tap, tap, tap...is this thing on?

i know...gone for a month. What can I say? I've been busy being studious, a mother, a wife, and a preschool director. The last thing there? Yeah, it's pretty much taking over my life. Being a preschool director even part time is an all consuming thing sometimes. I need desperately to find a balance. But enough about that madness. Let me talk about something I don't ever talk about. School. I know, I'm a liar. I always talk about that. I just must, for once, pat my ownself on the back for a job well done. I got a 97 in a class that I was FOR CERTAIN NOT A DOUBT IN MY BRAIN going to drown in. I was {} this close to dropping it and someone said to me, "don't drop it. Have faith." So I did. And I got an A. I was one of the few in the class that pulled it out. Coming from someone who lost a lot of faith in her abilities over time, I am so proud of myself. I got outstanding grades in high school, but I was woefully under prepared for college the first time around. No one had ever taught me time management. That is a TOUGH lesson to learn as a college freshman, when along with your regular classes, you must also squeeze in 'Beer Bong 101', 'Nasty Keg Beer 104', and 'Which Frat Boys To Ignore 106 & 201'. No, but seriously, the first time I got a C in college I began to doubt myself and wonder if I really had what it takes to be ANYTHING and slowly began down a slippery slope. It wasn't until I dusted off my college transcripts last summer and realized that I was actually a pretty good student, and I needed to cut myself a serious break. But going from that, to going back to a real live school requires a big in-between step. A leap even. About a week before the quarter started I had a blind moment of whatthefuckhaveidone. To say I was scared was an awesome understatement. Then, the first week of classes, I got to one class 3 minutes late and he had already started. And he was the scariest human being I had ever been in the same room with. As I listened to him lecture I looked around and thought I had just stepped into very deep water and gone a little too far. I made a mental note to call my advisor and ask her what she was THINKING when she put me in a Master's level class the first quarter back. I still don't know what she thinking, by the way. The girl sitting next to me said that this was her 3rd try taking this class. She dropped it the previous 2 times because he scared the daylights out of her. So I wasn't alone in my petrification. I mustered up all of the courage that I had and went to the professor after the class was over and told him that it was my first quarter back in 15 yrs and that I was certain I was about to drown in this class. He told me to give it another week before I gave up and to remember that sometimes life experience counts double time over student experience. I still was going to drop the class because I wasn't at all sure what scrubbing toilets and wiping butts had to do with discovering my educational philosophy. But in the end I persevered. And why? Because in each of my classes, with each assignment and test that I took and scored well on, my confidence grew. I am not a confident person. At all. This quarter of classes has done more to boost me than anything I have EVER done. EVER.
I cannot begin to describe what it felt like to look at my final grades and know that I was mere points from a 4.0. A 4.0. While balancing my family, and a job, and just life in general, I made the dean's list. Consider it a serious boost. But please don't ask me how clean my house is. All I want for Christmas is a maid service :)