is a thing that eats at me a lot. I'm not one to give up power struggles or control easily. However when faced with 3 small children, my life would be hell if I didn't give up control once in awhile. So sometimes, when everything in my brain is screaming "NO!!" I have to say yes. It's not easy. Yesterday Hannah and her pack of buddies wanted to make gloop. With mud. Although I was sure of the consequence, I said OK. ~~Mistake!~~ RED FLAG!~~ Turn back!~~ I'm certain they had fun, but what I had to clean up last night was so far from fun, I couldn't see the fun lining anywhere. Hannah is the child I choose battles with most often. She is my only girl and my middle child, so the deck is very stacked against us. I knew yesterday if I listened to my gut and said "hells no" when she asked to make gloop (and at least she asked) it would turn into a WWIII tragedy. It's just her way. So instead, I said yes and cleaned up the mess later, all the while telling her if it ever happened again, she'd be the one cleaning up the mess. Only in my head I know making her clean up the mess would only cause an even bigger mess. Hence, a battle I will never win. I HATE that.
But...in this mama life I lead, sometimes I have to say yes and act like a fun mom. Even though my gut always says "no! do you know what a HUGE-MONGUS mess that is going to make?" Mess can be cleaned up later. Mama life is all about fun and messes. And loss of control. It makes me twitch just thinking about it :)

no more what ifs....

there is a definite sense of finality in our home now. It's very weird. As soon as I gave birth to Ryan and they had to whisk him away to help him breathe in much the same manner that they did my first 2 children, I knew in my heart that I was done giving birth. Ry had the worst first week of life that any of them did. It seemed that whatever it was my body does to my babies just before birth that makes them have an obscure fever, low respiration, and general sleepy demeanor, was getting worse with each kid. Why take the chance that the next would be any worse? Aside from that, we definitely had the sense of "complete" after him. At least I did. I no longer felt like someone was missing. Probably because Ry is enough action for 3 kids on most days. We have been talking since then about the 'big snip' it just always seemed to get put off for one reason or another. Well it is put off no more. I won't say the v-word because Matt says I need to stop telling everyone about it. I'm not embarrassed, but for some reason he is, so I'll just leave you guessing about the v-word I am speaking of. Needless to say it is v-word that involves a lack of fertility in men :) But you didn't hear it from me.
So last night, 24 hrs post procedure, Matt looks over at me and says, "how does it feel to know you'll never worry about getting pregnant again?" And it hit me. Like a Mack truck, it hit me. Don't get me wrong, I didn't lose it and start crying over the child that will never be. But it was the first time I was washed over with that wave of finality. I don't know what I felt, it was just a weirdness. Knowing I'll never have to pee on a stick and cross my fingers again. It's just a weirdness. I don't know any other way to explain what it is.

10 things i love....

1. jeans that are so baggy that I can take them off without un-buttoning them

2. finding out someone I love is pregnant

3. knowing it's not me :)

4. Ryan's troublemaker grin

5. shar pei kisses

6. finding out that both of my youngest children will be in school at the same time next year

7. catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror and thinking I don't look half bad anymore

8. the sun shining outside

9. guinea pigs who love to play with dogs & dogs who tolerate pigs.

10. pedicures

Happy Wednesday to all :)

whatever you do, don't look down...

a little more on the serious side of life. How many times are you driving down the road, minding your own business and your cell phone rings so you lean over to pick it up? Or you want to switch CDs or movies for the chiclets, or grab something rolling around between your feet? So you glance down for a split second and when you glance back up you've crossed the median. Your heart stops for a split second and you thank God that there wasn't a monster SUV or a semi on the other side, as you jerk your car back into your lane. Admit it, we all do it. Today, a co-worker of my dad's is praying for the life of his 17 year old son because his son took his eyes off the road for a split second and when he glanced back up there was a Suburban staring back at him. And he couldn't jerk back into his lane fast enough. Last I heard he was clinging to life and his parents were told that if he doesn't make a marked improvement in the next 24 hrs they should consider pulling the plug on his young life. How's that for a punch in the gut? It isn't even your child and it makes you feel sick, doesn't it?
I can't even bear to let my brain go there. I have to cling to hope that nothing of the sort will ever happen to my kids because, seriously? I am not the person who could keep going on through a disaster like that. I would crumble if something horrible ever happened to one of my kids. Or a family member, or friend. I would crumble. So please, say a prayer for Joel's son. Pray that his parents don't have to make that decision and that he improves over the rest of today and tomorrow. And for my mental stability, promise me you won't look down while driving. Keep your eyes on the road. It's a scary place out there folks.

she was wrong, i was right and i knew it all along....

many, many moons ago when I was but a mere starry eyed college girl (or was it glassy eyed from one kegger too many? I can't remember now) I met this guy. I wasn't hip to trying out a new guy at the time. I was at the end of an ugly break-up with a long time boyfriend and I wasn't up for the training period on a new guy just yet. I was talked into 'just one date' by a mutual friend of ours. I had never met this guy but he sat directly behind me in the Chemistry class I was not doing well in. I never noticed him behind me because my best friend sat in front of of me and we chatted. A lot. Probably the reason I wasn't doing so hot in the class. Just a guess. Anyway...I did some digging on 'the guy' and found out he was in the frat that was full of what I considered the date-ables. You know what I mean? There was the frat on campus full of jocks who were nice to look at, but not much going on in the head. Then there were the ATO boys who occupied the house next to my very own sorority house. They were nice to look at and also nice guys. The date-ables, if you will. All this time this guy who was interested in me, lived right next door to me and I never knew about him. I asked around my sisterhood and got a resounding thumbs up on him, so what the hell. I'll give it one date. One turned into two, two turned into three...somewhere around three or four it was greek week and I got stinking drunk at a hairy buffalo party and he didn't wince even once (OK maybe once) at my alcohol stench. I think he even held my hair while I worshipped the porcelain goddess. Now that's a good guy. We had a sweet date after that where we watched movies at the frat house then walked around campus. We were spied by many of my sorority sisters who got all giggly with me at the next Monday meeting about how good it was going and what an incredibly sweet guy he was. It was right then and there that one of my sisters who I liked very little, spoke up and said "I don't care how sweet he is, they all turn into assholes eventually" I told her I was taking my chances and she rolled her eyes at my naivete. Whatever. She was an ass herself, so I didn't value her opinion. I also made sure to invite her to my wedding with "the guy" a year-ish later. She didn't attend and we didn't miss her.
Fast forward 12 years. She was so wrong. The guy is still sweet as ever. All of this is being told right now because this weekend, the guy spent every waking minute building a wooden playhouse/swingset for our shared chiclets. It was damn cold this weekend and he stood out in the cold and sometimes the flurries and hammered away at it. It didn't quite get done, but he tried awfully darn hard to get it there. Then, he didn't even flinch when I told him I had volunteered him to coach Hannah's soccer team. The soccer team full of 5 year old girls. Dude never even flinched. This is the guy who was eventually going to become an ass. It must be gonna happen later. So far he is doing pretty good at maintaining his "awwww that's so sweet" factor. I'm glad I went on that date.

i got nothin'...

seriously. I have tried to post something fun for 2 days now, but I sit down, and then, nothing. I got an email this morning telling me I hadn't posted in 3 days. It's not for lack of trying. Promise. Life is pretty mundane around here. I have cleaned all my toilets this week. I have done LOTS of laundry. I mopped the kitchen floor twice. Are you on the edge of your seat with the excitement of it all? I know! Me neither :)
This weekend will be packed with excitement as well. We are purchasing a wooden play set/swingset/fort type thing. The excitement will come in watching my husband get it put together and listening to the kids ask "is it done yet?" 600 billion times. Oh yeah. Big fun.
I might also be painting a bathroom this weekend. Might also go to the post office. I don't know how I live all of this excitement and glamour, so don't bother asking.