Domestic goddess...yes indeed...

I'm not sure why it is that the term "housewife" makes me cringe. In the technical sense, that's what I am. But when someone calls me a "housewife" I just conjure up images of a frumpy woman in slippers and a robe with those pink spongy curlers in her hair. I may be frumpy sometimes, but I can at least throw on a pair of sweats everyday. And those curlers? Not since I was in elementary school thankyouverymuch. I impressed my grandmother with my homemade pumpkin butter and canning skills this weekend. She said at some point yesterday that I have turned into a good housewife. I *think* this was a compliment, but it was said in a way that made me think that she figured I would amount to nothing, so at least I can mop a floor with the best of them. She also said I should hang on to Matt because I'd never find someone as good as him. I know that to be fact, but again it was said in a way that screamed (to me at least) that I barely deserved him , so I better keep mopping the floor and keep him happy. I know old folks say rude things. They think they have earned the right to say whatever, in front of whoever (or is it whomever?). At least my grandma has. Sometimes it is downright funny. Sometimes it makes you want to crawl in a hole and die. Recently it seems to always happen at a holiday gathering and it makes me want to cry. She always seems to strike a nerve with me and make me feel like all these years she has thought I would end up a loser. I can't help but wonder why. I was always a pretty good kid. I made good grades, I went to college. I didn't finish, but I went on to a respectable career. Bless her heart, she has no idea that what she is saying is hurtful. She was a nurse in the army during WW II and then for many years at Children's Hospital. She can tell stories that make your toes curl. Over and over, we get to hear those stories :) I know that she thinks I done good, but it just seems it's not good enough. Maybe if I had become a nurse...
Anyways, apparently I make a damn fine housewife. Though if you don't mind, I'd prefer to be referred to as the domestic goddess that I am.

Edited later to add: While I was making lunch for the chiclets today (using all my mad housewifey skills to whip up PB & J) it occurred to me that possibly the reason she says I make a good housewife with a note of disdain in her voice is because she would've rather been strung up by her toes, than be a stay at home mom. She loved her work and needed it. I can totally get that. Not everyone wants to do this job- I don't even want to sometimes! That was a lightbulb moment for me.

When I am old...

I hope I am healthy

I hope I am active

I hope my brain still works as well is it does now

I hope my kids will sit with me when I am not well

I hope I don't say mean things about people as though they can't hear me when they most certainly can

I hope I am surrounded by love

I love the 80's....

No really, I do. Nothing made me happier than to hear that some of the 80's styles were coming back. I remember fondly my 80's clothes (most of them). Baggy jeans, 10 button shirts (layers and layers of them), big chunky sweaters, Eastland shoes...I could go on for days...
I just wish the fashion police would check with me before they pick what they are bringing back. I'm scared. No really, I just gave up my last pair of what I'm sure my sister would roll her eyes at and call "mom jeans" for a cool pair of straight leg jeans that were "in" last year I'm sure of it. Now I'm watching the Today show this morning and they got a 'hot styles for less' segment on. What do mine eyes see? Leggings. Hello?? Fashion police?? I'm going to be your latest victim. Ain't no WAY I'm am going to stuff my thighs into leggings EVER AGAIN. I can just see it now. Me, thinking I am all cool in my leggings, walking down the street. All the people behind me wondering if that's cottage cheese on my thighs or if I have just been sitting in gravel. Why didn't they bring baggy jeans back? I still know how to peg them! Does that count for nothing???? Instead they bring back skinny jeans. I cannot wear skinny jeans, for I am not skinny. I can still do kick ass big hair if need be. Maybe that will save me from the fashion police paddy wagon? Doubtful.

The impossible to-do list...

I have this to-do list. It is, oh say, as long as my arm. I have written down all the stuff I want to accomplish today and tomorrow morning. It is completely impossible as it stands right now to get it all done and, like a complete moron, I keep adding stuff to it. A bunch of family is coming over tomorrow afternoon for Hannah's birthday. A few of whom have not seen the house yet. So, I want it spit shined. Totally needless, since most of them will likely not be looking for dust with white gloves on. Yet, I must trudge through the motions of cleaning it up as if they might. We have 2 soccer games tomorrow morning and it is supposed to be frozen tundra here in the a.m hours. Should be a blast! Especially when I'll barely be able to think about anything but my to-do list that is left un-done.
I get a little sick pleasure out of crossing stuff off the list though, so I must make one. So much pleasure that after I cleaned the fish tank this morning (which is, by the way, thriving with our store-bought water) I realized I had forgotten to actually put it on the list. So I wrote it on there, just so I could cross it off. How ignorant is that????
Happy Friday to all. I'm off to do my to-dos

At least you have your legs...

I am the first to admit that I whine. A lot. Too much. Give me a topic and I can find a way to whine about it. Yesterday I was in a "woe is me" state of mind when it occured to me that I have a pretty damn good life. So maybe (and this is a BIG MAYBE- big like my ass if that helps you gain frame of reference) if I focused on the positive instead of the negative, I'd feel a little better. I know. It doesn't take an afternoon of watching Dr. Phil to figure that out. Anyone can tell me the same thing. So why, oh why, do I not do that? Not sure. Maybe because it easy to count up all the bad stuff? Well, brainiac, how hard is it to count up the good stuff? Not so hard. So here I go:

1. a great husband who makes me laugh. He also makes me roll my eyes at his ability to pull ignorant, who gives a shit, facts out of the air at any given moment. Wait..this was supposed to be positive...that one may at first sound bad, but it might serve a purpose someday, for him to be able to tell me that running in a zig-zag pattern will confuse an alligator and give me time to get away from it. See you're rolling your eyes aren't you? OK...most of the time he's funny and he loves me, so he gets the #1 spot. I am not easy to love.

2. 3 healthy & happy kids. They are blessings. They are also total pains in the arse sometimes, but I love them like nobody's bidness. They are now and will forever be my babies.

3. a house. A really cool house. A house that we fit quite comfortably in. A house in a cool neighborhood, with fun people (now that I know them). No matter what, we have a roof over our heads that we all like. For that we are thankful. If it weren't for the stupid sliding glass door... STOP...positive, Amy, positive. OK, so I hate the door, but at least I HAVE a door, right???

4. My family. They are zany. I don't have an "average family" by any stretch of the imagination, but they are all wonderful people. People who would give you the shirt off of their back, even if it was the last shirt in their closet.

5. a bunch a WONDERFUL friends who I can count on for anything. And I do mean ANYTHING at all. I could show up on almost any of their front doorsteps at any given time and be welcomed in with open arms. Maybe it's because they know I tend to come bearing gifts & alcoholic beverages. Whatever the case, I'm pretty sure I have the best group of friends on the planet.

See...that's only 5 things and I think anyone would read that and think I was a lucky girl. And...wow...I am lucky. Intensely lucky. Because I have a ton more good in my life than even those things, but if I typed them all out you'd be rolling your eyes at me, not at Matt. I'd hate for that to happen.
In case I forget how lucky I am, and fall into the whiny-ness again, I am also so lucky to have my mama who will be sure to remind me. I may not have buckets of money to pay my ever-increasing stack of bills, but at least I have my legs. There are people who can't say that. I told you they weren't average people, that family of mine.

Happy Birthday Hannah...

Five is a big milestone birthday for most kids. Hannah is sure she is taller this morning. And her baby teeth will certainly be loose by the end of the day (never mind that Justin is 6 1/2 and still holding on to all of his). Anyways...she had a fun morning! New dollhouse, birthday cake for breakfast... Life is good in Hannah banana-land!

Your bonus smile for today...

Every mother learns the fine lesson about "choosing your battles" at some point when her child is around the age of 2-ish. Some battles are just not worth fighting about. Case in point: Hannah's outfit choices...

Daydreaming...

If I ruled the world…

All children’s pants would be adjustable waist. No exceptions. Really…this can only be a good plan.

Children would never whine. Again, no exceptions on this one.

I would be paid an hourly wage for this job I currently hold.

It would not be minimum wage.

I would have access to a jet and a spa so that my friends and I could go whenever we wanted and get a massage and pedicure.

I would have a beach house within a few minutes of the spa. Gotta be able to show off those new pedicures while sticking our toes in the sand and sipping a cold martini.

½ & ½ would automatically come out of the container and into my coffee, in just the right amount. The perfect amount if you will.

Caffeine would make you lose weight. Lots of it. As would brownies and chocolate chip cookie dough.

Mean people would fall through a trap door in the floor Scooby Doo style every time they acted like assholes. At the bottom of the trap door would be garbage. Weeks of rotted garbage. I’m guessing after a week or so of this plan, there would be a few less assholes in the world.

Stoli Vanilla Vodka would arrive at my home anytime I snapped my fingers. And a hot dude with washboard abs would be there to mix my drinks.

Home appliances would always work properly. Until you wanted a new one- then they would automatically be broken with no hope of repair.

Dogs would only be allowed to fart outside. Never in my bedroom while lying on MY bed. Shasta- this one is about you.

I would have an engineer on call to build the train tracks that my son desires. I admit to not having the brain capacity to do this. It only frustrates me. More so when the track falls apart 5 minutes after I walk out the room. Damn you, Thomas the tank engine!

I would have volumes of easy dinners at my disposal. They would be healthy and tasty. They would, of course, also cook themselves and I would always have the ingredients in my fridge or pantry.

Toy manufacturers would be restricted from placing twist ties of any kind on toy packaging. Any toy manufacturer caught placing even one (let alone the 27-50 they currently use) would be forced to spend the next Christmas day or birthday in the homes of small children everywhere, where they would be forced to get their own toys out of the freakin’ boxes.

Toy manufactures would also be forced to use the same battery rechargers, AC plugs, and remote controls for ALL TOYS. Do they have any clue at all what it is like to keep all of those stupid cords separate??

I would have never ending patience with my kids and husband. I’d never lose my temper or my grip on reality. I wouldn’t have to pretend to be excited about yet another game of Candyland or Chutes & Ladders, because they would actually be enjoyable to me (before you snort a -yeah right- at me, keep in mind the bit above about Vanilla Stoli and the hot guy mixing my drinks)

And there would definitely be world peace. All of the terrorists would be in the Scooby Doo trap doors, along with pedophiles, school shooters, kidnappers, etc. so we would have a peaceful and happy world.

Fun grandma...

My mom very rarely gets the "fun grandma" award from Hannah. They have a love/hate relationship. Grandma Joy usually wins the prize because she spoils Hannah like nobody's business and because she usually shows up to our house with bags of M&Ms and sometimes a twinkie or 2 in her pockets. So, in all rights, she should win the prize. How could anyone else even be in the running when she bribes with chocolate and twinkies?? This weekend my mom was able to take the lead away from Grandma Joy. She had Hannah over for a sleepover and they made haunted gingerbread houses. Hannah hasn't stopped talking about how much fun she had. My mom is probably still recovering because Hannah rarely stops talking, period. She doesn't believe in silence. Ever. She makes your eyes cross sometimes. I'm used to it, but my mom had a large dose of it this weekend and she wasn't used to it. I think she is likely still drinking it off. I'm hoping it was worth it in the end. She has the "fun grandma" prize firmly in her grasp for at least a few days. Even if she had to sport a 2 day headache to earn it :) No pain, no gain right??

A brighter day...

Nice stuff to ponder...

The changing of the leaves behind our house. This was taken as I was sipping my coffee (with perfect cream of course) (and it was REALLY GOOD JEN) in my chair on the back porch. The leaves have just started to change and I'm thinking once they hit their peak it will be beautiful...

And then of course my new mums...which I did indeed stop and smell. In case there are inquiring minds out there who are dying to know how mums smell, they smell..ummmm....unremarkable. They don't have one of the smells that makes you say "ahhhhh that smells great!" They look nice though!

Heavy stuff for a Saturday...

Why do people do bad things to children? All the violence in the schools this week makes me unbelievably sad. I mean really, the Amish?? What did they ever do to you? Nothing. They are peaceful and unobtrusive. And yet a man broke into their school and killed little girls. Killed them with the intent to rape them first. I can't believe I am saying this outloud, but at least he *only* killed them. Those poor girls in the Colorado school shootings were apparently raped first. The last moments of that poor girl's life were hellish. And that's the thought her parents have to live with.
Can I just say right now...this is my worst fear. My biggest nightmare. That someone will take one of my children and harm them in this way. I can't even think it without getting emotional. And really, God forbid this ever happen, the guy who does it better kill himself, because hell hath no fury like a mama. I would need to be locked in a rubber room for the rest of my life. I can't imagine losing a child.
I have been thinking about these horrifying things all week. I'm hoping now that I have written it down that it will leave the recesses of my mind. I think it makes me so insane because there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. You want to believe that you can protect your children from the horrors of this world, but there are things out there that no one can protect them from. You can't keep them in a bubble. No matter how badly you want to. You have to let them ride bikes with their friends and look for bugs under rocks in the woods and just generally be kids. I wonder if our parents worried about predators lurking behind bushes when we were kids? I rode my bike down the street by myself in the dark. My best friend lived about 10 houses down from us and I often left her house after dark and rode home. I could never do that with Justin. Granted, I was in 4th grade at the time and he is in 1st, but in 3 years will I feel differently? I don't think so. We currently live at the back of a court. Justin walks to his friends house that is 4 or 5 houses away just at the edge of the court circle. I watch him out the window until he gets there. I wonder if I will ever not feel like I have to keep an eye on him while he plays outside. Don't even get me started on the Boy Scouts. Justin just joined and I informed Matt he will forever have to go on campouts with him. Sorry, not that I don't trust people, but how many stories have we heard about those 'trusty Boy Scout leaders' taking advantage of little boys. Makes me want to vomit on my keyboard right now. I want to protect my kids as much as I can. Unfortunately I have to send them to school. I can be thankful that there is only 1 unlocked door in the building and it is directly in front of the principal's office. There is a margin of safety, but it's never enough.
OK...go on about your lives. Sorry for the downer.

It's Friday again already...

I have a hard time believing sometimes how fast time goes by. I feel like I was just waking to the dread of Monday and here it is Friday already. Where did this week go? I have to remind myself to stop and smell the roses or whatever is blooming right now. Not the roses, the mums! I'll stop and smell the mums. Good thing too, because I don't even know what they smell like. Next week when I have a minute I'll stop and smell the mums for sure. I'm too busy right at this moment :)
I made fun of Amanda yesterday because she was talking about being excited for Christmas. It's too early to be excited for Christmas isn't it??? ISN'T IT??!!?? If not, I am in big trouble. But she's sort of right- it too will be here before we know it. Then I'll have to smell the poinsettias or something- do they even smell? I'll let you know if I have time to stop and smell them, but it isn't likely because I tend to procrastinate about Christmas shopping. Unless someone thrusts a poinsettia in my face and tells me to sniff it or else, you'll have to take time from your own procrastination to see what they smell like. Don't depend on me for that report.

Where was I? Oh yeah..it's Friday again. Enjoy your weekend :)

Where are my ruby slippers anyway?

We had us a big ol' scary storm last night. Yes indeedy. Made me feel sort of bad because when the lightening first started I was thankful because I knew it would mean no soccer practice (bad mama). Then it just kept getting stronger and stronger. The local news never went onto National news because they couldn't stop talking about the weather. The TV showed maps which started out green, yellow and orange, but as it neared us it turned to all colors of the rainbow. Never a good sign. Especially when purple is on a warpath straight towards your house. Definitely not a good sign. Even worse when your own mama calls to make sure you and the family of chiclets are holed up in the basement (we weren't yet, but I could hear a margin of panic in my dad's voice in the background. Making sure we knew it was headed straight for us). Then the weather boy mentioned our specific city and go to the NE corner of your basement in the same sentence so we packed it in. When it was all over, it ended up breaking up before it reached us but the word tornado was mentioned more than once. We had no major damage but it sure was scary. The kids were a total mess, but storms tend to whip them into a frenzy. I think because trees fell on my parents house during a storm a few years ago, while we all happened to be there. Justin was scarred for life over it. Seriously, everytime the wind blows hard, Justin starts looking at trees with a note of worry on his face. He tried to be all cool and seem unfazed last night over our storm, but then he blew it when he asked whether or not any trees could hit our house. It's hard not to laugh at him because having a tree phobia is not normal for a 6 yr old & he has a bad one.
In the end we had some lovely golf ball sized hail in the yard to gaze at until it melted in the rain. No storm damage and we got out of soccer practice!

I saw a very funny thing today....

I went upstairs to Hannah's room to brush her hair and do something with it for the day. As I was perched on her bed, brushing away the syrup from this morning's waffles (frozen, not homemade. Martha, I ain't) I happened to glance over and notice that Hannah had taped a photo to one of the drawers of her Polly Pockets organizer. I seriously had to laugh out loud. You will too... Go ahead and laugh...

Yes...that (in case you can't see clearly) is Matt's college senior picture. I don't even know where she found it. But it is now very securely (4 pieces of scotch tape) pasted to the stack of Polly drawers right smack next to her bed. Isn't he a stud??? This is the year we met. Can't you see why I fell madly in love with him? What do you mean, no??!!?? OH!! That's right, I forget he isn't very photogenic sometimes :) Sorry Matt. I am now getting giggles at your expense. In all fairness, if there was a photo of me scotch taped to Justin's bedside I would totally share it as well. Alas, there is not.

Now you have all seen a very funny thing today too. You're welcome.

The water strikes again...

Not the fish. The fish are alive and well in their store bought water. The lovely city water we are drinking is now plotting to destroy my coffee pot. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. I had to throw out an entire pot of coffee this morning because it was leaking all over my counter. Apparently the nastiness that lives in our water also clogs up coffee pots. Again...water if you are listening...this is NOT ACCEPTABLE. You may not kill my coffee pot.
I had to spend time this morning tearing apart my coffee pot and cleaning it all out (am I supposed to do this on a regular basis?? DOH!). I don't have time for coffee pot maintenance today. It is toilet cleaning Tuesday and I have lots more toilets now than I did not so long ago. Toilet cleaning Tues sucks up a good chunk of my day. I did not have time to squeeze in a little coffee pot maintenance. I did fix it, and it is no longer leaking. It would've been an ugly scene if it was un-fixable. An ugly, ugly scene. It was bad enough that I had to waste a pot of cookie doodle flavor coffee. Hello...it's my favorite flavor.

Poor kitty....

"have I not yet endured so much in my life, that I need to deal with this boy trying to balance Hot Wheels on my head? I was trying to take a nap. Leave me alone child!"

Life in normal land

Mom is home from the last dog show for awhile so we get our normal life back. I can honestly say I don't know what our normal life is. It's been awhile since we did it! I do know it involves a MOUNTAIN of laundry and 4 toilets that are calling my name and begging to be scrubbed. This week is going to involve a lot of cleaning and honey-do lists (Matt is reading this and cringing at his desk- sorry honey) but it feels good to be able to have time to do some of this stuff! When mom is out of town it is impossible to have time to do anything extra!
On another note it occurred to me the other day that it was this day last year that my husband lost his job. Got downsized- such an ugly word. I will never forget the sinking in the pit of my stomach when he gave me the news. We had no warning that it was coming, just BAM!! it's over. When I look back over the last year it is a jumble of emotions. Some of them not so good. I can recall more than one phone call to him while he was here in Ohio working and I was still in Michigan, where I was telling him I was on the edge of insanity and I didn't know if I could take it much longer. Luckily everything worked out and we are at the other end of it all now. New job, new house, new state, new schools. Lots of new stuff and it's all good so far! There were times in the thick of the mess when someone would say to me "everything happens for a reason" and I wanted to knock their teeth out. Anyone who has ever been in the middle of a crisis and been told that, knows what I mean. In the back of your head you know it has happened for a reason, but you can't clear the cobwebs enough to see what the reason is, and therefore don't want to hear about that nonsense. All I knew at the time was that my husband was unemployed, we have 3 children to feed, and it all sucked. Now I know the reason. Matt's former employer had a major crisis of their own a few months after he was let go. A crisis that would have made his job pure hell. Which in turn would have certainly made him a bear to deal with at home. Beyond that, we now live minutes away from almost all of our family, instead of hours. My kids see most their grandparents all the time instead of once a month or on holidays. That is reason enough for me. I'm thankful for the blessings that got us through to this side of the mess. Without wonderful friends and family, we'd still be hanging out in Michigan waiting for the house to sell and I would be babbling to myself and rocking in a corner of a room.

Can I bring Spanky?

A little girl in Hannah's class had a birthday this week. Her parents bought her a new kitten for her birthday, and she brought it to school with her on Fri. to show everyone. It was very cute. Just a little ball of grey fluff. Hannah came out of class and immediately asked if she could bring Spanky on her birthday. I could do nothing but laugh out loud at the thought of it. I told her that her friend had a sweet little kitten and Spanky is a 14 year old, cranky cat with a crooked leg that makes most people wince when they see it the first time. He would NOT be a big hit with the preschool crowd. Hannah was determined to have her way and argued with me for quite awhile about it. She won't win this one. No matter how long she chooses to argue. I won't force Spanky to be cuddled/petted/tortured by a group of 18 4 & 5 year olds. He wouldn't tolerate any of that nonsense for a moment and would probably just pop a kid across the face a run out of the room hissing and spitting all the way. What fun!!

Spanky says "hell no"

Mean kids suck...

Mama bear instincts go into overdrive when I see other kids being nasty to mine. I can't help it. Both of my kids dealt with it yesterday and right in front of me- which makes it worse.
Hannah's class went on a field trip to the apple orchard yesterday. They all went to a park to play when it was over and she was happily swinging on a tire swing and I was talking to the mom whose little girl was sharing the swing with her. Then a third girl came over to swing with them. She hopped on and promptly started quizzing Hannah on why she had to wear glasses. Hannah put her head down and answered her back, "because they help me see better." Then the little brat face, snot head girl said, "well they really make you look funny. I wouldn't wear them". The other mom who was standing with me almost fell over. It wasn't snot head's mom. She, of course, was nowhere to be seen. So this other sweet mother said "I think they make you look beautiful Hannah. I wish I had a pair just like them for myself." I could have kissed her. Mostly because Hannah is REALLY self-conscious about her glasses. She hates having to wear them. After the sweet mom spoke up, Hannah giggled and was instantly happy again. I am a firm believer in letting them at least try to deal with things like that on their own, but I was having a hard time not stepping in and pushing snot head right off of the tire. I wouldn't have done that- but I wanted to. Why do little girls, even at such a young age, feel the need to bring others girls down? Irritates the shit out of me.
THEN...at Hannah's soccer practice last night. Justin was wanting to play football with one of the boys who was there. He's never played football and really hasn't even tossed it around much unless it's with Adam in the living room. Then it's just knocking lamps down and stuff so they don't get to play all that long before my mom threatens bodily harm if they don't stop. The kid who had the football was just kicking it around alone- no one else was even there yet. Justin walked over and asked him if he could throw it with him and the kid got all nasty with him about it. He couldn't have been but a year or so older, but he's looking at Justin and telling him he won't do it right and he should just leave him alone so he could play with the bigger kids when they got there. How does this kid know Justin isn't a total football stud?? He is, of course, NOT even remotely stud like and probably would've flinched and ducked if the ball came at his face (he's so like his mama that way) but the kid could've at least given him a shot. He was one of those kids who makes you roll your eyes anyways because he was acting like a total ass. Acting like he, himself was a football god, when he clearly was NOT. I'm guessing he didn't want Justin to be really good at it on the off chance that the other kids would come over and ignore Mr. holier than thou and opt for playing with Justin. If he'd have given him a chance, he'd have seen that Justin stinks royally at football. His playtime with the older boys was totally safe from Justin stealing it away. Still- once again why do kids do that??? Why do they have to make other people feel like dirt in order to make themselves feel better? What's worse is those kids who never grow out of it, and turn into brat face, snot head adults. I've known a few of them in my day. There is nothing worse than a kid like that who chooses not to grow out of that hateful stage. You know at least one, don't you? You've wanted to push them off of the tire swing more than once- admit it.

The evil uglies are back...

I can't even post anything fun. I am tied up in PMS and add to it first days of a diet (my favorite diet, but one that gives you a nasty attitude for a few days in the beginning). Add to that my mom being out of town AGAIN (thank God this is the last week for a long time). My brain is fried and I am not a nice person.
It is evil. It is ugly.