she was wrong, i was right and i knew it all along....

many, many moons ago when I was but a mere starry eyed college girl (or was it glassy eyed from one kegger too many? I can't remember now) I met this guy. I wasn't hip to trying out a new guy at the time. I was at the end of an ugly break-up with a long time boyfriend and I wasn't up for the training period on a new guy just yet. I was talked into 'just one date' by a mutual friend of ours. I had never met this guy but he sat directly behind me in the Chemistry class I was not doing well in. I never noticed him behind me because my best friend sat in front of of me and we chatted. A lot. Probably the reason I wasn't doing so hot in the class. Just a guess. Anyway...I did some digging on 'the guy' and found out he was in the frat that was full of what I considered the date-ables. You know what I mean? There was the frat on campus full of jocks who were nice to look at, but not much going on in the head. Then there were the ATO boys who occupied the house next to my very own sorority house. They were nice to look at and also nice guys. The date-ables, if you will. All this time this guy who was interested in me, lived right next door to me and I never knew about him. I asked around my sisterhood and got a resounding thumbs up on him, so what the hell. I'll give it one date. One turned into two, two turned into three...somewhere around three or four it was greek week and I got stinking drunk at a hairy buffalo party and he didn't wince even once (OK maybe once) at my alcohol stench. I think he even held my hair while I worshipped the porcelain goddess. Now that's a good guy. We had a sweet date after that where we watched movies at the frat house then walked around campus. We were spied by many of my sorority sisters who got all giggly with me at the next Monday meeting about how good it was going and what an incredibly sweet guy he was. It was right then and there that one of my sisters who I liked very little, spoke up and said "I don't care how sweet he is, they all turn into assholes eventually" I told her I was taking my chances and she rolled her eyes at my naivete. Whatever. She was an ass herself, so I didn't value her opinion. I also made sure to invite her to my wedding with "the guy" a year-ish later. She didn't attend and we didn't miss her.
Fast forward 12 years. She was so wrong. The guy is still sweet as ever. All of this is being told right now because this weekend, the guy spent every waking minute building a wooden playhouse/swingset for our shared chiclets. It was damn cold this weekend and he stood out in the cold and sometimes the flurries and hammered away at it. It didn't quite get done, but he tried awfully darn hard to get it there. Then, he didn't even flinch when I told him I had volunteered him to coach Hannah's soccer team. The soccer team full of 5 year old girls. Dude never even flinched. This is the guy who was eventually going to become an ass. It must be gonna happen later. So far he is doing pretty good at maintaining his "awwww that's so sweet" factor. I'm glad I went on that date.

i got nothin'...

seriously. I have tried to post something fun for 2 days now, but I sit down, and then, nothing. I got an email this morning telling me I hadn't posted in 3 days. It's not for lack of trying. Promise. Life is pretty mundane around here. I have cleaned all my toilets this week. I have done LOTS of laundry. I mopped the kitchen floor twice. Are you on the edge of your seat with the excitement of it all? I know! Me neither :)
This weekend will be packed with excitement as well. We are purchasing a wooden play set/swingset/fort type thing. The excitement will come in watching my husband get it put together and listening to the kids ask "is it done yet?" 600 billion times. Oh yeah. Big fun.
I might also be painting a bathroom this weekend. Might also go to the post office. I don't know how I live all of this excitement and glamour, so don't bother asking.

reason # 2,345,789 that i love target...

They sell shirts like this one...

because he is, afterall, a ladies man and now he can advertise it.

mind-numbing, soul-sucking, family-fun place....

That's what Magic Mountain's tag line should read. The place has 2 floors. One covered wall to wall in blinking lighted, token sucking games that offer up tickets to use towards the purchase of less than dollar store quality prizes. The other floor is a germ fest covered climbing gym. Complete with balls that small children with snotty noses suck on, then toss at other children. Sound like a birthday party place to you? Yeah, me too. Big time fun. And we PAID to have a party there with approximately 9.3 million other people today. It was almost more fun than I could handle. I think it actually was.
But, I didn't lose any of the children that were left in my capable hands, no one vomited, no one got hurt, and only Hannah cried. And let's face it, she always does so that really doesn't count. She didn't get enough tickets to win one of the lovely/sarcasm/ prizes. And all the kids had fun, which is what really counts. They lost to some teenagers in a game of laser tag by a little over 10,000 points and still came out laughing and smiling like they had won the gold medal in the Olympics. Justin was happy about every inch of his special day and I don't even think he noticed me twitching every time he picked up a germ crusted ball to wing at one of his friends. The fact that it was my own personal hell doesn't really matter as long as the kids had fun :)

just when i want to tender my resignation...

it was just one of those mornings. We have a lot of them, but everything seemed amplified to me today. I've had a week full of schedule this, now reschedule that, don't forget to turn this, this, and this in. Did you already pay for this? Do we need to pay this now or later? Did you bake the cupcakes, what about the cake? Where is the stuff for the goodie bags? You mean the bags aren't done? What about the bows, earrings, and hats for the dance class? Did you get the pictures ordered? Where is THAT order form??? It just goes on and on sometimes. Most of the time actually. I love my life, my kids, my husband...but there are days when I want to be handed a pink slip. I want to tear my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs "I QUIT!" But, alas, I have one of those jobs you can't quit. You can't quit and you can't have breaks either- potty or otherwise- because more often than not, your boss follows you into the bathroom and wants to help flush. Cause it's fun to watch. Like I said, it's been one of those days.
Then something happens that turns it around for me. No- I didn't get a raise today. In fact I don't even get a damn paycheck. Remind me to speak to management about that later! Today the turnaround was my sick little boy. He can't help that his continuous vomit streak for the last 2 days has been a constant source of worry for me. Both worry for him and worry that he might puke on my favorite chair next. The chair that I have wanted for 10 yrs and finally have. Puke wouldn't be easy to clean up in my chair. But, my little sick boy just climbed up into my lap and gave me a big hug. Then he looked up and smiled his crooked smile and said "my love you mama." Plain and simple. I think I'll hang onto my job for a while longer.
Who needs a paycheck?

the day I became a mama...

Justin turned seven today.

I can hardly believe that it's been seven years already since I endured my first (and easiest) round of labor and delivery.

Seven years since I held that little bundle of boy in my arms for the first time.

Seven years since we cleaned his little head off for the first time and realized he had fire-red hair.

Seven years since I had my very first mommy scare. They took him to the NICU to help him breathe and I learned what real fear is all about.

Seven years of skinned knees.

Seven years of "but why??"

Seven years of snuggles.

Seven years of standing in his doorway, staring at him sleeping for a few minutes every night.

Seven years of "WHAT was that noise?" "Why is the cat running away from you so fast?"

Seven years of countless proud mama moments.

Seven years of wondering what I did with myself before I had kids.


Thanks to go to Justin. For all seven years of being my first born chiclet. For being my learning curve and forgiving the countless mistakes in parenting. I couldn't have asked for a better red-headed monkey than you!

march thaw- the positive notes...

That's right. It's children playing outside. What's that noise I'm hearing? Oh, it's the sound of peace and quiet. IN MY HOUSE. Ahhhh....the joys of the thaw.

the march thaw...

while it is snowing blizzard style in many parts of the country, it is finally NOT doing that here. And I am grateful for the break. I know it'll be back before I can call it Spring, but after 2 or more solid weeks of PILES of snow everywhere, I can see my yard again. It even rained all day yesterday, so what was left of the snow is officially 100% gone. I love that I can see my yard, and yet it brings to mind my least favorite job. See...we have 3 dogs. During all of the snowy weeks we have had, it has been layers of snow, then ice, then snow, then ice... you get the picture? So for 2+ weeks now I haven't been able to clean up after my sweet doggies. At all. The March thaw means I can do it finally. I just trudged through the yard in my (ugly, but very washable thankyouverymuch) crocs to do the duty. And it was not pretty. I tried to do it one day last week, but the top layer on that particular day was ice. That is, ice on top of 8 or so inches of snow/ice mix. So it was as if I was ice skating in my backyard. I would skate for a few steps and then fall through. I gave up pretty fast. I love my dogs, but I seriously hate dog clean up in the winter. Now it is done and because I did it, I can demand a backrub tonight.
How's that for some fun reading for you? All about the clean up of dog shit. Hey! I never claimed it would always be interesting reading. At least I didn't post pictures. You're welcome.

better...not great... but better...

i feel marginally human again today. Marginally, in that I don't feel like I need to lay down and have a nap every time I am standing for more than 5 minutes. Good thing too, because Thurs = hell day in this house now. We have dance, gymnastics, and karate all on the same day. This from the mom who swore she'd never have her kids in more than 1 activity at a time. Just wait! In a mere few weeks baseball and soccer start up. Justin had to choose between the 2 and (of course because I HATE it) he chose baseball. Hannah wants to do soccer again. Hopefully Matt will have to coach Justin's baseball team so he'll be in charge of getting him there. Because, seriously, I despise baseball. I don't have concrete reasons for it, so don't bother asking. I can't help that of all the chiclet sports there are to choose from, I hates me some baseball the most. I think it stems mostly from the fact that there is no time limit on it. You can be at one little league baseball game for days, weeks even! Slight exaggeration, but really they go on, and on, and on, f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Give me a good 45 min. soccer game any day of the week.
So anyway...feeling better today. Cranky, but better. Only a few remaining swords in my throat. Still blaming Matt for that. I'm sure he did it.

virus...

as soon as you read this, hose your keyboard down with Lysol so you don't get my death-ish germs.
I've been hit by a truck. A big truck with big wheels. In it's wake I am a shell of my former self and am currently struggling to swallow even though I am certain Matt put little, tiny swords in my throat while I was sleeping. Why would he do such a thing? Does he enjoy seeing me barely able to lift my head? Apparently. I trudged through the shower and it made me feel well enough to turn on the computer. Now I have wasted reserve energy on typing and I must go lay down and swallow swords again while the children tear the house apart.
Enjoy your day. And I wasn't kidding about the Lysol. Spray it now or face the consequences.

even the dog is in on the plot...

my children got together last night before bed. They got together to plot. They are plotting to drive me to the brink of insanity. When I am hovering on the edge, the dog is going to push me over. Oh yeah, even the dog is in on the plot. She's still haboring a bitterness over the fact that I made her get her skanky teeth cleaned last week. Dogs really hang onto grudges over that kind of stuff.
Hannah is doing her part by displaying enough attitude to make me want to pack a bag for her and point her in the direction of the road leading to grandma's house. Because, really? Only grandma would put up with her smart ass mouth without tearing her hair out.
Ryan is being three. Enough said. He wants to wear underwear, but doesn't so much want to sit on the potty. Hmmm. If he pees on my favorite chair, he'll be on his way to grandma's also. Hannah will be happy to have the company on the long walk. If they don't kill each other on the way. They probably will.
Justin is at school, so his part in the plot remains to be seen.
The dog is dancing around the house likes she needs to go out. She's been out 5 times. She goes out and then stands at the door barking. She wants to go out, but not be outside. Hmmm.
And really, I'm just in a bad mood. So pushing me to the edge of the insanity ledge is only a couple of steps. They picked a good day to want to push it. Or a bad day depending on how you look at it.
Is it Friday yet?

to ryan...

someone asked me yesterday if I ever regretted having a 3rd child. Such a bizarre question to me. Like, I really would have answered yes to that? I have never regretted a moment of your life, little man. You bring joy and laughter to me when I am in the darkest of moods. Just yesterday I was cracking smiles all day while you carried around your collection of Polly Pockets dressed in ballgowns and Star Wars figures. Polly & Yoda had a fantastic lightsaber battle and they all ride around in the Rescue Hero space ship. Even in my foul state of mind yesterday, how could I not laugh at that?
You repeat everything that everyone says. It makes Hannah insane, makes me watch my mouth, makes Justin come up with crazy sentences just to see if you'll say it too. And you do.
You always have a chocolate milk mustache. Even when I don't remember giving you chocolate milk. I wipe your face off a dozen times a day, and every time I turn around you are sporting a fu man chu style 'stache. It's rather endearing.
You have your own sense of style. No one can pick out your jammies but you and all clothing must meet your daily approval. You also can wear a Power Ranger costume that is 4 sizes to big and make it look just right. And wear it you do. All the time. Between that and the Dart Vader helmet (also a little too big) we never know which character to expect.
You keep us on our toes.
So, regret? Ummm...no. Are we thankful for you? You bet. Every minute of every day I am thankful that I have you to boss me around.

the thing they forgot to mention...

when they described this house in the real estate literature, it was "a great family house in a wonderful neighborhood". It made it seem like the perfect house for us. No one mentioned that it sits smack in the middle of the school district that NEVER HAS SCHOOL. It may have deterred me a smidge. Today my children are out of school. AGAIN. Why? Because it is foggy. Every other district in the area (and I'm not exaggerating) is on a 2 hr delay. Not us. They didn't even give the delay a shot in hopes that the fog would burn off. Just shut 'er down again. As it stands, Justin and his classmates will be making up 4 days already. I'm guessing before it's over, they'll hit that 5th day and be making up a week at the end of the school year.
UUUUGGGHHHHHH....

celebrating the year of the pig...

in a way only our family can do!

Meet Milo...

Hannah has wanted a guinea pig for months. We decided to take the plunge this weekend. We adopted him from the Humane Society. He is incredibly sweet and even more patient which is a must in this family.

So how is everyone else celebrating the year of the pig?? :)

i don't want to own a teenager....

my kids make me insane. daily. I make no bones about it. Love them, but they drive me insane. After spending 10 days with my brothers, I have a deep appreciation for my little chiclets. Why? Because they can't drive anywhere. And they don't stay out past my bedtime. Ever. My brothers have a very, very long leash. Compared to the very, very short leash that I wore at their age (more a choke collar, than a leash really) their leashes are relatively non-existent. I know, woe is me, I was the oldest child who was never allowed to do anything... blah, blah, blah. But really, I wasn't allowed out past 11 pm until I graduated High School, except for prom nights when I had to be home at midnight one year and 1 am on the other years. That's 11 pm, even on the weekends. Like I said, it was more a choke collar than a leash that I wore. I believe the reason for this was that my parents despised the boyfriend that I clung to during most of High School. With good reason. He was a loser but I didn't see that as clearly as my parents could. Now I do. Thanks for that, mom. Anyway...where was I? Oh, yes...my brothers have a lack of curfew. Meaning, basically, none at all. Not even on school nights. This is insanity to me, but they aren't my children. The problem for me is that, when I am filling in for my parents while they are off at a dog show or on a vacation, I have to deal with this ridiculous-ness. I have to lay awake worrying about them being off in a ditch somewhere until they decide to roll in the front door. Once this past week it was at 12:30 am. On a school night. Or how about 3:30 am? That one was on a weekend, but seriously? 3:30 am???? I whined to my mom about it at one point and she said, "well, they were skiing." OHHHH!!! Then it's OK that I got no sleep last night! Never mind.
And if I whine to my brothers about it, they stare blankly at me. They don't have a concept of curfews and if I start explaining the term to them in the manner I was accustomed to, they are either hearing the Charlie Brown teacher's voice (wah wah wah wah wah) or the old " in my day I had to walk 10 miles uphill each way in 30 ft of snow" speech. They tune out immediately.
So in essence what this was about:
1. teenagers suck.
1. a. they suck even worse when they aren't yours and you have to abide by someone else's rules.
1. b. especially when they are raised by the same people that put you in a choke collar.
2. a drivers license in the hand of a 17 yr old boy is the work of satan.
2. a. no really, when you are lying awake a 2 am wondering where the hell they are, satan is at work
3. cell phones are no good if they are ignored
3. a. cell phones are always ignored when a 17 yr old boy doesn't want to come home yet
3. b. same goes for the 18 yr old boy
4. appreciate your chiclets while they do not have the capability to make you insane in this manner. It's only a matter of time.

havin' me a hiatus....

not much to post, not much time to post it.
My parents are out of town for their big annual New York trip. They used to say it was to go to the Westminster Dog Show, but I have wised up and informed them I have it figured out. They left on Tues. The dog show doesn't start until NEXT MONDAY. They aren't in New York for a dog show, they are New York for a vacation. Whatever. Either way, I am slammed. It has almost been a blessing that the kids have been out of school all week (oh yes. all week.) because I haven't had to do as much back and forth driving. I won't be so lucky next week. It'll be wonderful (and I do mean wonderful) to have the kids back in school, but it means I'll be carpool mama. Between driving them and getting their stuff together, I also have to keep track of my teenage brothers and take care of my mom's collection of dogs. Neither of those last two items are easy or enjoyable. But I signed on for the job.
ANYWAY...the point of all of this chatter is that I won't have time to be bloggin'. I'll return around Fri of next week. I know the 4 people who read this will miss me greatly :) Back soon!

day 3 and counting...

so... the kids are home again. This is spoken through gritted teeth. I am hopeful for a school day tomorrow because the temps are up today and we aren't supposed to be blasted with snow again.
I am very hopeful. Because, really, I don't think I can scrap together enough Weight Watcher points to drink the tumbler full of Bailey's and cream that is my desire today. God help me if I have to take another day of bored kids.

school's out AGAIN...

mama's got nothing. I pulled out all the stops yesterday.

school's out. go build something....

it is so cold, they cancelled school today. I don't have a memory of that happening in my childhood. Probably it did, but I only remember school being called because of snow. There isn't all that much snow, but it is cold. Scratch that. Not just cold. It is bitter, freeze the ears right off of your head, curse mother nature, FUH-REEZING out. Of course Justin wants to go out and play. I'm having to explain the finer points of frost bite to him to make him understand why it isn't so much a good idea. To keep him in the house and happy I had to get creative. I am praising the creators of the Cranium company today. I got the kids the Super Fort for Christmas. They had one big giant structure built for about a week after Christmas until I got tired of looking at it and took it all down. They screamed at me and told me how mean I was. But I can take it, I hear all of that daily. I thought to myself what a good idea it would be to put it up for awhile and pull it out on a day just such as today. And again, I have stunned myself with my own brilliance. I pulled it out an hour ago and all 3 children have been busy creating some type of structure since then. And no one is dead yet. In fact I haven't even heard an argument. Anyone with more than one child, knows that this is a miracle. I heart the Super Fort.

why is it?

so, I am giddy over a few things right now. And I don't really know why. They don't much directly affect me, but I am regardless, excited over them.
1) My husband's birthday present is en-route from Fed-Ex and should be here tomorrow. It is something so stupid, I know he will love it. At least I hope so or it will be the let-down of the decade for me. I don't know how I will wait 10 more days to give it to him.
2) Jen's family is leaving for Disney in the next few days. I told you these didn't mostly affect me. Her kids don't know about it and I just can't wait to hear their reactions. I saw a Disney commercial the other day and got almost teary with excitement. Did I mention this is someone else's family entirely? Why am I so excited? Again, no idea.
3) I made an excellent dinner last night that had everyone licking their plates clean. I felt a little Martha-ish about it.

Just had to share. That, or I got nothing else. You pick.

back to reality...

I had the most wonderful-est weekend. Carol was flown up to the frozen tundra that is the state of Ohio for the weekend. This is no small feat. She is a South Carolinian who is originally from Florida. Did you catch the earlier bit about the frozen tundra that is Ohio?? Needless to say, while shopping, I was at that stage where you just give up and leave your coat in the car because it's too damn hot to wear it in the store and too bulky to carry it and shop. Carol on the other hand, had my heavy coat with the zipout fleece liner (zipped in), gloves, scarf, headband over her ears...in the store. Girlfriend was not easily adjusted to the tundra. But did we have fun?? Oh but of course we did!!! We drank wine that was DIVINE. Made the world's greatest margaritas (and yes, I am the authority). Worked on scrapbooks and crafty projects. ate. shopped. ate. shopped. ate. ate. ate. shopped. It was a wonderful weekend. As always, I was delirious with sadness when I dropped her off at the airport.
I think she was thrilled with the weekend also. She was begging to see snow- because being from the South, she is stupid like that :) She not only saw snow, she saw it snow so hard it was blowing sideways-this was amazing to her. We drove through blowing snow that cause white-out conditions. All the things that make southerners twitch, while us northerners barely notice. So, she got the snow she asked for and all of the above mentioned fun-ness. What more can you ask for??
Oh and P.S. I had alcohol IN FRONT OF MY KIDS. Eat your heart out Dr. Janet Taylor.

cocktails and kids....

I don't mix them up for my kids, but I know they appreciate seeing me mix them sometimes. They've never said it out loud, but I think that when I'm in a particularly foul state of mind they must be happy when they see mama's blue shaker come out for the 4 o'clock cocktail. Is that horrible? I just don't think it is. I'm not an alcoholic. Does me saying that mean I am??? I don't NEED a drink to get through the day, but sometimes it sure does help me get through that black tunnel that is the 4-6 p.m. time slot (sometimes 6:30 and WOW does that 1/2 hr make a difference!).
Why am I talking about this??? Because someone I know was on the Today Show talking about the same subject this morning. It was super cool to see an old friend on TV. And it was funny to see her try to make a point about it being OK to drink at a playgroup with your kids, while a PhD or some such person tried to argue it against her. Because, really what are we talking about here? Someone who gets sloshed and gets in her minivan with the kids? No. More like someone who knows their limits and can have a drink with friends in the afternoon. What's the big deal? At one point the woman argued that it wasn't responsible parenting to drink in front of our children. But isn't it? Isn't it good to show them that it's OK when and ADULT has a drink and doesn't get total smashed everytime they start drinking.
Whatever....I don't want to start an arguement. It was pretty cool to see someone I knew, chatting it up with Meredith this morning.
Here's the link if you care to watch...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16818362/

help me out here...

I am trying to understand myself. Not that I expect anyone to "get" me, but at least I can hope that there are other people out there like this.
Is it possible to hate cleaning and still be somewhat of a neat freak? I am twisted like that. Cause I hate cleaning. Maybe hate is a strong word, but I can procrastinate on cleaning like nobody's business. And yet...I am a freak about my house being clean. I think it started when we had the house on the market. It always had to be clean because you never knew when someone was going to call for a showing. I spent every waking minute dusting, swiffering, vacuuming, tidying...you get the picture. I can't stop it now. I don't do it as much. But, for instance, I just finished vacuuming Justin's ceiling fan. Isn't that, like, a spring cleaning thing? Maybe it's not and normal people do it regularly, but I can promise you it doesn't feel normal, to me, to feel compelled to vacuum a fan. I was thinking the other day how nice it would be to take some money from the money tree out back and have a cleaning lady come in once a month. Then I thought to myself "self...that's crazy. You know they wouldn't do all the things you want them to do. Then you'd bitch because they didn't vacuum the fan blades." I'd just feel like I was wasting my money tree money.
I used to want to die if someone showed up unannounced at my home. Because, wow, the mess. Maybe it was because our house was smaller. I just don't feel now like I would die a thousand deaths if someone saw my house on any given day now. Granted there are a lot more places to stash the chaos around here. Don't dare open Hannah's closet. Ever. You will have nightmares. Believe me. But on the main floor...I am constantly wiping off counters, picking up toys, swiffering...the average person could walk into my house and not be traumatized by what they saw. Unless you opened Hannah's closet, and seriously?? I warned you about that, didn't I?? I cannot claim you wouldn't have been forever traumatized by the chaos before our house went on the market last year. I guess I am a changed woman. It's not a bad thing, it just causes conflict in my head. Like, I am compelled to clean, but I don't wanna. What is extra weird is that I am not traumatized by mess in other people's houses. So why do I feel the need to always have my house be clean? Are the clean police patrolling my neighborhood? I think not. But if they do, they can check the ceiling fan blades with white gloves. They are clean as a whistle!

Edited to add: this does not mean you won't come into my house and find dog hair all over and crumbs on the table. There is only so much one human can do in a day. I don't WANT you to find these things, but you will because I don't wanna clean it up right now.

now I know...

so a skinny, little, old man made fun of me today. Had I not had my hands full of wiggling, grouchy, pain in the ass 2 1/2 year old, I'd might have kicked his scrawny ass. He'd have thought twice before making fun of the housewife at the hardware store on a snowy morning ever again. Why did he make fun of me you ask? Was it my stained sweat pants? Was it my static loving hair? Was it the fact that I spent my 5 minutes in the store saying "stop it!" "don't touch him!" "no, you can't have that!" "no, there are no toys here!" at least 100 times a piece? No. Nope. None of those. He was making fun of me because I was looking for rock salt. In the store. Isn't that hysterical?? Like wet your pants, spit coffee out of your nose hysterical?? Yeah, no. I didn't think so either. But the skinny old man did. So did the employee who fetched my rock salt from the barn out back.
I forget now and then that the town we live in was a farm town about 10 years ago. Apparently the hardware store is still "farm town". Now I know they keep stuff like rock salt in the barn. And P.S. they only sell it in 40 or 80# bags. Not 20#. Ever. You can make fun of me too now if you want. But be careful. There is a foul mood lurking about today. You've been fore-warned.

One word...

This Moment: hungry
Your Shoes: muddy
Craving: cheeseburger
The State of Your Home: earthquake
Annoyed By: one-upping
Noise In the Background: Shrek
Really Want To: shop
Thinking About: paint
Smelling: coffee
Favorite Product In Office Supply Aisle: calendar
Don't Ever Want To: forget
Your Eye Color: blue
The Weather: snowy
Have Never Tried: sky-diving
Think Everyone Should Try: brownies
Last Vacation Destination: Scotland
The Last Thing You Had to Drink: coffee
Your Bad Habit: procrastination
What You're Going To Do Now: vacuum

just another day....

so, yeah...today's my birthday. I remember as a child the freakish anticipation that I had for this day. Like it was magical and I would suddenly feel a bit older and wiser when I woke up. I'm not sure if I did...I can't remember. Either way, birthdays no longer hold the magical spark. I am a little excited because I get Carol in less than 2 weeks for a whole weekend and that is a way cool present. And I am drinking my fave coffee this morning because Karen still remembers what I love best and that I can only get it in Michigan. Matt told me not to worry about dinner tonight so that could be good or bad...who knows what it might be, but at least I don't have to cook or clean up, right?
Maybe if I'm super lucky, I can use my birthday money to get the bookshelf I have been longing for in the living room. I'm pretty sure I never anticipated such a lame thing for my birthday when I was a child, but it seems silly to wish for a Barbie now like I did then! And the coffee pot I am drooling over is out of the question if I want the bookshelves. Older = more practical it seems.

disclosures...

as I watched the front window drip with water today, I was thinking of the former owners of our house. Again. Because the water was dripping on the inside, not on the outside where it should be. It leads me to wonder if it has always done that and they just forgot to mention it. Sort of like they forgot to mention that our lovely sliding glass door was backwards and didn't quite fit. We hated them for that. For a long time. Then a little bird (OK not a bird, it was Carol) reminded me of the list o' shit we left for the new owners of our old house to find out on their own. Things like...
- you can't use a real blow dryer or you'll knock out the power. You have to use a travel blow dryer with less wattage.
- the ceiling may fall in, in the basement. The pipes used to sweat really bad in the summer when the A/C was cranked. That may have caused an issue with the drywall. I'll never know, but the new owners might now.
- you will freeze your ass off in the winter while sitting in the living room until you replace those 50+ year old windows. I was just there this weekend and I see you haven't done it yet. You might change your mind now that the real winter is coming to SE Michigan.
- you will not be able to control the temperature in the summer either. Those windows let in copious amounts of sunshine, which is beautiful, but also copious amounts of heat. Not so good.
-the cable hook-up in the basement cuts out when the dryer buzzer goes off. Sorry, we never could figure that one out.
- you will never be able to cook a full-out meal in your kitchen. You will curse this when you entertain unless you order pizza. Jet's is right down the road though, and their pizza works in a pinch.

And that's just what I could come up with off the top of my head. I'm certain there is more they are cursing us for. So, in our much newer (by about 40 years) home we find different problems, but problems none the less. Home ownership does not allow you to escape these issues. They call them disclosures in the legal paperwork you sign when you buy or sell, but no one REALLY discloses those type of issues. Or maybe they do. Maybe I should delete this now so that the new owners of our former home don't sue us.
So I think about the little issues I left at our old house and no longer hate the old owners of our new house. I would however like to know when our house will stop being referred to as their house. And when will the neighbors will know us as more than the people who bought the Smith's* house?

*look at me, protecting the name of the former owners. Smith is obviously NOT their real name.

i'm over it...

in case you thought I was TRULY in mourning over the Buckeyes, I'm not that Ohio State crazy. I just had an overwhelming week. One of those non-stop, full of chaos type weeks that make you wish you had time to mix a drink, but alas... not even a mixing moment can be found. I did finally come out of the chaos and have a fabulous trip up North to see the Michigan buddies. It was the perfect cap to an insane week, because my good friend Julie is a fabulous cocktail shaker and she had a new, to-die-for margarita recipe. I REALLY needed a good margarita this weekend! The actual reason for the trip was a surprise baby shower for our friend Sarah who was the final 2-child hold out in our insane group. Come this March we will all have 3 children and the circle will be complete. If they would agree to it, we would probably all march our husbands in together to have vasectomies at the same time, because it is our shared belief that for our families, 3 is ENOUGH! We had Sarah believing that we were coming up for my birthday and all the girls were celebrating me (!!) while the husbands kept the children at another house (which in and of itself was a reason to celebrate!). When she arrived she was shocked to find the party was for her and babe number 3! It was a good time :) Even better for the rest of us because we had a built in designated driver. We toasted her with margaritas while she drank pink lemonade and chuckled at our drunken stupidity. The kids all had a total blast and there wasn't even one argument- monumental considering there were 11 kids between the ages of 6 and 2 in one house for multiple hours.
It is always good and bad for me to see them again. I miss them terribly. We have gotten each other through some really tough times. They mean the world to me and it sucks that our visits are so few and far between now. What is wonderful for me to see is that our kids still fall into playing with each other like they always have. It's like they were never away.
After a long, hard week it was a true perfection weekend.

WTF

you'll have to excuse me while I have a day of mourning for my beloved Buckeyes who were regrettably absent for last night's National Championship game. Word on the street is the ACTUAL team was lost in an oscure airport in Mexico, so they fielded a team of high school freshman in their place.

it's january....

no really. It is! I know it's 59-ish and rainy and if you're like me, that just screams April, but seriously, it's January. Never in my memory have I seen this winter. We haven't had snow yet. Nothing that stuck anyways. I'm not complaining- don't get me wrong. I'm all about this new improved winter we have been handed thus far. We are traipsing up North to good ol' MI in about a week, so I'm sure we'll be buried that weekend. And we'll still have to go because devastation does not touch upon what my children would feel if we had to cancel that trip. They are DYING to see their old buddies up north. Actually, so am I. I am craving time surrounded by people who float in the same boat I do. I miss my gang. It's like sliding into an old comfortable pair of jeans, because we just are who we are and we love each other for it. So damn the snow mounds (if they are indeed coming) off to MI we go.
Today it is raining and raining and raining. I was all blah and miserable about it, but I cheered myself right up by blasting U2 from the ipod on my sparkly new Bose speakers. It's almost as good as live, but not quite because no Bono...and he is so...yum... But it sounds pretty damn good. U2 has an amazing way of cheering me up. Even on rainy, spring, January days.

thoughts on pinewood derby....

there are things in child-rearing that i come across that make me insane. Some things I am mentally prepared for, others...not so much. One of the things I am mentally prepared for is watching my child lose at things because the kid who won has parents who do projects for them. You know the ones who come up with atomic bombs for the 4th grade science fair? That is one of those things that makes me bonkers. What exactly is it that you are teaching your child when you do a project start to finish while they watch? How smart their mommy/daddy is?
So, this year in tiger scouts we are being introduced to pinewood derby. Anyone in scouts knows what it is, for those who don't, the kids are building a car out of a block of wood and racing them to see who can make the fastest car. Matt spent the better part of yesterday researching how to (legally) make Justin's car fast. I had to politely remind him that this is (ahem) not his car, it is Justin's car. Justin has already chosen his body style, color, etc. No matter how much Matt wants a different style, he must be reminded it is no longer his turn to make a car. He already had his time in pinewood derby spotlights. So pretty much I have been forcing Matt to let Justin do his own thing. Matt cut the car out for him and will assist him if it's dangerous, otherwise he is to keep his mouth duct taped shut. Because of this, I know we will arrive with our lime green car with painted on fire that is not sanded to perfection and look around to see cars that look like they were designed at GM or Ford laboratories and know that the scout involved with the making of that car did little more than play his gameboy while his dad did all the work. And that pisses me off. But what can you do? Other than know it will be a lesson for Justin, that sometimes that's just the way it goes. Might as well prepare him for the upcoming years of science fair hell, yes?
It is my supreme hope that Justin gets a thrill out of just watching his car roll down the track and that he won't care yet that he doesn't win. Not that I think he won't, but I'm guessing not all of the moms made their husband throw away the plans for uber-aerodynamic models that they pulled off of the internet.

this year i resolve...

not to make resolutions. Because, I figure, why bother? I resolve to do the same shit every year and I pretty much end up in the same place. OK...not totally true. Last year I wanted to lose weight. And I did. 30 lbs. and I managed to keep 25 of it off. I think. I haven't gotten on the scale since before New Year's Eve and, good GOD, my mom made the most fabulous ribs on the planet. Made myself sick eating them. Yes indeed. Where was I? OH YEAH! Weight loss...blah blah blah. 20 more lbs this year yadda, yadda, yadda.
I'd love to resolve to stop cursing in front of my children. Especially since last week when Ryan spilled a full glass of chocolate milk all over the floor, without skipping a beat Hannah says "what the hell?" I had to do a double take to see if it was me or her speaking. OOPS. At least she isn't dropping the F bomb. Yet. So like I said, I'd like to curse less in front of my kids. Really I would. But I think I resolved to do that last year too and that brings me back to where this story started.
So this year I resolve to not make resolutions. I think that way next year at this time I can say I was successful.
Happy New Year to all. Don't forget to write 2007 now.

all crazy things must come to an end...

Christmas has come and gone for yet another year. I love the holiday. It is by far my favorite, but it sure does zap your energy and patience towards the end. I had to keep remind myself to slow down yesterday. Take a breath and enjoy everyone and the zany things they do. Try to not growl when Hannah ask me to open yet another Barbie box. Why do they attach Barbies into the boxes with 40 twist ties? And they sew their hair to the box?? Huh?? Just, why? I was so tired of opening them by the end of the day. But then I watch her take their little shoes off (to be sucked up by the vacuum later this week-stay tuned) and play with their hair and change their clothes. She is in little girl heaven. Justin is in little boy heaven too, but he is so absorbed in video games, I have a hard time actually seeing the joy first hand. I think Matt gets Justin's joy more then I do. Ry is just funny playing with his stuff. And everyone else's stuff. We were cracking up watching him play last night. He goes from painting his face with Hannah's new makeup kit, to running around with a light saber and a Darth Vader helmet on. It's this stuff I have to take in and enjoy. Soon enough they'll be opening boxes with boring stuff like clothes.
Hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas! Twist tied toys and all.

enough with the list already...

so why bother making a list? I crossed off so very little and just added more to it. Blah.
In my defense, I did get the bathrooms clean and got a mountain of laundry clean. Of course now I have to put a mountain of clothes away and flip out every time someone uses a toilet. I quietly pondered making them use the great outdoors instead of dirtying my clean potties, but that might have gotten a little weird with the neighbors and the public park behind us and all. But I digress...in the end, I am allowing my family to carefully pee in toilets and begging them not to make me clean them again until Christmas is long over. Or at least Dec 26th.
Added to my list are small gifts for the neighborhood children. Apparently we were exchanging them?? No one told me. Silly me, I assumed that the children's gift swap at the neighborhood party served this purpose. Guess not. Either way, I am shopping the dollar store for them because I refuse to drop a ton of cash on it. Go ahead, call me scrooge.
I also added a couple of other things that I have already forgotten because I am refusing to write shit down this week. I'll remember later and freak out all over again. It's all good.
None of it matters because tomorrow I am entering the 7th level of hell. I must do all of my Christmas shopping with all of the other last minute shoppers. In my head, I think that finding a parking spot will send me into mad screaming fits, let alone actually entering stores and standing in lines. Just thinking about it makes my head spin. My answer to all of this is to force my husband to stop in the middle of the day and take me to my current favorite food spot so I can eat some good grub :) My other answer to the mess is to shrug my shoulders and just go with it. If we can't find everything on the list, we'll find something else. To quote Tom Cruise before he became a raging, couch jumping, cradle robbing, know-it-all jackass, "sometimes you just have to say, what the fuck". I think I'll be saying it a lot tomorrow. My sister is watching the kids for us so I won't be saying it in front of them. I am thanking God for my sister and her willingness to stay with them. Dragging the 3 of them around with us tomorrow would mean adding another stop or 5 to the liquor store.
Dear Santa: all I want for Christmas is sanity.

this list that never ends...

Amy's to-do...

1. make teacher cards. have son sign cards and remind him 14 times to actually deliver cards today at school.

2. bake, bake, and bake some more. I have had one batch of cookies so far turn out good, the rest have been horrible.

3. go to grocery and find cookies that look homemade to pass off to Santa.

4. go to liquor store.

5. pick up ornaments that have fallen off (or been knocked off) of the tree AGAIN.

6. purchase almost all of our gifts. i still have 4 days, right? **twitch** **twitch**

7. go to liquor store.

8. wrap all of the *&^% -ing gifts.

9. threaten to call Santa's cell phone (shut up, it is 2006- you know he has one now!) for the 137th time this month.

10. build a robo-mom to clean my house.

11. realize robo-mom needs the same damn batteries that everything else in this house needs that WE DON'T HAVE.

12. throw robo-mom in the yard.

13. go to liquor store.

14. clean house and threaten children with bodily harm and a call to Santa's cell if they touch anything or pee even a drop outside of the toilet. (Matt this goes for you too)

15. go to grocery for the 20th time this week.

16. go to liquor store.

17. Pick up ornaments that have fallen off the tree AGAIN. Throw ornaments and tree out in the yard with robo-mom.

i want it all....

there is a very, very fine line that most kids are walking this time of year. My six year old is falling off to one side right now. It's that line between being a greedy rat bastard and just being a normal kid who wants a lot of cool stuff. I like to think he is more on the normal kid side, but all I have heard for days is what he wants. My kids do not lack much. I hate to call them spoiled, but they have a lot of stuff. This boy of mine, whined at the neighborhood Christmas party because the Transformer he got in the gift exchange was a small one, not a big one. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment at his behavior. I know that kids are prone to bratty nature at this time of year, but I feel like by ignoring it and calling it "just being a kid" it makes it seem like that is OK to me. It is not. I lectured him when we got home and then again yesterday we talked about the spirit of the season, and how good it makes you feel to do for others instead of concentrating on making a list in your head of all the stuff you want to have.
I don't think most of it penetrated his head. He just nodded at me and then went back to whatever he was doing. Am I being a nag? Probably. I ended our little discussion last night by telling him if he dared look around on Christmas day after opening his pile-o-presents and say "is that it?" (isn't that every mother's nightmare?? Tell me it is, and it's not just me) I was going to pack up all of his gifts and take them to a child who deserved them. That struck a little fear into his face.
On another Christmas-y note, I now have a prominent twitch in my left eye. Love that. I'm thinking that's a sure sign of stress and I can't fix it until Friday. That, my friends, makes me want to twitch more.

because apparently I need to be told more than once...

more than 4 glasses of wine = hellacious hangover

and why do I never remember to pop 2 advil before going to sleep (passing out in this case) ??

On the bright side, I was so drunk, I didn't even notice my screaming feet. Problem solved!

pretend these shoes don't make your feet bleed...

we have an evening out tonight. Matt's sister is keeping the kids, we are going to Cincy (2 hrs South), and have a hotel for a whole night. You'd think I'd be jumping for joy, correct? I wish I was, but I despise gatherings like this. Matt's company Christmas party. Just the thought makes me want to scream and run around in circles. I'm good in groups where I know 2 or 3 people, but in a group where I don't know anyone but Matt, and he knows everyone? Yikes. I'm going to be introduced to 40 or so people tonight and not remember more than 3 of their names. Sounds fun, yes? Blah. Plus I have to dress up. This also makes me want to scream and run around in circles. I won't be able to do that though, because I'll have shoes on that are so uncomfortable they make my feet beg me to remove them. But they're so pretty!!

kick ass cookies and a game of tag...

i must pat myself on the back. I finished teacher gifts today. Divine mint chocolate covered pretzels. Then because I have to take cookies to Hannah's class tomorrow and because I love them, I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Only I don't really have a good recipe for them because I have two people who make them for me because they know I love them SO VERY MUCH. I wanted to find a good one so I shopped food network's website and came across one that looked good. It's not good, it is kick ass good! They are yummy beyond all reason.

Then I got tagged by Janet, so tag I'm it...here's a game of ABC tag...

A - Available or single: None of the above. Married for 11 1/2 yrs.
B - Best friend: I'm so lucky! I have 2! Kelley & Carol
C- Cake or pie: Cake...I love cake... and pie...wonder why my ass is so big??
D - Drink of choice: Chocolate martinis or Diet Mt Dew if I'm not being an alcoholic
E - Essential item you use everyday: My coffee pot
F - Favorite color: Periwinkle
G- Gummy bears or worms: GAGGING. I hate gummy anything.
H- Hometown: Columbus, Ohio
I - Indulgence: Cheryl's Cookies
J - January or February: January - 'cause it's my birthday month!
K - Kids & names: Justin (6), Hannah (5), Ryan (2)
L - Life is incomplete without? laughter
M - Marriage date: June 24, 1995
N - Number of siblings: 3
O - Oranges or apples: apples. oranges are too much damn work.
P - Phobias or fears: Sharks & being locked in a small enclosed space
Q - Fave quote: I could be the walrus, I'd still have to bum rides. (Ferris Bueller)
R - Reason to smile: Ryan singing 'Jingle Bells'
S - Season: Fall
T - Tag 3 or 4 people: Jenn P, Carol, Elle
U - Unknown fact about me: I can do the splits 3 ways.
V- Vegetable you don't like: Cooked spinach
W - Worst habit: excessive bitching
X - Xrays: ?? probably 10-ish??
Y - Your fave food: Mexican
Z - Zodiac sign: Capricorn (that's me- the goat!)

gone but never forgotten...

the world lost a really cool lady this week. I was lucky to call her my grandma. She had a rough couple of months at the end, but the majority of her life rocked. She was a nurse. Not just any nurse, a nurse who went into the army during World War II. She went all over Europe. She had fabulous stories about going on rides in stolen jeeps, hoping on airplanes for quickie trips to Casablanca, having people take pictures of her that would turn her parents hair grey. She was fun like that. She also had stories about following the soldiers in to liberate concentration camps. Every time I sat down with her she told me a story. Lots of times you would get the same story over and over. Like when she was so mad at my dad she jerked him into the house so fast she doesn't remember opening the screen door. She thinks she pulled him smack through it. Or the one she always told my sister about the cool bar she was at in Boston (my sister goes to Boston University) that rotated around in a circle once an hour. Only they didn't know it rotated so they thought they were a little punch drunk :) This happened the night before she shipped out for Europe. Most of the cool stories she told were about things that happened in her 20s. You could only wish to live as full of a life by the time you were in your mid- 20s.
Once she came home from the war, she started a family and continued nursing. She was a nurse at Children's Hospital for 30+ years. She worked some of the floors that most nurses say it takes a special kind of person to work. She was a special kind of person. When I had my tonsils out, I don't remember much more than vomiting for 4 days straight and her bringing me Garfield comic books to cheer me up. She made sure my nurses knew she was my grandma so that I got VIP status. But mostly it was the Garfield books. We both loved him.
I spent what was her last day at the hospital for 8 hours. I sat with her and if she woke up, I rubbed her arm or stroked her hair until she fell back to sleep. She wasn't aware enough to even know I was there, but I talked to her anyways. Sort of a little closure for me I guess. I didn't know it was her last day, but I knew it was coming.
Today was her funeral. She got a full military honor, 21 guns and all. She'd have loved that. It would have been even more exciting to her because one of the soldiers who folded up her flag was a woman. She was buried in her sweats because it's what she would've wanted. She'd have said she didn't want to wear panty hose through the pearly gates. We also made sure that on her feet, she was sporting her new pair of crocs. She is showing them to everyone in heaven right this minute I'm sure. She had to have them when she saw that all the nurses were wearing them. Everyone knows that nurses have the most comfortable shoes. It was one of the things she kept asking for in the hospital when she was all but delirious. She wanted those shoes!
I'm sad that she is gone. Sad that my kids aren't old enough to remember her stories and that they'll have to hear them second-hand from all of us. I cried when they played 'Taps' for her, but wanted to smile through my tears because if she'd been able, she'd have asked them to play 'boogie-woogie bugle boy' instead. That's just the kind of girl she was.
We're really going to miss her.

door is in...

the door is installed. I can't say much more about the wicked ordeal except that it's backwards and that is a bigger deal than you might think, and I hope that the prick who sold us this house is wallowing in nightmares in his new house. I truly believe he knew this door was going to be a major ordeal and that he bought the wrong thing and that it was going to cost a fortune in time and money to install. I don't care if the neighbors say he's the nicest guy on the planet and would never have left us the bad door if he had known. BULLSHIT. If he knew it wasn't going to be a total pain in the ass, why didn't HE install it? Why would he let his family sit in the lovely room with the drafty door last winter? Did they like having snow inside and out? I'm guessing not. I'm guessing he knew all of the above things and lied his ever-loving ass off to us to get us to accept the broken door when we bought the house. Lesson learned in the Mohler family. Once again it was a lesson learned with a brick to the head like most of our lessons are.
***siiiiigh*** at least the wind and snow are outside, not inside. I can be positive, right???
I do soooo hope that our friends who sold us this house are not planning to attend the annual street wide Christmas party next weekend. I'm not sure I'll be able to be pleasant.

grumbling...AGAIN...

so of course the door didn't get done yesterday. Why would it just because they said it would? It was too windy. Really??!!?? I hadn't noticed since the wind comes RIGHT INTO my jacked up sliding door. It was like 5 degrees (slight exaggeration, but only slight) in that room yesterday. The guy fixing our door said he'd come out today because it looks like it's supposed to be warmer. It is supposed to be a full 5 degrees warmer today. Less windy, so I will give him that.
If it doesn't get done today I will be going all-out-crazed-postal. Which may work out to my benefit since I have been asking my husband to pick up stamps for 2 days so I can mail these cards. He has yet to do it.

Edited later to add: Door guy called an hour ago and said they'd be here in a 1/2 hour. I am waiting as patiently as I can. Hopefully this means he is actually coming. Which doesn't necessarily mean it will get done, but I gotta look on the bright-ish side. AND darling Matt went and got stamps this morning before work. Because he is tired of listening to me bitch.

bah humbug...

i am crabby today. Not sure why, I just am. I'm trying to put my finger on the crab-factor and figure out why I am feeling it today. I think it's because the guys are supposed to be coming to fix the sliding glass door this afternoon. I am afraid to hope that they will actually show up and said door will actually be fixed today. I stood at the door today watching the dogs play in the snow and the draft coming in is obnoxious. You can't sit in that room- our family room where we do most of our sitting FYI- and be comfortable if it is the least bit cold or windy. It was supposed to be fixed in August and now it's December. Needless to say, I think the crank that is hanging over me today comes from the fear that they will not show up and it will once again not get fixed.
I think that's it. That's why I am a little crabby today.

ouchie...my hand...

the Christmas cards arrived today in the mail. Rather than put off that Christmas project like all (and I do mean ALL) of my Christmas to-dos I went ahead and addressed them. 2.5 hours later they are all addressed and my hand is permanently cramped into a pen gripping form. Within the next few days, 50+ of my friends and family will be rolling their eyes at yet another happy, smiling picture of my chiclets. I used to personalize each card with a cute and happy message. Then I got pregnant with my third child and got a clue. I do not have time for zippy messages. I barely have time to get cards in the mail. So be happy with the pre-printed heartfelt message :) It's the best I got!
Today for your entertainment I offer the picture rejects from our card picture taking session. I've said it before and will say it again. Trying to get 3 children to look in the same general direction and smile without looking like a troop of complete dorkuses (or is the plural dorkusi??) is much like trying to herd cats.

...You can almost hear Ryan saying 'CHEESE!' in this one

...Here we lose Ryan's focus

...No Hannah look at mommy!

...Less tooth Hannah. Justin, don't strangle your brother. Ryan, SIT UP!!!

in the land of make believe...

that's where I currently reside. In this land there are no deadlines or toilets to clean. You want to live there with me, don't you?
I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that Christmas is in like, 5 minutes. I know I have a little more time than that, but barely. I have an obscene amount of shopping to do and a limited budget to do it with. In the land of make believe I don't need money. Just my winning personality and toothy (metal covered) grin. I wish I could stay in make believe a while longer, but eventually I am going to have to step away from the bottle of Bailey's and come to reality once again.
**sigh**

as promised...

All twinkle-y and everything! Although now that Carol pointed out how wrong it is not to have a shiny star at the top...sigh. I have always loved my bow so maybe it's my imagination but is the top lacking??? Is it not twinkle-y enough?
I absolutely love having all of my Chrismas up and lit. Having the fireplace this year is a bonus. I had the fire going last night and it was awesome. There is just something peaceful about it all. Were it not for the drafty sliding glass door I would've stayed there all night! However now that it is frigid, the sliding glass door that doesn't work is a nuisance. A nuisance that will be remedied as of Thurs this week if all the stars align. I don't want to count my chickens yet because this is the 3rd time now I have thought it would certainly be fixed. I am hoping for the proverbial Christmas miracle. Maybe THIS time it will be fixable. So I can sit in my living room without a down quilt covering me. That would be ever so nice!

100% squirrel free...

the deed is done. We hiked into the wilderness (okay, not really. We drove to the farm and then were bussed into the woods) and picked us out a fine and dandy tree. Matt cut it down while I corraled the kids so we didn't lose them in the trees, and then we hauled it back and sipped cocoa while they bailed it. It was a perfect experience. It was extra fun being one of the families driving down the road with a tree strapped to the roof of the van. We got into in the house, stood it up and it is perfect floor to ceiling. If it had been a 1/2 inch taller, it would been too big.
It is all sparkly and decorated as of today. I promise a picture of the finished product tomorrow. It'll be a way prettier night time shot, and I'm a geek that way.

*Clark a.k.a Matt gives my tree choice a once over

it's december! it's december!!

Did you know?? Did ya??? The chiclets get a huge kick out of the advent calendar. We get to do a pocket today!!! YIPPEE!! They fist fight over who gets to do the first pocket (Justin won since he's the oldest) (and because he lets the dogs out for me once a day and that is-apparently- torture)
I sewed like a mad-woman to get that calendar finished in time for Christmas a couple of years ago, so it does my heart good to see them love it so. It also does my heart good when people see it for the first time and gush over it and ask me where I bought it. And then stare in shock and disbelief because ***gasp*** you made that?? I can be crafty! I think this year I might get some little chocolates for each pocket so that when they put the item for that day in, they can also take a tasty treat out. Plus...hello?? Chocolate? In the morning? I am bound to score good mama points with the chiclets for that! I wish I had thought of it before today. I suppose they'll forgive me for starting a day late!
Happy December to all :)

i'm ever so puzzled....

why do boys/men have such an issue with aim? And to clarify further why does the issue with aim seem to only affect them around toilets? Like, for instance, my husband, (who will probably want to kill me for this, but it's OK honey it affects ALL men, not just you!) he can aim a golf ball at a hole that is yards and yards and yards away. He can get pretty damn near that hole and usually on the first try. I've heard tales of a time or two when he has gotten it the first time. And yet...with penis in hand, the art of aim eludes him. I just. don't. get. it. My young and sweet son is much the same. As are most men in the world. I've been into men's rooms before- out of pure necessity and maybe a little morbid curiosity, not for some hanky panky. And WHO would go into a men's room for hanky panky anyways? Just, ICK! After venturing into a men's room I found an interesting thing out. Did you know that at stadiums and large facilities of the like, they have a trough-like contraption for the men to pee in? AND THEY USE IT. Can you imagine the horror if they tried this in the women's room? The line could be a mile long and I still would wait for a stall. I don't think there is any amount of desperation that would even make me think about trough use.
I think the trough was invented because it is easier to aim into. That's my guess. Because apparently the standard toilet is too damn small.
Toilet-cleaning Thursday was obviously no fun this week. No fun at all. Just, ICK.

the great tree debate...

real or fake? Feel free to weigh in on this issue. Most people lean very much one way or the other. There are few folks in the world who would answer "ehhh...whatever works" to the tree question.
I grew up in a live tree home. Love the smell, the hunt, the trying to make it stand straight. Hate the mess. The very first year Matt and I were together (living in sin? yes we were thankyouverymuch) we trudged off to get our tree. We got a nice one, spent an obscene amount of time cussing at it because it was crooked, finally got it 'straight enough', decorated it, went to bed. At about 2 a.m. we heard a large crash. Of course it was the tree. I threw that bitch out the window (not really- I think I took it to the dumpster) and we promptly bought a fake tree. And shock of all shocks, my live tree loving self found that I could also love a fake tree. And love it we did, for 11 yrs. It died last year. We have done a little looking this year for a new, pre-lit model. When out of the mist comes Justin's little voice... "maybe could we get a real tree? From the woods? With a trunk instead of a pole?" He had me at 'maybe'. I have been coaxing Matt all week now. I think I wore him down today. A co-worker shared a tid-bit about a tree farm about 20 min from here that promises old-fashioned family fun. Hiking into the woods and cutting it down, then tagging it and hauling it in. They also promise a lodge and hot cocoa. The Clark W. Griswold in Matt was intensely interested. So I do believe that come this Saturday late afternoon that Family Mohler will be hiking into the woods with cocoa in hand for our very first real tree with a real trunk instead of a pole. Wish us luck. If a squirrel comes flying out of it once we get it home, you'll all be the first to know.

for lack of a better post...

not that I am lacking in material to write about today. It just isn't post-able material. God help me if I actually wrote what is in my head and a certain family member reads someday. Or God help them. Enough already, right?? Sooooo...instead of a 'real post' today you can get to know the inner holiday of Amy.

Enjoy!!

Welcome to the 2006 Holiday Edition of Getting to Know Your Friends!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate? Hot chocolate (with Bailey's)

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree? Wraps them, but sometimes I wish he didn't!

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white? White

4. Do you hang mistletoe? Yep.

5. When do you put your decorations up? The weekend after Thanksgiving most of the decor goes up and the tree follows sometime later.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Those casserole potato thingys with cheese and sour cream and bacon.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Giving my mom the present I picked out especially for her at the Secret Santa shop at school. It was always something horrible that she pretended to love. Too bad it isn't PC to do Secret Santa shops at schools anymore!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I think I was 16 or 17 . OK...maybe not that old but I was one of the last Santa hold-outs. Someone at school ruined it for me

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? No, but I usually give the chiclets new jammies- does that count?

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree? White lights, tons of ornaments- most of them gaudy, red bows, and a big bow on top with ribbon streaming down. It's all very tacky-chic :)

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it? Hate, hate, hate it. Snow is only good on Christmas and maybe one other good sledding day. Then I am DONE WITH IT.

12. Can you ice skate? Not well. I wish I could though!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift? The doll house my grandpa made me.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? Being with my family

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert? I wish I only had one! Probably grandma's oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Seeing my sister's face at 4 am. She's almost 21 but she'll never grow up :)

17. What tops your tree? A big ol' bow

18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving? Giving

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song? Brenda Lee "Rockin around the Christmas Tree" It makes me dance like Will Ferrell in 'Night At The Roxbury' everytime I hear it!

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum? YUM!!! I steal one a day from the Christmas tree!

21. Favorite Christmas movie? Depends on my mood...my favorite funny one is 'Christmas Vacation'. My favorite traditional ones are 'Charlie Brown's Christmas' and 'It's a Wonderful Life'

22. What do you leave for Santa? Cookies, milk and carrots for the reindeer.

Matt channels Clark W. Griswold...

So...we put our lights up this weekend. It was an experience. Not fun in the least. Not festive. A lot like Clark Griswold in the Christmas Vacation movies. That same maniacal laughter when you've almost got it and the strand falls again. For the third time. It was at that point that I said (as sweetly as I could because I didn't want to get punched) "ummm honey...maybe we could just leave the bottom row and not have a top row? This is a little more work than I thought it would be." He growled (not an exaggeration) back at me "I'm not quitting now." Okie dokie. I'll just go in the house and mind my own beeswax. He did get it accomplished. With the help of a kind neighbor and his unbeliveably tall extension ladder. He got 'r done alright.
And it looks bee-u-ti-ful. If I do say so myself! Now if we could figure out how to put the screens back in the windows, all would be good again. We, being morons about such things, can't figure it out. I'm guessing there is an easier way to remove them and re-install them. Other than bending them in 1/2 and pushing with all your strength until they pop out. I'm thinking that isn't the way. Now we can't get them back in. Matt tried last night until one of them was nearly broken. I finally had to remove it from his hands until our brains weren't fried from holiday lighting fiascos. Otherwise I'd be buying replacement screens today.
Nope, today will be spent on decorating the inside -minus the tree- and getting the wreaths up. Then we will be completely Christmas-fied.

trade offs...

When the kids are all home sick I got the luxury of not having to rush like a crazy mama to get everyone off to their prospective schools. We can hang out in our jammies and watch cartoons and get to the other stuff whenever we get to it. The flip side of that coin, is cabin fever among the natives. I thought I was going to climb the walls yesterday. Of course everyone is feeling better now. They have been on their antibiotics and they feel like brand new chiclets. This means that they want to run and play and be free. For me that means screaming at them to stop running around the circle. They love to run around through the kitchen, dining room, and living room where there is no silly wall to stop them in their game. They chase each other around and around and scream and laugh. It is the ultimate fun. I am the ultimate fun-killer. Someone always slips on the wood floor, or their screaming makes me want to lose it. The rule is: no running. They break it. A lot. Yesterday it was more than a lot. I wanted to take them to school in the middle of the day and leave them there just to get them out of my hair for a bit. I have been with them now caged inside the walls of our house for going on 5 days. My only escape was a trip to the Dr's office and then to Target to fill prescription. Now school is out for the rest of the week for the holiday so I must find some form of escape today. God help the family member whose quiet home we choose to invade.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.........

land of the icks....

I think just last week I was going on about how my kids are hardly ever sick. I am such a pin-head. Who does that? Who brags about being disease free? Someone who wants to run 4 loads of bed sheets in one day, that's who. We spent a good part of the weekend cleaning up vomit. We meaning mostly me. Matt on the other hand had an el-primo ticket to the OSU-Michigan game. Being the good-natured and loving person I am, I grudgingly allowed him to go. While I washed the bedsheets and toasted bread and made soup. What I thought was the flu, is actually strep. I took Justin in this morning because he was complaining about his throat. Strep, indeed. Then I took Ryan in because he was among the pukers this weekend. His strep was negative but he has a raging ear infection and a throat that looks "suspicious". Not sure if that means his throat is about to commit a heinous crime or what, but we are to keep an eye on it. We meaning me, of course. So if I am absent the next few days I am preparing for turkey day and keeping a watchful eye on that suspicious looking throat of Ryan's. Leave it to him to have a suspicious anything.

EDITED TO ADD: Matt did clean up a little vomit this weekend. I am not going to listen to him howl at me for making people think he skipped out of the house while I scrubbed the mess. He was in on a little of it. Very little, but he was present.

I think I have become my mother....

poor Hannah.
You see when I was a child, my mama was a beautician. This, for me, meant that I was probably the only 4 year old with highlights and a perm. She had to practice on someone! She also could wield a brush like a lethal weapon. Because of this I have one of those heads of hair that can be pulled in 12 different directions and I can sleep through it. Dance team moms loved me. I was the only girl who didn't whine about those too-tight french braids.
Fast forward to today. Hannah has been wearing the same headband day in, day out for about 2 weeks. She loves it, so she wears it. I'm kind of sick of looking at it, so I think if I offer to do something fun and snazzy with her hair she will put away the hair band at least for a few hours. No. Not the case. She screamed and cried and it became a battle of wills that for some reason I wasn't giving up. When it was over she sobbed that her head hurt so bad....it was as if she was dying. The ponytail holder might make her brains ooze slowly out of her ears. Something of that nature. Now seriously, it was not tight. But apparently what the princess wants, the princess gets. I was seeing red so I jerked the ponytail holder out in "I'll give you something to cry about" fashion. My sister chose this time to place a phone call to me. After telling her my side of the story I realized immediately that I had become my mother. ***ACK*** I cannot tell you how many times as a small child I would think in my little head "I will never pull my daughter's hair like she pulls mine". In the end it was to my benefit since I now have hair follicles of steel. I didn't know that when I was Hannah's age. Maybe she'll thank me later??? I doubt it. She'll probably just share the horror stories with her friends. My sister reminded me of her childhood hair trauma with mom. She begged and pleaded for weeks to have bangs cut into her hair. She has naturally curly (it's beautiful. I hate her for it) hair and bangs will only look like pubes. My mom told her over and over again it was a bad idea, but Manda was unrelenting. Finally my mom decided to shut her up and cut some bangs for her. Only it must have been a PMS day for mom and Manda chose the wrong time to do battle with her. Mom cut those babies to about 1" in length. They were LOVELY. My sister has never had bangs since that day. We had a good chuckle about it today while we were reminiscing our childhood hair traumas. I know Hannah will have fun talking about 'the bad ol' days' with her friends someday too.

the awwww...so sweet factor....

so, my husband...he has his ordinary husband moments. You know- the ones that make me want to box his ears, or smack him repeatedly upside his head. He has a penis, so this is normal. He can't help it, it's just the way they are. Then he has other moments. The ones where I realize how lucky I am that his friend talked me into going out on at least one date with him. I wasn't in the mood to start with a new guy right at that moment, but I got talked into it. I'm lucky. Damn lucky that I decided to go out on that one date.
I realize it frequently, but especially on mornings like this one. He thanked me. I still am not 100% sure why he thanked me, but he did. This after he had the kids alone from last Thurs-Mon. with no complaining. That's right- no complaining. He sounded cranky at one point around day 3 on the phone but if I had been left for that long while he was say, golfing with a friend, I would have been more than cranky by day 3. I would have been an evil bitch. He just got a little cranky. And then last night when we both just wanted a quiet-ish evening, I was called off to help my mom with dogs because grandma had to go to the hospital again. Matt took Ryan with him to Justin's scout meeting so that I could get all of the dog stuff done and not have to worry about Ryan flushing a stuffed turkey down a toilet at my parent's house while I was off being otherwise occupied by feeding a dog. That may seem like a little thing, but Ryan really adds a note of quirkiness to any event he attends. He can make it hellish in no time flat. Then, my loving husband didn't whine when I realized I had left my keys in the van so he had to drive all the way back over to my parent's house to give them to me. AND HE DIDN'T BITCH, COMPLAIN, OR MOAN ONE TIME.
This is the same man who will help with the dogs anytime he is needed. Again this may seem like no big deal, but it involves scooping lots of dog shit and dealing with nastiness that the average husband would say "hell no" to. Not Matt, he does it. With minimal whining.
Also this man didn't slug me over the head even once last night when I couldn't sleep. He tried to make the dripping in the bathroom stop around 1 a.m. when I decided that might be what it was that was making me want to climb the walls. He didn't even do one of those exaggerated sighs. He just got up and got the shower to stop dripping. He really is a good guy.
On top of all of this, it is a major understatement to say that I am not an easy chic to live with. I bitch, moan, and complain on a regular basis. I have a vagina, so this is normal. I can't help it, it's just the way we are. :) Not to say he probably doesn't want to box me in the ears sometimes too. I'm sure he does. But he never has.
Instead, on days like today, he thanks me. Just for being me. Awwwww... he's so sweet!

you can't ever have too much fun...

not with Carol anyways. I have never been a birthday present before, but I was this past weekend. It was fun being a present. Although I'm thinking I shouldn't have had to make any decisions on how the weekend was going to play out. Shouldn't Carol have been the one to decide how and what she wanted her birthday present to do all weekend??? Damn. She made me make decisions all weekend!! :)
Let's see... we shopped, and ate, shopped some more, had a few cocktails, ate again, shopped some more... do you see a pattern? South Carolina has some damn fine shopping of the bargain variety. And Carol is the champion bargain hunter. Just ask her about her $11 mirror and the .37 cent serving bowl set she scored. Bitch. She is fun to shop with though.
I'm pretty sure she was happy about her surprise birthday present. She had a few moments of panic over a dirty toilet and some hairy sheets on my bed, but we remedied that before she had a stroke. Then I spent the rest of the weekend off-setting her placemats because it makes her twitch when they aren't all lined up and that makes me laugh. Aren't I just the best friend ever? I think she had fun even though I was trying make her insane and making fun of her for having OCD. Because seriously, the girl lined up the sleeve on her Starbucks cups so that the picture on the sleeve matched the picture on the cup. How can I not make fun of that?? She is more than welcome to make fun of my collection of dry erase boards when she comes up here to be my birthday present in a few months (**HINT MATT. HINT, HINT**)
End of weekend note to self...never make a Rachel Ray cocktail again. The girl has some good recipes, but pumpkin martinis ain't one of them. Other than that fiasco, all of our other cocktails were divine. Although just the thought of those pumpkin nightmares sort of makes me twitch. Did I mention how nasty they were?

it can only get better...

this morning I went over to my parent's house because my mom needed help with the dogs. She had an early morning appt. and couldn't get them all done. I let the Pointer pups out for their breakfast and potty time and as I was cleaning out their pen, I stuck my hand in a pile of dog shit that one of them had artfully hidden under a piece of newspaper. Really, it's a good thing they are cute puppies because otherwise I might just set them free near the freeway someday.
The day can only get better now, right?

do you know one??

Raise your hand if you know an adult that acts like a spoiled teenager... everyone does?? Of course you do! They are everywhere! I have to shake my head at adults that can't step away from High School. Grow up already. The day I graduated from HS, I turned away from all of that nonsense. I don't understand the point in re-living it for years and years. The cat fights in the hallways, who was on homecoming court, who made the cheerleading squad, who didn't...none of the crap matters in 'the real world' so why hang on to it?
I have a neighbor who is a total bizarro. Her daughter is a total brat and does cruel things to other kids. 2 other parents on the street have confronted her and she literally goes off like a bomb. Screaming obscenities in the street. Instead of saying anything to her daughter about being nasty to other kids or even asking her what happened like a sane person, she starts screaming about things that have nothing to do with anything. What is that teaching her daughter?? I can tell you one thing for sure. Her daughter is likely going to grow up to be one of those bitches everyone hates in HS and no one will talk to at the class reunion. That's what her mama is modeling for her. She is in 3rd grade and she is already a bitch. I hate to say that about a child, but some of the things I have seen her do with my own eyes would take your breath away.
I can't even count the number of people I have known in my adult life that leave me shaking my head in wonder at them. Concerned more about the brand of clothes their toddlers are wearing than anything else in the world. I guess that lesson never got to them in High School. I just assumed everyone learned eventually that whether you are wearing Tommy Hilfiger or Circo you can be a good person. Silly me.
I met another person this past weekend who is still flipped out over the fact that she wasn't on homecoming court. Seriously. She is going on 40 years old and still is angry at the world because she wasn't on homecoming court. She still has a grudge against people who were on court, and now their children as well. Did I say psycho already?? I wonder if she thinks the girls who did get on court still wear their sashes to work everyday? Really. WHO CARES?? No one even remembers that crap 10 years, 15 years, 20 years later. Let it go....
As I was listening to one of the neighbors talk about the latest neighborhood fight involving the 1st mom I talked about, all I could do was shake my head. My kids aren't involved in it and the crazy mom hasn't even stooped from her high horse to introduce herself to me yet, so I am hoping to never be involved in the crazy plot she lives in. Their house is for sale and all I can say is good riddance. Hopefully a sane family will buy it and move in and we can have less High School drama on the street.

i don't want to be THAT MOM...

I spent a long day on Saturday at a dance competition. If my husband was worried about me wanting to hop back into coaching and teaching dance, he need not worry a moment longer. Just a taste of the psycho moms at the competition on Sat. was all the reminder I needed for the reasons I quit doing it in the first place. One mother has a daughter who is in FOURTH GRADE. She spent the entire day hounding her about a back walkover. The poor girl was not comfortable doing it, but mom wanted it in the routine. Did I mention this mere child is in FOURTH GRADE?? I want to pull this woman aside and tell her that psycho bitches like her are the ones who have daughters who walk out on the floor to compete and freeze because of stress. Who wants to stress out their kid that much?? She was almost in tears over it. She has YEARS to perfect and perform a back walkover for the judges. These are also the kids that are oooozing talent and walk away from it when they are at the top of their game because they have had it with their parent's constant pushing. I've seen it everywhere- at soccer, football, pretty much anything sports oriented. I just know for myself, I have never coached a team that didn't have at least one of those moms. I don't have the patience to deal with them anymore. Nor do I have the ability to bite my tongue long term and not tell them they are being freakish. I would not make a good dance coach anymore :)
The beauty of it is, I will never be that mom. I have seen too much of what it does to the kids when their parents aren't standing there. When they come to me hysterical because they just can't take it anymore. I never want that for my kids. They will do what they want to do. I may do some gentle prodding, but that's it. Everyone thinks I'll flip out if Hannah doesn't dance. Nope. If she decides in a few years that she isn't having fun, then she's done. That's what it's all about to me. If she has fun with it for years like I did, then I am happy. If she wants to play soccer for the rest of her life, I'm happy too. Psycho mom, I ain't.

just say no...

I can't do it. I can't say no. People ask me to help with things and I immediately blurt out "sure! I have nothing going on that day!" Why??? Why do I do that to myself? Now I have a calendar that is so full for the next 2 months that I literally have ZERO free weekends. Some of my weekend activities are fun, some are not, either way it will be 2007 before I have a weekend with no plans. No exaggeration. In 2007 I think I have a free weekend. It probably won't happen though because someone will ask a favor of me and I'll quickly answer that I have nothing else going on that weekend before I can stop myself.
What can I say? I am one of those 'people pleasers'. Much as I hate it sometimes, it's what I am. It's good and bad. Most of my friends and family appreciate it about me. My husband probably hates it. He would give anything for a plan free weekend. Good thing he is patient. He is usually the last in line of people that I please. Poor guy. Plus his mom only let him eat 2 friggin' pieces of candy at Halloween when he was a kid. He has been underprivileged his whole life!! I did try to make up for that by sending him to work with a basket of all the good stuff. Damn if he isn't a people pleaser too. He gave it all away.

soggy Halloween...

I wish I had some cute pictures to share of my darling trick or treaters today. I don't because last night would be the all-time suckiest trick or treat night in my memory. It was 40ish degrees and raining. WOOHOO. Lovely weather. Now, the day before, it was 60 and beautiful but who am I to question Mother Nature and her fall insanity plan?
The kids still had fun and I guess that's what it's all about, right? I don't enjoy bundling up and walking door to door looking like a drowned rat, but the children were unfazed by this. Unfortunately, it wasn't good picture taking weather. I tried to snap a couple indoors but we had trick or treaters ringing the doorbell 15 min. early (talk about ignorant) so they couldn't focus on me or my camera they just wanted out the door to go beg for their own bucket o' candy.
This is the best shot I got....















Isn't that a lovely shot of the chiclets? Oh yes...straight into the scrapbook with that one. Last year I made a whole photoshow of how cute they were. This year I got one lame picture. What's a scrapper to do with that?? Oh well. We have more candy than we could eat in a lifetime and they were bouncing off the walls until 10 p.m. I nixed Matt's idea of a 2 piece of candy limit. I went with the plan my mom always used...eat candy till you feel sick. I think the kids liked my plan better. 2 pieces indeed!! Whoever heard of such a thing? I was making fun of him in front of his mom for this ridiculous plan and then found out it was actually HER plan and that's what Matt had as a rule when he was a child. Don't you feel sorry for him now?? I do.
At the end of the evening we dried off and drove over to my parent's house so they could see them in their costumes and instead of candy I got a tumbler of Bailey's with caramel on the rocks. Who needs candy? I was feeling much better about my soggy Halloween after that.