i had a light bulb moment this weekend. I was at a mommy-type conference that has tons of great workshops on how to parent. I needed it. I lack parenting skills right now. When I signed up for the conference months ago I noticed they also had a workshop of 'Redefining romance after children'. I signed up for it, not because my sex life sucks, but because after 12+ yrs, who can't use a little re-definition? During the workshop she talked about all the different love languages there are (there are 5 different ones) and how if you don't recognize your own and that of your husband, you're in for disappointment. She started talking about one of her daughters being a "gift-giver". Not meaning that so much that she wants to receive gifts in order to feel loved, but that is how she shows her love. This sort of sounds like buying love at first but then she explained it more or less means when she gives a gift it is her way of saying "I was thinking of you while I was out". To her daughter, that is like saying "I love you" and when she doesn't get the same from other people she gets miffed. LIGHT BULBS GOING OFF. That is SO ME! I absolutely love giving gifts. I am always picking up little things here and there for my mom, for my friends, etc. My feelings get hurt easily though if say...my mom buys a super cute coffee mug somewhere and doesn't get me one. Sounds sort of spoiled rotten-ish, but in my mind I am thinking, "geez, I'd have picked her up a mug if I saw it. I can't believe she didn't think of me!" Believe it or not, I never recognized this about myself. I helps to know that everyone in your life has a different language and to know what it is. I got a lot of other stuff out of that particular workshop, but when it was over I made myself sit down and figure out what each of my kids is, and what Matt is. It really shines a light on a lot of things when you look at it like that. Matt is someone who shows love by touch. This is usually a sticking point for us because, when I am dealing with him, touch often = sex. Plus, since I am home all day with my kids many days are spent with one or more chiclets touching me all day. I can say with 100% certainty that my love language is NOT touch. Sometimes Matt will hug me and I just shake him off. Like if one more person touches me, I'm going to blow. Knowing now that he shows love through touch (and not every touch=sex in his brain) I know now that I need to be a lot more forgiving about it.
I know it sort of sounds a lot like new-age bullshit at first but just think about it.
What are you? What is your husband? Your kids? This is from my notes so it is probably explained better elsewhere. I was told that there is a book on these called Love Languages.
- acts of service (doing good deeds for others)
- words of encouragement
- gift giving
- quality time
- physical touch and closeness- not necessarily sexual.
Just some food for thought :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
interesting. Can you be a combination of them too? jenn
Tom and I have been through all that. He is "Acts of Service" and mine is "Words of Encouragement". These two are a difficult match. We have to go back and re-identify ourselves to each other because I tend to get hurt that he doesn't think to tell me I look nice or I did a good job at something. Mindy
Post a Comment