trading spaces challenged.....

there are people in this world who should be blocked from having TLC or DIY networks on their TVs. The woman who is the former owner of this house, Nimrod*, was a lover of these channels. I don't know that for a fact, but as we delve deeper into living in this house day-to-day, it is the only rational explanation for the things we find. I think she spent her days watching episodes of Trading Spaces on the DVR and thinking to herself, "hey, I can do THAT! I'm going to try it right now!" I wish I could've shouted at her then. "NOOOO! STOP!" The designers on Trading Spaces are DESIGNERS. Not stay at home moms who are bored, but have a spare paint roller in the basement and money to burn on the Home Depot credit card. She was a huge fan of 'decorative' painting styles. She talked at our closing last year about being so sad to leave all of her hard work in tastefully painted rooms behind. I wish I could've gift wrapped her warped sense of painting style and sent it Priority Mail to her new home. Because for a year I have been looking at the walls and cursing them. Knowing what a huge pain in the ass it was going to be to try to fix what Nimrod had done. Every wall needing new paint has to be primed. Why? Because she favors HIGH GLOSS ENAMEL. Favors it, but doesn't think to prime between the layers and layers of different colors of high gloss on the walls. End result? Peeling chunks of paints in fabulous shades of neon pink, urine yellow, and army green. And that's just Hannah's room. Her room is the worst so we're starting there. Why anyone puts high gloss on their walls is beyond me. Maybe she wanted to be able to see her reflection when she walked in the room and couldn't afford a mirror. I'm not sure.
Just add it to the list of reasons why I can't look them in the face anymore when they come and visit their friends in the old 'hood. I wave and quickly walk in the house to avoid eye contact. I fear should I ever be forced to speak to either of the former owners, I'll start spewing venom. In reality I just want to tell her that she is neither Hildi, Doug, Or Laurie, and that Frank would cry if he could see what she's done to the walls of this house. Because the next walls I will tackle involve CRACKLE FINISH. Seriously. It's on the walls. Isn't crackle finish for furniture only? Or is that just what I've heard? I think I want to invite Frank over just so I can see him roll his eyes. And then he can personally tell her that she should child lock TLC on her cable box.

*Not her real name. I wanted to protect her true identity so that the 3 people who read this blog don't know the asshat's real name.