the grind...

as a mom who stays home, like has no job, is "just a mom", occasionally i get in a funk. One of those those I-never-get-to-do-anything-for-myself-my-sole-purpose-is-to-serve-others kind of funks. It doesn't help that with my right foot being down, I haven't driven in 2 1/2 weeks (until Monday when I was forced to because I had to drive to the Dr to get a shot in my ass because I had poison ivy, but I digress) It still is painful to drive because having my foot at the angle that one needs to push the gas pedal, is just not comfy yet. But tolerable. Anyhow... yesterday I was supposed to get my haircut. I am so looking forward to this for many reasons. Most of them because my hair looks like crap right now, but also? I wanted some "me time". Selfish? Probably. But I've only been out of the house ALONE (meaning without a child attached to me) to go to weight watchers in the past 2 1/2 wks. and I really wanted to be ALONE for say, an hour. The appt. was at 7, so I just had to have a husband in place to take over my job by 6:30. And 6:30 was pushing it so I asked if he could shoot for 6:20 to give me plenty of time. No problem he says. Then he shows up at 6:40 sputtering excuses about traffic. I'm sure it was traffic involved, but being that there was no WAY I could make it there in 20 min, I had to cancel my appt. And I was not a happy mama. In fact I didn't speak (nicely) to him for the rest of the evening. Selfish? Probably. But damn. I just wanted a haircut. Now it's going to be another week or so before I can do it again. The only other thing she had in the evening this week was a 6:30 appt and let's face it, if he couldn't get home in time for a 7:00 appt odds aren't good that I'll make it there a 1/2 hr earlier.
And so...last night I was evil. And angry. And feeling like my whole purpose on this earth is to serve others and does anyone care about me?? So the children and husband steered clear of me and the black cloud hanging over my head. I went to bed early and feel marginally better about my lot in life today. I do love my "just a mom" position. I just wish I had a provision in my contract for personal time. Personal time that didn't always have to involve Dr appts. I'd like personal time that involved me ALONE for say... 1 hour. And a professional with a pair of scissors that can make me look like Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. I know I'm asking a lot.

bring it on...

so we're off with a bang. Never a dull moment 'round these parts. We spent the weekend tearing out bushes, because I am not a big evergreen bush fan. Can't say why, but I just am not a fan. So now they're gone and I have a big empty flower bed to plan. Most of it won't get done until the fall now when I can split hostas and daylilies, so I have time to look at stuff and plan. While we were tearing out bushes we came across a vine that was growing up and through 2 of the bushes. I saw it a month ago and tore some of it out. This weekend I tore the rest of it out. All the men, who were helping tear out the bushes, jumped away as if it were a deadly snake. It was just a vine. Of poison ivy. The shit doesn't scare me. **I** am not allergic to it. I tried to get out of staying at a heinous camp one summer by rolling in it to no avail. I just got really dirty, not a blister at all. I have torn it out of places my whole life, never a blister. As I mentioned earlier, I took some of it out just a month ago. Again, no blister. Because **I** am not allergic to it. Except...now apparently I am. I look like Will Smith from the movie Hitch. It isn't anywhere on me except my face. My eye is swollen, my upper lip looks like I got Angelina Jolie lip injections. Just my upper lip mind you, not the lower one. Oh Yeah. It's sexy. I went to the Dr. this afternoon and was informed it is also in my ears and throat. But...I'm not allergic!!! Why did this happen? It's this little thing called "your 30s". Never had acne? Now you do! Like a teenager! Never had allergies? Now you do! You lucky bitch! Along with these fun things you also get raging hormones that are out of control. Suh-weet! I just can't wait for peri-menopause in my 40s!!!
And so to recap the summer so far...
-sprained ligaments in the foot
-poison ivy all over the face requiring a cortisone injection

what next???

On the bright side all the kids are playing well with all the other neighboring kids and everyone seems content with the summer so far. No one has gotten too booooooooored yet.

ho hum....

really...there is so little going on i don't have much to blog about. I got poked and prodded for a fun update, but there is nothing fun here. I hurt my foot a week and 1/2 ago. Fun! It's in one of those menacing looking black boots now and everyone gasps at it and asks me what I did. Then they wait. Expecting some really cool thing I was doing when I hurt it. Well...I was walking. And then my ankle gave out and I wasn't walking anymore. There was lots of popping, cracking, tearing, etc. Now I can't walk on it. The end. Then they say, "Seriously? You were just walking?" So I ask, am I the only one who has that freak, ankle-not-working-suddenly- and-turning-underneath-me-thing? Because it happens to me all the time, but maybe I am alone. Maybe I have weak ankles? Maybe I'm just a klutz? Either way, it was a boring accident, just me being klutzy. Now I just have to wait until I can put weight on it again without screaming in agony. Because, really? I don't have time for crutches.
So there's my glowing update. Wasn't it fun?

someone remind me....

sometime mid-late July, when I am screaming about how long the summer is. Someone tap me on the shoulder. Tap me and remind me about how much I despise school mornings. Remind me that I definitely despise school mornings MORE than I despise long summer days full of angry children who hate breathing the same air as their siblings. Even those days when I hear someone say for the 1000 billionth time that day "I'm so bored!" or "This house is so boring" or "we never do anything fun" or any combination of those 3.
Because trying to get out the door and to the bus without killing one of my children is by far worse than any long, horrible summer day. Long, horrible summer days are easily fixed by a margarita or a beer, or both.

conquer this...

laundry sucks my will to live. No really. It does. There is ALWAYS laundry to be done. I have done laundry all day today. Washed it, dried it, folded it, found closet or drawer space for it. All fuh-reaking day. Now there is a small pile of laundry in the laundry room that is too small to be washed. Our drawers and closets are bursting with freshly laundered clothes. There is a serious lack of hangers. This should give me a feeling of accomplishment, right? It doesn't, because it's one of those chores that always regenerates itself in the blink of an eye. Tomorrow morning there will magically be a pile of laundry to be washed that resembles Mt. Vesuvius. Dirty clothes are like bunnies. You blink and where once there was 1 dirty sock, now there are 47. Not 48 because that would mean all the socks had matches. Not a possibility.

glowing....

i was almost embarrassed of myself last night. I was glowing, bouncing, etc. just acting like a fool. In front of people. I hit my goal at weight watchers last night. Go ahead with the applause, I'll wait :) ...................................


I thought I could remain calm and cool about it, but I acted like a 3 year old. This is something I have worked toward since I gave birth to Justin. I got really close to goal before I got pregnant with Ryan, but then after I had him, my body chose to hang on to the weight awhile. And I helped it out a little. Or a lot. But I finally got to the point this past winter where I couldn't take it anymore, so I put my foot down. And damn... it was hard. Cut out all the food I love. Cut out alcohol. Exercise more. None of this was easy. But I did it. I can now go to the Dr's office and be weighed and not wince. Also? they don't have to slide that menacing 150 lb marker across the bar before they can even start to gauge my weight. That was always a pet peeve of mine. I hate that 150 lb bar. And now I can engage in a little beer and not have it ruin a whole week for me.
I still have few pounds to get off before I am completely happy. Plus I have to make it through 6 wks of "maintenance" with weight watchers before I get my lifetime member status. But in the meantime, I can see myself in a new light. I catch glimpses of myself in store windows and doors and think I don't look 1/2 bad instead of gagging and thinking that can't be me. It's a good feeling. Even if I did make a total dork out of myself at weight watchers last night. It's all good.

update already...

for real. Not much in the way of excitement going on here. I have started and deleted at least 10 posts because, yawn, who cares???
We've just been busy with all of the stuff we're always busy with. For some reason everything on the planet gets scheduled in May & June. Not sure why that is, but ask any mom with school age kids and she'll say the same thing. This month is CRAMMED and it doesn't stop until mid-June when all the graduation parties cease to happen. I am looking forward to the lazy days of summer. Not that they will be lazy by any stretch since every neighborhood child will be at my house ('cause it's the fun house don't ya know?) but at least we won't be doing the morning rush to get ready for school.
You still with me? Told ya it's boring here. Go ahead and yawn. I'll wait....
Let's see, I got the info for my 15 yr class reunion in the mail yesterday. I know, who has a 15 yr reunion? I've been asked that every time I've mentioned it. I think it's because we had a blast at the 10 yr. No really, we did. Or maybe just I did? Whatever, they scheduled a 15 yr too. I hopped onto classmates.com to see what was up on the message board that was set up for the reunion stuff. Nothing was up, but I did find all the info on my very best friend in the world while I was growing up. I shot her an e-mail and hoped the e-mail address on classmates was right. We lived across the street from each other and were best friends all through elementary school and Junior High. She got shipped off to a private school for the first year of HS and we grew apart. Freshman year of HS is a tough time to be separated and we were doing different things with different people. Then my family moved to a new house and we just lost touch. I haven't seen her in probably 12 yrs now, but we spent last night e-mailing back and forth. She lives about 5 miles from me and we probably shop the same Target. Small world! I'm excited to get back together with her.
Other than that.... hmmm.... there's been soccer, dance, gymnastics, baseball, karate....a lot of spinning in circles and drawing straws to see who got to drag Ryan along to what. Poor Ry. Sucks to be the short straw. OH! we had Justin's root canal last week. What else???? HEY!! are you yawning?? I warned you it's been boring.
I'll post some cute dance recital pictures next week. Maybe that will liven things up around here?

to all my favorite moms out there...

in gearing up for mother's day, this one made me laugh out loud. Most of these answers sound like they came straight from my house!

Why God Made Moms

Answers given by 2nd grade school children (8 year olds) to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.


What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.


Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?
1. We're related!
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.


What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.


What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?


Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world and my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.


Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.


What's the difference between Moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic; they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.


What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

the good part...

the good part about having a to-do list as long as my arm, is the aftermath. When I cross a chunk of the items off and I feel tremendous accomplishment. Or when I get something done and can sit back and marvel at my own crafty-ness. Or someone else marvels at my crafty-ness and says to me, "you MADE this??" I will admit to a little head swelling when someone can't believe how unbelievably cool something is that I made with my own 2 hands. Or when my very good friend tells me what a huge weight I have lifted off of her shoulders by helping her with something. She's busier than I am, but would help me at a moment's notice if she could. It feels good that I can do the same for her. Even if by lifting her burden, I gave myself some burden. I think somewhere, somehow it all evens out.
I am a helper by nature. Do I allow people to use me sometimes? Yes. It's just the way I am. I've said before I don't know how to say no. But sometimes I get a really great end result feeling because I said yes, and helped out with something. I think that makes my stress level even out and makes me feel like a good person.

independence...

each of my children has gone through this stage. With Justin I was still a control freak (well more of one anyway) and I had a hard time letting him do things "by mineself". I knew it would cause a huge mess. With Hannah I loosened grip a little because she would throw a huge fit and scream unless I let her do it. Whatever. Now, that Ry is shifting into the stage I just let go of the reigns. Because, frankly? I'm tired. Does he make a mess? But of course. It's his job. So far this morning he has wanted 2,3,4 more waffles. He counts like that every time he wants more. "I want 2, 3, 4 more mama!" And it's so cute! He wants to get the waffles out of the freezer but as he's trying to get them out they crumble. Mess #1. Then he wants to put them in the toaster. He brings what is leftover to the garbage and spills 1/2 of it on the floor. Waffle pieces and syrup = mess #2. Then he brings his cup of chocolate milk to the sink. And misses. Mess # 3. But instead of freaking out, I'm just happy that he's trying to bring his dishes to the sink without being reminded 12 times like his older sibs.
Of course during the day I hear nothing but "No! **I** do it!". Well, that and the strains of the different Star Wars songs that he hums ALL DAY LONG. But all I can think about is how he has gone from baby to kid-like in a matter of a few weeks. Like putting on a pair of undies has suddenly changed his attitude. He doesn't want his Spiderman fork anymore. He wants the "big fork". I guess this means I can soon clean out the section of our silverware drawer that has housed our kid-sized forks and spoons for 7 yrs now.
It's good and bad. He's the last one to enter into the independence phase. The last one.

a new game of TAG....

janet tagged me for one i've never seen before! How exciting :)

You have to use your first initial for every category, and you can't use your own name for the boy/girl name. Got it? GO!

SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks!
Your Name: Amy
1. Famous Singer/Band: ABBA
2. 4 letter word: aqua
3. Color: apricot
4. Street: Asbury
5. Gifts/Presents: airplane ticket (not a gift I get often enough!)
6. Vehicle: Avalanche
7. Things in a Souvenir Shop: art (crap art usually, but art)
8. Boy Name: Alan
9. Girl Name: Alicia
10. Movie Title: All Dogs Go To Heaven
11. Drink: Adirondack margarita
12. Occupation: Architect
13. Flower: Amaryllis
14. Celebrity: Angelina Jolie
15. Magazine: All about Beer (just saw it on Tues and was amazed that such a magazine existed!)
16. U.S. City: Amarillo
17. Pro Sports Teams: Anaheim Angels (don't I get double points for this?)
18. Fruit: Apple
19. Reason for Being Late for Work: Alarm clock didn't go off
20. Something You Throw Away: ads (from the newspaper? I'm reaching)
21. Things You Shout: Asshole!!
22. Cartoon Character: Ariel (Little Mermaid- does that count???)

That was HARD!!! I don't know how people did stuff like this before Google existed.

I'm tagging Jen (who can't use Janet's blog answers!!) and Elle who hasn't updated her blog since it was snowing. GO!

control freak...

a list of things i wish i had some control over....

- weather - rain in particular right now

- my daughter's room

- my youngest son's clothing choice

- my oldest son's tonsils

- laundry

- my neighbors. they think they are still in high school and it is irritating

- the money tree in the backyard

- the price of airfare

- the price of fuel

- the price of tea in China (not really but it sounded good right there)

- my brother's college choice

- the amount of fat & calories in my favorite foods

I could go on forever. I think I have control issues today.

there's never enough...

it's a bad attitude to live with. I'm slowly trying to change, but it's hard. Matt and I wasted 1/2 hour of our lives last night talking about what kind of hardwood floors we want and where we want to go with it. It's laughable and a total waste of time because unless the damn money tree starts blooming soon (I think the Spring frost killed the damn thing AGAIN) it'll be years before we can put hardwood anywhere. And, I think, I'm OK with it. There will always be things we want to do to the house. Vacations we want to go on. Things we want to buy. Because what we have is never enough. Except? It is right now. I am content in life. I have the house I have always wanted to have. I have a husband who makes me laugh and who laughs at me. I have kids who other people think are cute & actually want to have over to visit (they don't know the REAL Hannah). All that AND a front loading washer and dryer!!
Would I love to be vacationing on the beach with my toes in the sand this summer? Hell yes! Will I be happy with vacationing at my sister in law's lake house? Indeed! It'll be fun and ridiculously cheap.
It's all about attitude. I can spend my days thinking about everything I want or reveling in all I have. Because...seriously? I am a lucky, lucky girl. I'm going to revel in what I have and be thankful for my blessings. After that, I'm going to fold laundry :)

new people...

a house sold on our street about 6 doors down from us. It is my sincere hope that they have a boy about Ryan's age and that they are normal and fun people. Is that too much to ask? I feel sort of bad for Ry. He had built in buddies in Michigan. He often sits and looks at our photo album (not yet scrapbooked- like I have time for that!) and points at Wooke (Luke) and Josh. He remembers them and can't figure out why after seeing them many times during the week before, now we got months without getting to play with them. Everyone else got new friends their age when we moved onto this street. Sadly, there is no one Ry's age. He really needs a friend. I know next fall, when he starts preschool, he'll find one. There is still a loooong summer stretching out before us until then, so if it wouldn't be too much to ask I'd love for the new neighbors to have a 3-ish year old boy. I'm sort of stalking the house in hopes of seeing things going from the truck and into the house that scream toddler boy, but so far no dice. I'm not losing hope yet.
Maybe if I hope hard enough I can make it happen.

the many faces of my gut...

i have mommy gut. In more ways than the obvious one. It used to be a fat gut. Now it is less fat but is more like a blob of wrinkly skin. Go ahead. Click the x and move on now if you are gagging over the thought of my blobby, wrinkly, mommy gut. I forgive you. It grosses me smack out too. But, I figure gross, blobby, & wrinkly is better than what it used to be which is full-o-fat.
What else is mommy gut? It's that instinct that you get the moment a child emerges from said gut. When you just know something isn't right. Woman's intuition ain't got nothin' on mommy gut. My gut has screamed at me the last 2 times I have been at the pediatrician's office and a few times before that it was speaking loudly. I ignored it before, today I am not. I am divorcing my pediatrician. It's a scary thought for me. I don't know why. It isn't like a have a long-standing relationship with her, but it's still hard to pack up, grab your medical records, and move on. She is somewhat of a flake and I have been forgiving for a long time, because flaky doesn't necessarily equal a crap doctor. Today she crossed the line between flake and flat out ignorant and even crossed the lazy doctor threshold a little. Ignorant and lazy is a no-can-do for me. Not where the chiclets are concerned. I drove home listening to my gut scream obscenities about going to the gym and doing some crunches already, but not before you switch pediatricians, you ignorant woman! Gotta listen when the gut starts in with the obscenities.
I should have listened 2 visits ago, when it rose from a dull roar to a scream. Next time, I'll know. Listen to the mommy gut already! It isn't pretty, but it's smart. Isn't that the way of the world?

seven days...

so, the day after his birthday, Ryan decided it was "time". He picked out a pair of Star Wars underwear without being prompted. I picked my jaw up off of the ground and went with it. Mine is not to question. It has now officially been 7 whole days since I changed a diaper. Can you feel the glee?? It's been more then 7 years since I could say that I haven't changed a diaper in a week- except while on vacation. In my real, every day world this is new and a source of utter joy. He has had very few accidents- maybe 3 or 4 over the week. And the best thing???? The poop was never an issue. My other 2 were totally freaked over the concept of #2 in the potty. Ryan, on the other hand, takes pride in the size of it. He doesn't just poop, he poops big! Men! I do distinctly remember Justin coming to me and making me look at the "snake" he made in the potty once. Aren't boys fun?
So, in our household we are making grocery lists that don't include Pampers. And we are skipping about it! I don't have to be a slave to the diaper bag anymore!!!
OH- and you're welcome for this daily dose of poop talk :)

my cup runneth over...

i have entirely too much shit to do. I have a serious problem saying no and it is getting me in trouble. Not so much in trouble, but it is causing me stress, angst, panic. All those fun things that make me lose my temper faster and feel like an ass for yelling at my kids for no good reason. I am in snap mode today. I hate that feeling.
Now, on top of all the fun & crafty projects I have been delegated recently, I have to figure out how to NOT help my son and husband bake a fun cake for Tiger Scouts next week. It has to be done on Fri evening. Thurs nights are packed with stuff already so when does it get baked? Decorated? No one knows when it will happen. But I am NOT ALLOWED to help. It's a father/son project. What it really is, is a project to make me twitch because it's NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY. Matt's going to take care of it. M-kay. Just not sure how or when it's going to get done, but again, not my problem. I just have to clean the mess up.
Did I mention I'm stressed? Or that I am ready to snap?
Anyone else have any crafty projects that only I am capable of doing? Bring em' on!!! I have nothing better to do!!

thoughts on my baby turning 3...

it's funny to me that I still think of him as 'my baby'. I wonder if this will still be true when he is 17 and hairy. I think back to potty training Justin at this exact same age and in my head, Ryan just seems so much younger. Except that he isn't. Weird. He is less of a baby every day. He's always been an opinionated little dude. Now he just lets you know that it's his way or the highway. No exceptions. He won't be as easy to potty train as Justin and Hannah were. They just accepted it to be fact that it was "time" and there were "no more diapers". Ryan says to me, "not yet" and "go buy more diapers, you cheap bastard" OK. He didn't actually call me a cheap bastard but it was implied in his tone. I think he knows I'm tired of purchasing Pampers. I'm certain he knows I'm tired of changing his poopy diapers, but it's my concern not his. And why should he want to take over wiping his own butt when it is clearly not an enjoyable task for me? Makes sense when you think of it from his perspective. He's obviously extremely intelligent.

Happy Birthday to my little dude. Thanks for being just who you are. You make me smile and cringe every day and I wouldn't want it any other way!

dear mother nature...

normally, i am not one to bitch about the weather. HA!! I can't even say that with a straight face. I bitch ENDLESSLY about the weather. However, Mother Nature, I feel that since you too are a mother you should see that what you have done here is just wrong on so many levels. My children just endured a week of spring break where there was only a glimpse of spring. You tease us into wearing shorts and bearing legs that are so pale white they may be deemed "clear", then you blast us with winter again. Why? Why do you do this to us? Is it some deal you have with the winter dudes that you have to get so many inches in before it's over? If that's the case, can you see to it that next year it is a lower number of inches? Or, is it that you think we'll miss the snow? Because seriously? That's going to be a no for me. Even living in Arizona didn't make me miss snow. I certainly won't miss it for the few short months that it goes away here in Ohio.
You gave me trees full of blossoms on Mon. that were dead on Wed. Why???? Don't you want it to be pretty? I don't CARE that it makes me husband sneeze. It's so pretty!
In short, Mother Nature, my children will hunt for Easter eggs tomorrow in their winter coats. Enough is enough. Let us have spring before I start feeling the need to get ugly on you. Ask Matt, you don't want me to get ugly.

to anyone worried about justin's well-being...

he is alive and well and currently playing mario kart on his nintendo....