WTF

you'll have to excuse me while I have a day of mourning for my beloved Buckeyes who were regrettably absent for last night's National Championship game. Word on the street is the ACTUAL team was lost in an oscure airport in Mexico, so they fielded a team of high school freshman in their place.

it's january....

no really. It is! I know it's 59-ish and rainy and if you're like me, that just screams April, but seriously, it's January. Never in my memory have I seen this winter. We haven't had snow yet. Nothing that stuck anyways. I'm not complaining- don't get me wrong. I'm all about this new improved winter we have been handed thus far. We are traipsing up North to good ol' MI in about a week, so I'm sure we'll be buried that weekend. And we'll still have to go because devastation does not touch upon what my children would feel if we had to cancel that trip. They are DYING to see their old buddies up north. Actually, so am I. I am craving time surrounded by people who float in the same boat I do. I miss my gang. It's like sliding into an old comfortable pair of jeans, because we just are who we are and we love each other for it. So damn the snow mounds (if they are indeed coming) off to MI we go.
Today it is raining and raining and raining. I was all blah and miserable about it, but I cheered myself right up by blasting U2 from the ipod on my sparkly new Bose speakers. It's almost as good as live, but not quite because no Bono...and he is so...yum... But it sounds pretty damn good. U2 has an amazing way of cheering me up. Even on rainy, spring, January days.

thoughts on pinewood derby....

there are things in child-rearing that i come across that make me insane. Some things I am mentally prepared for, others...not so much. One of the things I am mentally prepared for is watching my child lose at things because the kid who won has parents who do projects for them. You know the ones who come up with atomic bombs for the 4th grade science fair? That is one of those things that makes me bonkers. What exactly is it that you are teaching your child when you do a project start to finish while they watch? How smart their mommy/daddy is?
So, this year in tiger scouts we are being introduced to pinewood derby. Anyone in scouts knows what it is, for those who don't, the kids are building a car out of a block of wood and racing them to see who can make the fastest car. Matt spent the better part of yesterday researching how to (legally) make Justin's car fast. I had to politely remind him that this is (ahem) not his car, it is Justin's car. Justin has already chosen his body style, color, etc. No matter how much Matt wants a different style, he must be reminded it is no longer his turn to make a car. He already had his time in pinewood derby spotlights. So pretty much I have been forcing Matt to let Justin do his own thing. Matt cut the car out for him and will assist him if it's dangerous, otherwise he is to keep his mouth duct taped shut. Because of this, I know we will arrive with our lime green car with painted on fire that is not sanded to perfection and look around to see cars that look like they were designed at GM or Ford laboratories and know that the scout involved with the making of that car did little more than play his gameboy while his dad did all the work. And that pisses me off. But what can you do? Other than know it will be a lesson for Justin, that sometimes that's just the way it goes. Might as well prepare him for the upcoming years of science fair hell, yes?
It is my supreme hope that Justin gets a thrill out of just watching his car roll down the track and that he won't care yet that he doesn't win. Not that I think he won't, but I'm guessing not all of the moms made their husband throw away the plans for uber-aerodynamic models that they pulled off of the internet.

this year i resolve...

not to make resolutions. Because, I figure, why bother? I resolve to do the same shit every year and I pretty much end up in the same place. OK...not totally true. Last year I wanted to lose weight. And I did. 30 lbs. and I managed to keep 25 of it off. I think. I haven't gotten on the scale since before New Year's Eve and, good GOD, my mom made the most fabulous ribs on the planet. Made myself sick eating them. Yes indeed. Where was I? OH YEAH! Weight loss...blah blah blah. 20 more lbs this year yadda, yadda, yadda.
I'd love to resolve to stop cursing in front of my children. Especially since last week when Ryan spilled a full glass of chocolate milk all over the floor, without skipping a beat Hannah says "what the hell?" I had to do a double take to see if it was me or her speaking. OOPS. At least she isn't dropping the F bomb. Yet. So like I said, I'd like to curse less in front of my kids. Really I would. But I think I resolved to do that last year too and that brings me back to where this story started.
So this year I resolve to not make resolutions. I think that way next year at this time I can say I was successful.
Happy New Year to all. Don't forget to write 2007 now.

all crazy things must come to an end...

Christmas has come and gone for yet another year. I love the holiday. It is by far my favorite, but it sure does zap your energy and patience towards the end. I had to keep remind myself to slow down yesterday. Take a breath and enjoy everyone and the zany things they do. Try to not growl when Hannah ask me to open yet another Barbie box. Why do they attach Barbies into the boxes with 40 twist ties? And they sew their hair to the box?? Huh?? Just, why? I was so tired of opening them by the end of the day. But then I watch her take their little shoes off (to be sucked up by the vacuum later this week-stay tuned) and play with their hair and change their clothes. She is in little girl heaven. Justin is in little boy heaven too, but he is so absorbed in video games, I have a hard time actually seeing the joy first hand. I think Matt gets Justin's joy more then I do. Ry is just funny playing with his stuff. And everyone else's stuff. We were cracking up watching him play last night. He goes from painting his face with Hannah's new makeup kit, to running around with a light saber and a Darth Vader helmet on. It's this stuff I have to take in and enjoy. Soon enough they'll be opening boxes with boring stuff like clothes.
Hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas! Twist tied toys and all.

enough with the list already...

so why bother making a list? I crossed off so very little and just added more to it. Blah.
In my defense, I did get the bathrooms clean and got a mountain of laundry clean. Of course now I have to put a mountain of clothes away and flip out every time someone uses a toilet. I quietly pondered making them use the great outdoors instead of dirtying my clean potties, but that might have gotten a little weird with the neighbors and the public park behind us and all. But I digress...in the end, I am allowing my family to carefully pee in toilets and begging them not to make me clean them again until Christmas is long over. Or at least Dec 26th.
Added to my list are small gifts for the neighborhood children. Apparently we were exchanging them?? No one told me. Silly me, I assumed that the children's gift swap at the neighborhood party served this purpose. Guess not. Either way, I am shopping the dollar store for them because I refuse to drop a ton of cash on it. Go ahead, call me scrooge.
I also added a couple of other things that I have already forgotten because I am refusing to write shit down this week. I'll remember later and freak out all over again. It's all good.
None of it matters because tomorrow I am entering the 7th level of hell. I must do all of my Christmas shopping with all of the other last minute shoppers. In my head, I think that finding a parking spot will send me into mad screaming fits, let alone actually entering stores and standing in lines. Just thinking about it makes my head spin. My answer to all of this is to force my husband to stop in the middle of the day and take me to my current favorite food spot so I can eat some good grub :) My other answer to the mess is to shrug my shoulders and just go with it. If we can't find everything on the list, we'll find something else. To quote Tom Cruise before he became a raging, couch jumping, cradle robbing, know-it-all jackass, "sometimes you just have to say, what the fuck". I think I'll be saying it a lot tomorrow. My sister is watching the kids for us so I won't be saying it in front of them. I am thanking God for my sister and her willingness to stay with them. Dragging the 3 of them around with us tomorrow would mean adding another stop or 5 to the liquor store.
Dear Santa: all I want for Christmas is sanity.

this list that never ends...

Amy's to-do...

1. make teacher cards. have son sign cards and remind him 14 times to actually deliver cards today at school.

2. bake, bake, and bake some more. I have had one batch of cookies so far turn out good, the rest have been horrible.

3. go to grocery and find cookies that look homemade to pass off to Santa.

4. go to liquor store.

5. pick up ornaments that have fallen off (or been knocked off) of the tree AGAIN.

6. purchase almost all of our gifts. i still have 4 days, right? **twitch** **twitch**

7. go to liquor store.

8. wrap all of the *&^% -ing gifts.

9. threaten to call Santa's cell phone (shut up, it is 2006- you know he has one now!) for the 137th time this month.

10. build a robo-mom to clean my house.

11. realize robo-mom needs the same damn batteries that everything else in this house needs that WE DON'T HAVE.

12. throw robo-mom in the yard.

13. go to liquor store.

14. clean house and threaten children with bodily harm and a call to Santa's cell if they touch anything or pee even a drop outside of the toilet. (Matt this goes for you too)

15. go to grocery for the 20th time this week.

16. go to liquor store.

17. Pick up ornaments that have fallen off the tree AGAIN. Throw ornaments and tree out in the yard with robo-mom.

i want it all....

there is a very, very fine line that most kids are walking this time of year. My six year old is falling off to one side right now. It's that line between being a greedy rat bastard and just being a normal kid who wants a lot of cool stuff. I like to think he is more on the normal kid side, but all I have heard for days is what he wants. My kids do not lack much. I hate to call them spoiled, but they have a lot of stuff. This boy of mine, whined at the neighborhood Christmas party because the Transformer he got in the gift exchange was a small one, not a big one. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment at his behavior. I know that kids are prone to bratty nature at this time of year, but I feel like by ignoring it and calling it "just being a kid" it makes it seem like that is OK to me. It is not. I lectured him when we got home and then again yesterday we talked about the spirit of the season, and how good it makes you feel to do for others instead of concentrating on making a list in your head of all the stuff you want to have.
I don't think most of it penetrated his head. He just nodded at me and then went back to whatever he was doing. Am I being a nag? Probably. I ended our little discussion last night by telling him if he dared look around on Christmas day after opening his pile-o-presents and say "is that it?" (isn't that every mother's nightmare?? Tell me it is, and it's not just me) I was going to pack up all of his gifts and take them to a child who deserved them. That struck a little fear into his face.
On another Christmas-y note, I now have a prominent twitch in my left eye. Love that. I'm thinking that's a sure sign of stress and I can't fix it until Friday. That, my friends, makes me want to twitch more.

because apparently I need to be told more than once...

more than 4 glasses of wine = hellacious hangover

and why do I never remember to pop 2 advil before going to sleep (passing out in this case) ??

On the bright side, I was so drunk, I didn't even notice my screaming feet. Problem solved!

pretend these shoes don't make your feet bleed...

we have an evening out tonight. Matt's sister is keeping the kids, we are going to Cincy (2 hrs South), and have a hotel for a whole night. You'd think I'd be jumping for joy, correct? I wish I was, but I despise gatherings like this. Matt's company Christmas party. Just the thought makes me want to scream and run around in circles. I'm good in groups where I know 2 or 3 people, but in a group where I don't know anyone but Matt, and he knows everyone? Yikes. I'm going to be introduced to 40 or so people tonight and not remember more than 3 of their names. Sounds fun, yes? Blah. Plus I have to dress up. This also makes me want to scream and run around in circles. I won't be able to do that though, because I'll have shoes on that are so uncomfortable they make my feet beg me to remove them. But they're so pretty!!

kick ass cookies and a game of tag...

i must pat myself on the back. I finished teacher gifts today. Divine mint chocolate covered pretzels. Then because I have to take cookies to Hannah's class tomorrow and because I love them, I made oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Only I don't really have a good recipe for them because I have two people who make them for me because they know I love them SO VERY MUCH. I wanted to find a good one so I shopped food network's website and came across one that looked good. It's not good, it is kick ass good! They are yummy beyond all reason.

Then I got tagged by Janet, so tag I'm it...here's a game of ABC tag...

A - Available or single: None of the above. Married for 11 1/2 yrs.
B - Best friend: I'm so lucky! I have 2! Kelley & Carol
C- Cake or pie: Cake...I love cake... and pie...wonder why my ass is so big??
D - Drink of choice: Chocolate martinis or Diet Mt Dew if I'm not being an alcoholic
E - Essential item you use everyday: My coffee pot
F - Favorite color: Periwinkle
G- Gummy bears or worms: GAGGING. I hate gummy anything.
H- Hometown: Columbus, Ohio
I - Indulgence: Cheryl's Cookies
J - January or February: January - 'cause it's my birthday month!
K - Kids & names: Justin (6), Hannah (5), Ryan (2)
L - Life is incomplete without? laughter
M - Marriage date: June 24, 1995
N - Number of siblings: 3
O - Oranges or apples: apples. oranges are too much damn work.
P - Phobias or fears: Sharks & being locked in a small enclosed space
Q - Fave quote: I could be the walrus, I'd still have to bum rides. (Ferris Bueller)
R - Reason to smile: Ryan singing 'Jingle Bells'
S - Season: Fall
T - Tag 3 or 4 people: Jenn P, Carol, Elle
U - Unknown fact about me: I can do the splits 3 ways.
V- Vegetable you don't like: Cooked spinach
W - Worst habit: excessive bitching
X - Xrays: ?? probably 10-ish??
Y - Your fave food: Mexican
Z - Zodiac sign: Capricorn (that's me- the goat!)

gone but never forgotten...

the world lost a really cool lady this week. I was lucky to call her my grandma. She had a rough couple of months at the end, but the majority of her life rocked. She was a nurse. Not just any nurse, a nurse who went into the army during World War II. She went all over Europe. She had fabulous stories about going on rides in stolen jeeps, hoping on airplanes for quickie trips to Casablanca, having people take pictures of her that would turn her parents hair grey. She was fun like that. She also had stories about following the soldiers in to liberate concentration camps. Every time I sat down with her she told me a story. Lots of times you would get the same story over and over. Like when she was so mad at my dad she jerked him into the house so fast she doesn't remember opening the screen door. She thinks she pulled him smack through it. Or the one she always told my sister about the cool bar she was at in Boston (my sister goes to Boston University) that rotated around in a circle once an hour. Only they didn't know it rotated so they thought they were a little punch drunk :) This happened the night before she shipped out for Europe. Most of the cool stories she told were about things that happened in her 20s. You could only wish to live as full of a life by the time you were in your mid- 20s.
Once she came home from the war, she started a family and continued nursing. She was a nurse at Children's Hospital for 30+ years. She worked some of the floors that most nurses say it takes a special kind of person to work. She was a special kind of person. When I had my tonsils out, I don't remember much more than vomiting for 4 days straight and her bringing me Garfield comic books to cheer me up. She made sure my nurses knew she was my grandma so that I got VIP status. But mostly it was the Garfield books. We both loved him.
I spent what was her last day at the hospital for 8 hours. I sat with her and if she woke up, I rubbed her arm or stroked her hair until she fell back to sleep. She wasn't aware enough to even know I was there, but I talked to her anyways. Sort of a little closure for me I guess. I didn't know it was her last day, but I knew it was coming.
Today was her funeral. She got a full military honor, 21 guns and all. She'd have loved that. It would have been even more exciting to her because one of the soldiers who folded up her flag was a woman. She was buried in her sweats because it's what she would've wanted. She'd have said she didn't want to wear panty hose through the pearly gates. We also made sure that on her feet, she was sporting her new pair of crocs. She is showing them to everyone in heaven right this minute I'm sure. She had to have them when she saw that all the nurses were wearing them. Everyone knows that nurses have the most comfortable shoes. It was one of the things she kept asking for in the hospital when she was all but delirious. She wanted those shoes!
I'm sad that she is gone. Sad that my kids aren't old enough to remember her stories and that they'll have to hear them second-hand from all of us. I cried when they played 'Taps' for her, but wanted to smile through my tears because if she'd been able, she'd have asked them to play 'boogie-woogie bugle boy' instead. That's just the kind of girl she was.
We're really going to miss her.

door is in...

the door is installed. I can't say much more about the wicked ordeal except that it's backwards and that is a bigger deal than you might think, and I hope that the prick who sold us this house is wallowing in nightmares in his new house. I truly believe he knew this door was going to be a major ordeal and that he bought the wrong thing and that it was going to cost a fortune in time and money to install. I don't care if the neighbors say he's the nicest guy on the planet and would never have left us the bad door if he had known. BULLSHIT. If he knew it wasn't going to be a total pain in the ass, why didn't HE install it? Why would he let his family sit in the lovely room with the drafty door last winter? Did they like having snow inside and out? I'm guessing not. I'm guessing he knew all of the above things and lied his ever-loving ass off to us to get us to accept the broken door when we bought the house. Lesson learned in the Mohler family. Once again it was a lesson learned with a brick to the head like most of our lessons are.
***siiiiigh*** at least the wind and snow are outside, not inside. I can be positive, right???
I do soooo hope that our friends who sold us this house are not planning to attend the annual street wide Christmas party next weekend. I'm not sure I'll be able to be pleasant.

grumbling...AGAIN...

so of course the door didn't get done yesterday. Why would it just because they said it would? It was too windy. Really??!!?? I hadn't noticed since the wind comes RIGHT INTO my jacked up sliding door. It was like 5 degrees (slight exaggeration, but only slight) in that room yesterday. The guy fixing our door said he'd come out today because it looks like it's supposed to be warmer. It is supposed to be a full 5 degrees warmer today. Less windy, so I will give him that.
If it doesn't get done today I will be going all-out-crazed-postal. Which may work out to my benefit since I have been asking my husband to pick up stamps for 2 days so I can mail these cards. He has yet to do it.

Edited later to add: Door guy called an hour ago and said they'd be here in a 1/2 hour. I am waiting as patiently as I can. Hopefully this means he is actually coming. Which doesn't necessarily mean it will get done, but I gotta look on the bright-ish side. AND darling Matt went and got stamps this morning before work. Because he is tired of listening to me bitch.

bah humbug...

i am crabby today. Not sure why, I just am. I'm trying to put my finger on the crab-factor and figure out why I am feeling it today. I think it's because the guys are supposed to be coming to fix the sliding glass door this afternoon. I am afraid to hope that they will actually show up and said door will actually be fixed today. I stood at the door today watching the dogs play in the snow and the draft coming in is obnoxious. You can't sit in that room- our family room where we do most of our sitting FYI- and be comfortable if it is the least bit cold or windy. It was supposed to be fixed in August and now it's December. Needless to say, I think the crank that is hanging over me today comes from the fear that they will not show up and it will once again not get fixed.
I think that's it. That's why I am a little crabby today.

ouchie...my hand...

the Christmas cards arrived today in the mail. Rather than put off that Christmas project like all (and I do mean ALL) of my Christmas to-dos I went ahead and addressed them. 2.5 hours later they are all addressed and my hand is permanently cramped into a pen gripping form. Within the next few days, 50+ of my friends and family will be rolling their eyes at yet another happy, smiling picture of my chiclets. I used to personalize each card with a cute and happy message. Then I got pregnant with my third child and got a clue. I do not have time for zippy messages. I barely have time to get cards in the mail. So be happy with the pre-printed heartfelt message :) It's the best I got!
Today for your entertainment I offer the picture rejects from our card picture taking session. I've said it before and will say it again. Trying to get 3 children to look in the same general direction and smile without looking like a troop of complete dorkuses (or is the plural dorkusi??) is much like trying to herd cats.

...You can almost hear Ryan saying 'CHEESE!' in this one

...Here we lose Ryan's focus

...No Hannah look at mommy!

...Less tooth Hannah. Justin, don't strangle your brother. Ryan, SIT UP!!!

in the land of make believe...

that's where I currently reside. In this land there are no deadlines or toilets to clean. You want to live there with me, don't you?
I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that Christmas is in like, 5 minutes. I know I have a little more time than that, but barely. I have an obscene amount of shopping to do and a limited budget to do it with. In the land of make believe I don't need money. Just my winning personality and toothy (metal covered) grin. I wish I could stay in make believe a while longer, but eventually I am going to have to step away from the bottle of Bailey's and come to reality once again.
**sigh**

as promised...

All twinkle-y and everything! Although now that Carol pointed out how wrong it is not to have a shiny star at the top...sigh. I have always loved my bow so maybe it's my imagination but is the top lacking??? Is it not twinkle-y enough?
I absolutely love having all of my Chrismas up and lit. Having the fireplace this year is a bonus. I had the fire going last night and it was awesome. There is just something peaceful about it all. Were it not for the drafty sliding glass door I would've stayed there all night! However now that it is frigid, the sliding glass door that doesn't work is a nuisance. A nuisance that will be remedied as of Thurs this week if all the stars align. I don't want to count my chickens yet because this is the 3rd time now I have thought it would certainly be fixed. I am hoping for the proverbial Christmas miracle. Maybe THIS time it will be fixable. So I can sit in my living room without a down quilt covering me. That would be ever so nice!

100% squirrel free...

the deed is done. We hiked into the wilderness (okay, not really. We drove to the farm and then were bussed into the woods) and picked us out a fine and dandy tree. Matt cut it down while I corraled the kids so we didn't lose them in the trees, and then we hauled it back and sipped cocoa while they bailed it. It was a perfect experience. It was extra fun being one of the families driving down the road with a tree strapped to the roof of the van. We got into in the house, stood it up and it is perfect floor to ceiling. If it had been a 1/2 inch taller, it would been too big.
It is all sparkly and decorated as of today. I promise a picture of the finished product tomorrow. It'll be a way prettier night time shot, and I'm a geek that way.

*Clark a.k.a Matt gives my tree choice a once over

it's december! it's december!!

Did you know?? Did ya??? The chiclets get a huge kick out of the advent calendar. We get to do a pocket today!!! YIPPEE!! They fist fight over who gets to do the first pocket (Justin won since he's the oldest) (and because he lets the dogs out for me once a day and that is-apparently- torture)
I sewed like a mad-woman to get that calendar finished in time for Christmas a couple of years ago, so it does my heart good to see them love it so. It also does my heart good when people see it for the first time and gush over it and ask me where I bought it. And then stare in shock and disbelief because ***gasp*** you made that?? I can be crafty! I think this year I might get some little chocolates for each pocket so that when they put the item for that day in, they can also take a tasty treat out. Plus...hello?? Chocolate? In the morning? I am bound to score good mama points with the chiclets for that! I wish I had thought of it before today. I suppose they'll forgive me for starting a day late!
Happy December to all :)