the grind...

as a mom who stays home, like has no job, is "just a mom", occasionally i get in a funk. One of those those I-never-get-to-do-anything-for-myself-my-sole-purpose-is-to-serve-others kind of funks. It doesn't help that with my right foot being down, I haven't driven in 2 1/2 weeks (until Monday when I was forced to because I had to drive to the Dr to get a shot in my ass because I had poison ivy, but I digress) It still is painful to drive because having my foot at the angle that one needs to push the gas pedal, is just not comfy yet. But tolerable. Anyhow... yesterday I was supposed to get my haircut. I am so looking forward to this for many reasons. Most of them because my hair looks like crap right now, but also? I wanted some "me time". Selfish? Probably. But I've only been out of the house ALONE (meaning without a child attached to me) to go to weight watchers in the past 2 1/2 wks. and I really wanted to be ALONE for say, an hour. The appt. was at 7, so I just had to have a husband in place to take over my job by 6:30. And 6:30 was pushing it so I asked if he could shoot for 6:20 to give me plenty of time. No problem he says. Then he shows up at 6:40 sputtering excuses about traffic. I'm sure it was traffic involved, but being that there was no WAY I could make it there in 20 min, I had to cancel my appt. And I was not a happy mama. In fact I didn't speak (nicely) to him for the rest of the evening. Selfish? Probably. But damn. I just wanted a haircut. Now it's going to be another week or so before I can do it again. The only other thing she had in the evening this week was a 6:30 appt and let's face it, if he couldn't get home in time for a 7:00 appt odds aren't good that I'll make it there a 1/2 hr earlier.
And so...last night I was evil. And angry. And feeling like my whole purpose on this earth is to serve others and does anyone care about me?? So the children and husband steered clear of me and the black cloud hanging over my head. I went to bed early and feel marginally better about my lot in life today. I do love my "just a mom" position. I just wish I had a provision in my contract for personal time. Personal time that didn't always have to involve Dr appts. I'd like personal time that involved me ALONE for say... 1 hour. And a professional with a pair of scissors that can make me look like Reese Witherspoon in Sweet Home Alabama. I know I'm asking a lot.