so this was THE YEAR for our family. The year where you decide the stress of trying to have a fun family-lovin' get together is neither fun nor family lovin'. This is the year that all of my "issues" came to a head and I have officially hit my personal limit. My family can continue going down the path they have chosen. Without me. I will, from now on, not participate in opening gifts around my siblings. I will stay home and enjoy my family, my kids, my husband. These are the things that bring me joy. Watching my siblings open the gifts my parents lavish them with is like pouring salt in all of my open wounds. I can't much talk about it without sounding like an ungrateful brat. My parents buy me nice things too, don't get me wrong. I appreciate all they do for me. Just in comparison...well there is no comparison. I apologize to everyone who has had to listen to me rant this week. It has been an ugly week for me. Now I have come to understand that I have to take control of my own life, my own family and not let anyone else spoil what should be a fun holiday.
I love my parents and sibs to pieces. I know that we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. I think that's pretty normal. I just have to let a lot of stuff go. Stuff that has been clouding my vision of who I am for too many years now. How I am going to do it is a mystery to me, but I gotta do it.
There...wasn't that fun? I sort of feel like Tom Cruise in Jerry McGuire. I'll just bag up my fish and go now.
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