hiatus...

i'm going on one. too busy. too crazy. too everything. be back someday.

tap, tap, tap...is this thing on?

i know...gone for a month. What can I say? I've been busy being studious, a mother, a wife, and a preschool director. The last thing there? Yeah, it's pretty much taking over my life. Being a preschool director even part time is an all consuming thing sometimes. I need desperately to find a balance. But enough about that madness. Let me talk about something I don't ever talk about. School. I know, I'm a liar. I always talk about that. I just must, for once, pat my ownself on the back for a job well done. I got a 97 in a class that I was FOR CERTAIN NOT A DOUBT IN MY BRAIN going to drown in. I was {} this close to dropping it and someone said to me, "don't drop it. Have faith." So I did. And I got an A. I was one of the few in the class that pulled it out. Coming from someone who lost a lot of faith in her abilities over time, I am so proud of myself. I got outstanding grades in high school, but I was woefully under prepared for college the first time around. No one had ever taught me time management. That is a TOUGH lesson to learn as a college freshman, when along with your regular classes, you must also squeeze in 'Beer Bong 101', 'Nasty Keg Beer 104', and 'Which Frat Boys To Ignore 106 & 201'. No, but seriously, the first time I got a C in college I began to doubt myself and wonder if I really had what it takes to be ANYTHING and slowly began down a slippery slope. It wasn't until I dusted off my college transcripts last summer and realized that I was actually a pretty good student, and I needed to cut myself a serious break. But going from that, to going back to a real live school requires a big in-between step. A leap even. About a week before the quarter started I had a blind moment of whatthefuckhaveidone. To say I was scared was an awesome understatement. Then, the first week of classes, I got to one class 3 minutes late and he had already started. And he was the scariest human being I had ever been in the same room with. As I listened to him lecture I looked around and thought I had just stepped into very deep water and gone a little too far. I made a mental note to call my advisor and ask her what she was THINKING when she put me in a Master's level class the first quarter back. I still don't know what she thinking, by the way. The girl sitting next to me said that this was her 3rd try taking this class. She dropped it the previous 2 times because he scared the daylights out of her. So I wasn't alone in my petrification. I mustered up all of the courage that I had and went to the professor after the class was over and told him that it was my first quarter back in 15 yrs and that I was certain I was about to drown in this class. He told me to give it another week before I gave up and to remember that sometimes life experience counts double time over student experience. I still was going to drop the class because I wasn't at all sure what scrubbing toilets and wiping butts had to do with discovering my educational philosophy. But in the end I persevered. And why? Because in each of my classes, with each assignment and test that I took and scored well on, my confidence grew. I am not a confident person. At all. This quarter of classes has done more to boost me than anything I have EVER done. EVER.
I cannot begin to describe what it felt like to look at my final grades and know that I was mere points from a 4.0. A 4.0. While balancing my family, and a job, and just life in general, I made the dean's list. Consider it a serious boost. But please don't ask me how clean my house is. All I want for Christmas is a maid service :)

february 18, 2009

all over america this will be happeneing.

get on out there...

AND VOTE.
Go on, rock the vote. Just do it. What are you waiting for? Go. Just go.

zero points...

i have LOADS of mom guilt. I always have. Even when I spent my every waking moment devoted to parenting my children, I wondered if I was doing it all the right way. If I was screwing them up by being involved in their every moment. Now that I have run off to the world of academia and gone to work part time I have more mom guilt, just distributed in different places. Now I forget things (more often) like snacks, permission slips, you know- the basics. And my kids, who didn't feel like I spent enough time helping with school events before (because I can't be in every child's classroom at the same time, who knew?) now are really feeling slighted because I can hardly ever be there. However, I did some serious schedule juggling at work and went in ALL DAY yesterday. The elementary school's PTO sponsors a cool program every year where they bring in COSI (Columbus's science center) into the school and they have a huge hands on thing for the kids to play with and learn from. Very cool. They always need volunteers for it and no one wants to do it, because as cool as it is it is labor and time intense. Did I mention ALL day? But I volunteered for it, because I knew I could make the older 2 both happy by being at their school to help out. So I showed up at 7:45 and worked my hiney off until almost 4. As we were walking out of the building to my van, Justin looks over at me and says, "are you coming to help with my party tomorrow?"
Dude. I got zero points for the whole day???
I can't win.

baby bellies...

ryan scared me today. We were in the car and he started asking baby questions. Those sweet innocent ones that usually lead up to the big one...how do babies get into your tummy mommy? I'm not sure why he started talking about babies today because there is most certainly not one brewing in this family, but anyway...I offer our sweet converstaion up for your amusement.

Ryan: Do boys ever have babies in their tummies?

Me: nope, just girls.

Ryan: why?

Me: because boys can't handle the pain. Only girls can, and God has a sense of humor like that.

Ryan: Oh.


:::::::::::pause::::::::::

Me: (silent- fearing pause is the lead up for the "big question")

Ryan: so why is daddy's tummy so big?

Me: HA! because sweetie, daddy likes to eat good food and that's what happens.

Sorry, Matt.

laugh out loud....

it's friday...it's funny...
This almost caused a diet coke out of the nose reaction.
Enjoy...

cool mom...

i was sitting in my communications class on wed., listening to the children talk amongst themselves about their Halloween plans. I was chuckling to myself because their plans are quite funny to me. You know basically stumbling from one party to the next in a drunken stupor. If that doesn't scream the true Halloween spirit to you, well then...I don't know...me neither. One of the boys who usually sits next to me was particularly funny. He always is. He likes to run his ignorant ideas by me before he calls his own mom. You know, to get an old lady's opinion first. He decided to ask me what I was doing for Halloween. I told him I was doing what I always do. Sipping spiked hot cocoa while passing out candy. He started laughing and said "you have got to be the coolest mom I have ever known!" Really??? Because I drink spiked hot cocoa? You should meet some of my other mom friends then. I must be hanging with a cool crowd :)

friday funny...

this cracked me up today. Sorry for the severe lack of posts. There's a lot of studying going on and it is really hindering my ability to do fun stuff on the internet. My 2 main websites are now brittanica.com and merriam-webster.com. Go figure.
Anyway...I happened to cruise past this today and laughed out loud.
Enjoy!

janet rocks it...

gotta love someone who makes you blog headers before you even ask for them :)
I especially love that the little pumpkin in the middle is much like my middle child in her grumpy demeanor. Spot on Janet!

week one down....

several thousand more(i think) to go.
Thoughts on the first week:
-You can't feel truly old until you're in a classroom with 30 people and you are the oldest by a good 20 yrs.
-The next oldest person after you is your professor, who appears to be at least 10 yrs your junior.
- No, really. My professor is YOUNGER than me. By 10 or so years.
-Life science classes are always going to be taught to me by a cranky, gnarly old man. Who is 97. But not YOUNGER than me.
-Did I mention that my communications professor is younger than me? Oh! and she'd like us to call her Ashley. Because that's what name was popular for little girls born in the 80s.
-I was the only one in my class this morning would had actually
r-e-a-d the reading assignment. Proven by the fact that in our small groups, I had all the answers because I had highlighted them in my text. The 18 yr old CHILDREN in my group were impressed by my thoughtfulness. So sweet of me to do the reading for them.
-When asked to design a theory of our own, I was the only one in class whose theory had something to do with my own children.
-Sweats and a t-shirt are still good campus duds. Even 15 yrs later.
-I am lovin' learning again. Even if I am RIDICULOUSLY old. To them.

it's the end of the world as i know it...

and i feel fiiiiiine....
so tomorrow I am back to the world of academia. Yesterday as I stood in line to get my parking pass, there were 2 YOUNG girls behind me whining because "like omigod, I had to get up at 10 this morning. I am, like, so TIRED!" And I had to do my best to keep from poking sharp objects into my ears. I know I am going to be that old lady in their class. I hope I'm the old lady that is always screwing up the curve. As if! Either way, I remember being them and staring at the old ladies in my class (who were probably younger than I am now) and wondering why in the world they were in school at their age, because,like omigod! Don't you have anything better to do at your age? I know I'm in for a rude awakening. I know that the time I have cut out for myself to study is not going to be nearly enough- especially since I'm going to be that old lady that actually READS the text. As if! I know that the next couple of years are going to be tough. I also know that this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing right now, and this is when I was supposed to do it. Not when I was 18, but now. I'm not nervous, I am ecstatic.
I am totally going to be the dorky old lady who blows the curve :)

addict...

add me to the twilight fan club. I read the first book in under 24 hrs and my plan is to go and get the 2nd today. I LOVE Edward. Love him. Love. I've never been a huge fan of vampire stories, but I love the way these are written. Love them. Love. No really, I'm a fan.
I don't know how far Stephenie Meyer will run with these, but it sure is fun to have a good series to devour again!

never forgotten...

last first day...

it was ry's last first day of preschool today. ***sigh*** mah baby...he is growing so fast!

from the other side...

today was the first real day of preschool for us. Today all of the 3 year olds came- for most of them it is their first time away from mom, and tomorrow is the big day for the 4 yr olds. It was a little surreal watching from the office (and the hallway, and the classroom, and the playground) all of the things that happen during the kid's time at school. I got to be the one comforting the moms whose children had to be peeled from their legs, screaming and crying. Most of the kids where fine as soon as mom walked away, but mom was not. I had more than one tearful mommy in the hallway. It's all the stuff that happened after I walked away and went home last year. The things that I missed because I was at home, being a mom (probably cleaning toilets). This has been a very exhausting experience for me, mentally and physically. I've put in about triple the hours in the past 2 weeks just getting everything together and making sure it runs as smooth as possible. I've had many sleepless nights, worrying that I am going to miss something huge. It's my personality to make sure things are done completely before walking away. I'm lucky that school doesn't start for me for another couple of weeks, and hopefully then the preschool will be running smooth and won't require me to be "ON" 100% of the time. I actually FELL ASLEEP at 8:30 last night. And slept the whole night until my alarm went off this morning. A testament to how worn out I am, since I usually hang on until at least 11:30 every night.
All that being said, it is a very rewarding spot to be in. To get a giant bear hug from a 3 year old who I just met last week. To get a big thank you from a mom because I checked on her son 4 or 5 times to make sure his nerves were calm. A thank you from a teacher because I got done something she asked me to do.
The good is out weighing the bad right now, but DUDE I can't wait until the weekend!!

this is my life...

this picture is the goat version of my two youngest children. They are frequently on the "naughty step" (thank you super nanny) at the same time, and having that same conversation.

the daily crack up...

ryan strikes again. The kid has a daily mission to make me laugh, and he usually accomplishes it. Yesterday I was cleaning up the mess of the day after they had all gone off to bed. He was up in his room playing, but not in bed yet and I heard his door creak open.
Ryan: (at the top of his lungs) Mooooooooom?? Where you at?
Me: (exasperated- it's bedtime and I want to chill with a beer) In the kitchen, what do you want?
Ryan: I want to sleep like Spiderman tonight.
Me: ??? you want what ???
Ryan: I want to sleep just like Spiderman.
Me: You want to sleep WITH your Spiderman?
Ryan: (exasperated because his mother never GETS him) NO! I want to sleep LIKE Spiderman.
At this point I'm like "Whatever you want son. Just GO TO BED." Keeping in mind that I am downstairs and he is upstairs and we're screaming all of this back and forth at each other.
After I chilled with my beer and watched the Olympics for awhile, I went upstairs to do my kid check and this is what I found:

He had the mask, gloves, everything. He must have gotten hot because the mask ended up next to him, but he still had the whole get-up- including gloves- on this morning when he wandered out of his room.
He says to me this morning, "Now I know what Spiderman sleeps like."
I hope he at least sleeps comfortably :)

first day...

no jitters today. I'm glad because I was a little worried that when it came down to it, Hannah would be nervous. Our district is weird about the way they do things. They have a kindergarten center the feeds into all 3 elementary schools. So she went to kindergarten last year in a different and much smaller building than she is in now. I think because Justin promised to show her where to go and because she's heard from about 100 people that her teacher is wonderful, she was a lot more at ease. Justin is a pro at it now, so it was all just another day to him.









Now I get to sit and sip coffee in quiet. Ryan is watching tv and has no one to fight with, it's a beautiful thing to behold :)

As a total aside to my Minnesota friends- Matt just got back from Minneapolis and is a fan of your fair city. He loved it there and I had to remind him several times that I was pretty sure is was nice- since it's August. I'm guessing it pretty much sucks a big one in February. Not that Ohio isn't a frozen wasteland in February also, but I think I'll take my chances and stay here a little further south :)

has everyone seen this???

everyone needs to. I thought the whole world had seen it, but the last 4 people I have mentioned it to were completely clueless. It makes grown men cry. You MUST watch it. Have volume on please and thank you. Part of the making "grown men cry" is the song. As cheesy as it is, it's part of the experience. Trust me. Now go watch it already. What are you waiting on? GO!